An update (re: daughter)

My daughter has lost both of her children for the time being. They are with their dads and are safe. She was found negligent in so many areas that the judge has given custody to the fathers. She made terrible decisions and became involved with a con who took everything she had and then some. He was the main reason she lost custody. He is now in prison for violating parole. In the meantime I am very grateful to the state of Washington for realizing there were other circumstances and are helping her to get back on her feet. She is temporarily disabled and in therapy. The people of Washington have my graditude for being good progressive thinkers and helping where I couldn't.

The good news is that my youngest child, my son and his SO have a new son, born Saturday. They are all in good health and already back home.

Thank you all for your help through meditation and prayers for my daughter.

So I have had a loss and a gain, but there is hope for the future. I thank you all for your love, you are good people. I am at peace with these circumstances, though they're not what I would have chosen, I have faith it is working out the way it needs to. :hug: :grouphug:

is getting the help that she needs. Congratulations on the new grandchild!

you're a good lady. I appreciate your meditations in our behalf.

Meditation is very, very important and powerful, I'm discovering. Continued best of luck to all of your relatives with all of the challenges they will encounter in the coming months. I'm sure they'll do fine.

One of the hardest lessons in my life is that I have to respect other people's journeys and struggles, even when it is so painful for me to stand by and watch. We all have free will and lessons to learn, your daughter is a good example of that.

Be very thankful that her children are safe and out of harm's way.
And for the blessing of your new grandchild.

I hope she gets back on her feet quickly. Thank God for the disversion that arrived in a bundle. They do bring so much joy. My prayers and light are with you during this difficult time with your daughter.

with your daughter, OhioBlues. Faith makes things so much easier. I'll be sending your daughter light to be able to see her path. :hug:

Congratulations again for the new little guy in your life! :)

I hope your ex son-in-laws let you have access to your grandchildren, and I hope your daughter can find the strength to pull through this and reclaim her life. Congratulations on the newest grandchild too. :hug:

I know the rendering it can cause, to all involved. I'm glad to see you've found a place to deal w/it, it's a hard peace to win. If it helps at all, she can come back from the hole she's in - mine did, but it took her years. In the meanwhile, her son was protected from the immediate risks she was putting him in. The kiddoes need that, even though it's so painful to see. The biggest road block to coming back from the precipice for my daughter was dealing w/guilt at losing her baby, even though he was w/me. She's still working out that one, there is only so much I can do for her to let that go. But she did give up the con & the drugs, & has become a wonderful mother to the 2 girls she had since then. So do take heart, it can be the singular event that might help her to take her life back.

I'm so pleased to hear that Washington state has programs to help her, what a pleasant shock! I just wish it would spread out to the rest of the states, instead of the usual stance (imo) of abandoning the parent to sink on their own.

My first thought when I read this was a title from a book I read many years ago ... 'Stronger In The Broken Places'. Scar tissue is generally stronger than the untouched skin surrounding it, was the loosely generalized idea in it. Your girl can be stronger after coming through this. I'm keeping you & yours close to my heart, & bathing all w/a healing, peaceful, strengthening hope.
:grouphug:

You really never expect your children to be so hurt by their choices. It is hard, but the only thing for certain in life is that eventually everything changes.

My deepest thanks to you all.

and that you have been given a very precious gift in the form of a new grandbaby. Congratulations on the new little one!

And, the key-words I got from your post are "for the time being". This may well be a very temporary situation, and, in the meantime, your daughter is being cared for and helped.

I am sorry that you have had to go through such a rough time of it, OhioBlues.

:hug:

She has 2 other siblings who were also taken, one in an open adoption and the other is with his father's mother. I live in the state of Washington and if there is any way I can be of support, since I am local, let me know. You can PM me. My grandniece's grandmother, my younger sister, is also not capable of raising any children as she is in the same shape as her daughter, if not worse. My sister was so abusive that the state gave custody of my grandniece's mother to my parents. And none of us, the state included, did not know the half of it.

