For those who evaluate astrological compatibility between pairs:

I don't necessarily mean couples in romantic pairings, but what indicators would make you declare a relationship unworkable or filled with conflict? I read on one astrologer's website that according to her, if there is no significant "Saturn" connection between a pair, in a romantic thing, an employment situation or other arrangement, she won't bother with reading any further, because there is no "staying power" in it. One other reader I spoke with identifies these transits as problematic in a "composite" chart of a relationship, as they are, in his opinion, indicative of potential abuse by one partner or both people in a situation:

Sun square or opposition Moon
Mars opposite Moon
Saturn opposite Moon
Saturn in hard aspect to Mars
Pluto in hard aspect to Mars
Neptune opposition Mars
Neptune opposition Moon

According to that astrologer, if any of those traits showed up in the natal chart of a person one of his clients was considering a relationship with, he would tell that client to move along, especially if the client didn't know anything about the other person's mental health status (those transits are allegedly indicative of childhood or early-life abuse in a native's chart).

In case anyone is wondering, no, this isn't about my sister and her finance, (I decided to leave that situation alone). I'm just trying to compile a list of astrological "red flags" or "warning signs" of bad relationships or pairs, so I can stay safer in the future. Yes, I know that there are other ways to do that, but to me, checking out potential issues from an astro perspective can't hurt.

birth Charts (parents and 2 children) gave me the impression, which I prefer to follow, that even difficult connections, lacks of connections, etc. are not difinitive.
She was a student of Liz Greene, and to me this view puts more emphasis on our choices/free will to do with stuff what we decide/need to do. (spiritually)

For instance, my partner and father of our kids is in real life not very compatible with me in many ways, but we both detect on a deeper level that we are connected and are here to learn from each other - also from the seemingly impossible conflicts.

So I tend to see Astrology as giving excellent insight into the gifts and struggles of our personal packages as well as for those of our relationships, and do not buy into all of the red flags inherent in charts as being written in stone, that we have no free will or soul's journey to deal with stuff, no matter how difficult.

Don't know if I expressed my view on this well here, but I do know that if an Astrologer would tell me to move on from a relationship based on our charts, I would move on from the Astrologer.

I don't like fortune telling, or anybody telling me (psychotherapists and psychiatrists included! :-)) that they have knowledge about my life and that I should base my decisions on that.

I prefer Astrologers and others offering support to present their professional and intuitive view of the picture, without final judgement, leaving it to the individual to do with it what they may.

DemEx

There are no "bad" pairings of planets. Just stressful and nonstressful ones. For instance, in the charts of both my wife and I we both have Mars square Neptune. This usually refers to seeing in the other person some sort of Knight in shining armor. A rescuer or champion. In some respects this has served to be a nice thing for each of us. Knowing that the other seeks to protect one another. Where the square can cause problems is in the fact that we can put an unrealistic aura around the other and not see them for the humans they are. When this mask of unreality is torn away, great disappointment can follow. I was aware of this from the start. My wife wasn't and I am now suffering from the disillusion that has befallen her as she has come to see my humaness. It can break up a union if one partner tends to project godliness onto the other.

Saturn is an important planet in the pairings of charts. It does denote stability and maturity. Usually with the sun, venus, moon or mercury in nonstressful aspects. Also Mars and Venus pairings are very important for sexual fulfillment. I tend to look at those pairings a great deal for me personally because I'm a highly sexed person and I would want a partner equal to that.

But your right. I wouldn't tell anyone to pass on a relationship. I would just let them know the karmic nature of the relationship and what must be worked on during this chosen pairing.

It can help the both of you to understand the karmic situation that has brought you together. To uncover the strengths of the bond and build on them and to get a grasp as to what it is between you that mirrors to each of you things you don't like about yourself.

You have to remember. Libra/7th house is traditionally considered the house of relationships with the OTHER. Libra deals with listening in its most fundamental sense. Actually hearing as the other person truly is rather than just hearing their words. This is what creates harmony and balance. The stalwart of Libra, seeking harmony and balance. When the relationship becomes sexualized(Scorpio/8th house)a new depth is added to the listening. Scorpio/8th house always wants to know WHY. It is the house of depth psychology. It is the exposing of deep parts of ourselves that we normally don't want to do.

I'm facing this phenomena within my marriage. We have come upon a deep issue within my wife(and probably me to some extent)that we has recoiled back from and doesn't want to deal with. For her, she would consciously rather let go of the relationship, and yet she still holds on in ways that she is not aware of. Quite a dilemna for me. Knowing what I see, and yet, trying to honor her need to come to terms in her own time while my needs have to be set aside.

good luck with that. You're a goooood spouse.

To uncover the strengths of the bond and build on them and to get a grasp as to what it is between you that mirrors to each of you things you don't like about yourself.
We both recognize that this is taking place in our relationship, but have so far not had great success in actively/consciously working on it together.
That was such an eye-opener when we reached the stage that we both admitted that what bugs us most about each other are things we don't like about ourselves. This realization makes it less attractive to move on, but it still is hard. :D

We also have made the most progress by getting deep into what we feel are our soul's "postion" in this life, and how that plays out in our relationship. As soon as we get past the daily frustration and disappontments, trying to express/share the deeper layer really helps us feel love and clarity. (Once in a blue moon, unfortunately!)

Maybe I'll delve some more into Astrology for more direction.

Thanks for sharing your views on this, and I wish you the best with your relationship. Yes, I recognize the process that you are in at the moment as well - comparable to a mechanism working in my relationship with my partner.

DemEx

and the astrologer can't really know that. A Scorpio once came to me - by himself - for a chart comparison with his Leo fiance. He expected a stay-at-home wife who would cater to his every need, and she had something like five Leo planets in the tenth. I hope she got out early because, with his expectations and her chart, there was no way that one was going to work.

My husband and I have an exact Sun-Uranus opposition and a one-degree Sun-Uranus square. We celebrate 49 years next month - I think it's worked because we also have a one-degree Sun-Saturn trine and because I'm an Aquarian and his Uranus is conjunct his Moon (which also squares my Sun). (BTW, I'm two years and nine months older than he is, and his Moon is two degrees and 45 minutes past the exact conjunction.)

A few quick observations:
A difficult Venus-Mars between two charts exerts a powerful sexual attraction, but it doesn't always end happily.

Suns quincunx by sign require special handling: you have to accept that the partner knows what is good for him/her, even if you don't understand it yourself.

You react to an aspect between your chart and someone else's according to how the two planets relate in your own chart, e.g. my husband has a Mars-Mercury square, and, because my Mars sits exactly on his Mercury, I can trigger his natal square: negatively, irritability; positively, I adore his very dry but very quick wit.

At least for me, the conjunctions between two charts are all important, and the exact conjunctions most important of all.

Two people who are important to each other will usually have a planet conjunct each other's angles.