It is amazing how someone, raised in the exact same environment, turns out to have so many problems. This younger sister was the favorite, my father even GAVE her a house, while my older sister and myself are clean, sober, never having had alcoholic or drug problems. We worked hard and raised our families, I raised my 3 children alone, with little if any, financial help from anyone.

I have far more sympathy for my niece than I do her mother. While my parents had issues (my dad was a working alcoholic), they were always there, they raised us in the church, participated in Girl Scouts, went to school functions, and they tried with all they knew to be good parents, they gave what they could. Yet as an adult, younger sister was grossly abusive to her daughter, all she did was party all the time, did not give a damn about responsibility. My mother, older sister and I did more mothering of her daughter than she did.

My niece grew up in a hell we could not imagine even though we were right there close by. I am still staggering at the truth! The abuse that is coming out now rivals that of the story of Sybil, I am not making this up! How this woman can live with herself is beyond me, but she seems to be fine with it all, as is my father (mother is dead now, and he is remarried to an alcoholic, my mother never drank). My older sister and I are the "bad guys" doncha know... Still, I would give my sister some understanding if at least she felt regrets, but the last time I spoke with her, she felt perfectly justified doing the terrible things she did to my niece ~ and she is now in her 50's. But I have regrets ~ regrets that my worse imaginations did not even come close to what this woman was doing to her daughter without my protecting her ~ and letting other people do with open approval. Now my niece is schizophrenic, HIV positive, and homeless much of the time, her children are motherless, and she is a mess.

I am glad I believe in karma. While my life of all three of us girls has been the hardest financially as well as emotionally, I would not trade places with my younger sister for anything. I know I am the better person for taking the high road, though when I was younger, my older sister and I resented the favoritism sometimes. After all another time and place, perhaps I was worse and am now paying back for what I did, and if I never did them, then perhaps I am adding to the good karma ... I don't know but, I feel sorry for the lives my sister has destined herself to live now. And my niece is the terrible results of having a mother whose main priorities are having a good time, making other people miserable, and getting all she can from her many "husbands".

As for my grandniece, she is the joy of my life and even though I think I am too old and too poor to raise another child sometimes, she proves to me every day I am dead wrong. LOL! Most of all she is the flower that has grown out of a big pile of manure. So far she is not HIV positive even though she was born exposed, and whether or not she is, she is beautiful beyond words.

Your story touched me because it is close to me. I prayed for you because I have some idea what kind of worry you are living. I prayed that you will be an important part of your grandchildren' life as they need you now more than ever. I also want to share an important message to everyone that God has a way of making something beautiful out of the ugliest things you can imagine.


Love,
Cat In Seattle

the work that you are doing to help your grandniece.

:hug:

I am so grateful for people like you who are blessed with a heart of gold, big as Jupiter and the soul of an angel. I survived serious abuse as a child and I was blessed with an extended family that was strong and determined to heal the damage my father tried his damnedest to inflict. I only wished that there had been some way for your niece to reach out to have someone intervene before she became so irreparably damaged. Let me tell you something, Cat, money can never provide a substitute for the love and care that you are providing that little girl. I only have to mention one name to prove this point....dubya...All the money in the world and a family full of sociopaths, psychopaths, bigots and perverts. Your age is a badge and as far as I'm concerned, a doctorate of life. Only someone who has lived on this planet and undergone the trials, tribulations, storms and sorrows as well as the sweetness that time gives us is truly qualified to impart wisdom and leadership, especially to that little bitty baby girl who needs so much protection and love, unconditional love and strength.
You are synonymous to a secret garden, a beautiful and fragrant flower growing in a place where none is ever expected. God bless you, girl and I want you to know that although my husband always teases me about trying to burn down the house, I will light yet another candle and keep one lit for you. Brava, Brava, BRAVA, BRAVA, BRAVA!!!!:applause: