Death penalty my real thoughts..

My Cat Bigfoot,was in a lot of pain he had cancer .We tried to save him ,he had predisone, chemo. operations to no avail.He went nuts from the predisone and bit my hand and I had to stay in the hospital for a day to get IV antibiotics.I look upon those scars as a mark from him.Every time I see it I think of him not in anger but fondly for it was not his fault he bit me.

On his last day I fed him some water from a can of salmon and he drank some,and I picked hm up and asked him if he wanted to go home and leave his body,and I made a visual image in my head of the vet procedure they do to euthanize animals,and he seemed to understand,and Bigfoot asked that I do not leave him as he died .I cannot begin to tell anyone how I knew he knew what I meant and I understood him ,he went back under the couch were our other cat Sparkle was doing a 'death watch'and would not leave him alone.

The next morning he was laying near the cat carrier Sparkle and Rustle were next to him waiting . We took him to the vet.I told the vet I was going to stay with him..through it all. The vet shaved his foreleg and injected a barbiturate drug,Big foots pupils got huge and you could see his spirit slipping out I know it sounds strange..His eyes lost their life they suddenly got grey and lifeless and a light inside them literally started to go out.
The vet put a long needle directly into his heart .I held him in my arms.And I felt his body change..His spirit left it,I cried as I felt his presence go away.His eyes had changed to very dull almost rough grey texture in a matter of seconds and a dim little speck deep inside his grayed over eyes went out.

Three days later I was sitting at the picnic table talking to a friend and we both saw a shining globe swiftly fly by us . She said "What the fuck was that??!" It was so bright it cast shadows, as it flew by the trees,the globe flew past the shed and disappeared over Big foots fresh grave,I said That's Big foot! Holy crap The Foot! My kitty was a beautiful light ball! And I saw his form move out of some brush aa a spirit cat, bigfoot looked like he did in life he walked twords me and faded away. My friend was slack jawed. I have seen cat spirits before at roadkill sites.I knew what was going on here.And That's how it goes.

That night my partner and I both dreamed of the foot jumping inside us,he dreamed of Foot running down stairs and leaping into his heart. I dreamed of the Foot curling up on my chest and fading into me with a deep purr that seemed to vibrate every cell in my body.


What I am saying here is death is mysterious.So is life. On one level the body dies.Kaput that's it. On another level if you are observant something inside us is freed,freed from this hellhole of life.I don't disfavor the death penalty in of itself per se.

But I do not trust the state to do the death penalty at all.The state is not human. It is a system.A authoritarian system. It is in fact like a sociopath in it's control over lives.

Sad reality is some people are sociopaths they cannot co exist on this earth without causing others harm. I don't know what to do with people who feel no shame,cannot be persuaded to stop abusing through guilt, or can't feel empathy with a victim.They are messed up and they cannot be trusted with freedom,they must be babysat ,watched closely as a two year old 24-7 lest they hurt someone and because they are adults with intelligence and reasoning but ethically they are like the two year old from hell in an adult body who cannot feel guilt or be fazed by shame and does not care,who is always looking for scissors to cut you with...

It is sad but the sociopath cannot be free,or trusted.And if we keep them in jail,sociopaths might actually be tortured by it..They crave thrills and do horrid things because they cannot feel anything inside, they are half dead,,they are driven by a boredom within I cannot imagine. A vacuum they fill up with fantasy and acting it out and power tripping.

To be in jail for a lifetime must torture sociopaths so they act out on guards and other prisoners,seek escape,run drug rings in jail,rackets,gambling, etc. They do anything to avoid the boredom and emptiness where feelings relations and love should be ,in desperation because their souls are so messed up.They can't get their favorite drug in jail acting out of an obsessive death fantasy that gives them a taste of an emotion in a dead life . They wax so poetic about their gristly crimes,Why? Maybe because it's the only way they can feel what we feel,a connection to humanity by robbing others of their lives..

But than again death might in some cases of sociopaths might in fact be an act of mercy for all involved .Euthanasia is always a death penalty when consent is not given or can't be given.This is why I asked bigfoot in the only way I knew how to,if he wanted to be set free of his cancer ridden body or not.

A sociopath is always seeking to win a game with themselves they are ultimate addicts ,they are locked into some strange fantasy world where they cannot feel anything except through acting out the dramas of domination and sadism in real life that are in their head. They "create reality" based on their fantasies because they can't feel some things that pop out of the unconscious or id,are just Evil and wrong to DO.

It seems for sociopaths living fantasies of sadism is like a drug.. a drug that gives relief to the empty feeling of no emotion,no connection,no love, endless boredom and endless calculations to beat the 'opponents' keeping them from satisfaction ..This game due to a sociopath having essential elements of what makes us human missing or suppressed or destroyed inside them...It's where emotional humanness and compassion and feeling,a soul in other words, should be in a sociopath is is not there.So they know right from wrong rationally but they haven't got enough empathy to not understand on an emotional level why it is wrong or evil to do murder or rape and try to get away with it. Do sociopaths seek power to take life ,relationships and happiness away from others as a substitute for feeling what they lack themselves. Why do they do that? Is it because they know something is missing,inside themselves ,this spark of love others have,and they covet it,enough to kill people just to catch a glimpse of it just to feel alive...and they resent not having it all their lives so they rob it from others..

Is the Death penalty wrong.. In some cases, Dare I say ,it is mercy.

And Because the state has no soul and acts like a sociopath in so many ways I do not trust the state to have the kind of mercy required to make such a call on a person's life.

I myself still wonder did I do right by Bigfoot?

When he was sitting by the cat carrier the next day,I would like to think so,That he wanted out.
When I saw the ball of light and his spirit walk twords me I like to think he was free..That the burial procedure I gave him power and protection where ever spirits go ..When I dreamed of him melting into my chest I'd like to think he was happy and freed..saying goodbye and staying with me forever at the same time,united and unique like one would imagine being part of the source of all good that is transcendent and has no evil in it,that is locked in conflict with this world, My mother that I call Sekhmet because it is the mask it uses to speak to me here..

But It could be guilt.Shame, regrets. It could be my way of rationalizing to myself taking his life was ok. I do not know. That said I do not expect the state to have that kind of sensitivity about things like the conditions of spirit or consent.

So Knowing some people cannot be trusted with social freedom and are not working with a full range of emotions that would in a non sociopath regulate their behavior so they are not dangers to others..is killing this prisoner of an unspeakable addiction to fantasy to escape existential boredom mercy or murder? Mercy for Whom?


I asked foots consent the best I could do, but I will never know if he gave it without a doubt.Cancer was ravaging his body.My desire to stop his suffering made me act to stop it by stopping his body.

A serial killer is he projecting through his fantasy his own unfelt suffering for being alive and not feeling alive,and acting it out on others by killing them to see that thing inside us that makes us human he lacks and covets?? By doing crimes of rape torture and murder is he asking that we take him away from his internal bored isolated hellish life he cannot admit he lives?
" It's empathy that makes us as human as we are, while helping us to manage our most violent feelings.
We don't kill others or ourselves because we still see the human being in others, and ourselves and feel sympathy or caring.
When our sense of connection is gone, then any kind of violence can be unleashed. People who torture others have lost touch with their own humanity. No longer able to care about themselves, they grow to hate others. Desperate to have any kind of feeling, they torture feelings out of others."

I found this quote online I dunno where I got it anymore,I didn't save the link, but I thought it very profound to repeat it for this post.

When we got home Big foots' body was in the carrier wrapped in a blue towel. I sat in the living-room opened the carrier and the other three cats,Rustle Vinnie and sparkle each one by one walked into the carrier and paid their respects,walking in sniffing the body,marking it with their faces,nuzzling him with such tenderness, as I sat on the couch and cried.

After they were done,and had gone to lay on my bed ..I took his body out and I did some ceremonial prep,hung a gold ankh around his neck, anointed him with special oils and put special amulets on him,and dusted his fur with dragon's blood resin,and red ochre an ancient protective device,for the dead, I dusted his fur with copper dust and put amethyst crystals among the folds as I wrapped him in black silk and white linen and buried him in the best way I could afford,buried like a Pharaoh's cat.For he deserved it.

Executed criminals bodies,do they go back to their families? Or do their families not want the body back of the person who terrorized them? Are they incinerated in a state crematorium?
I don't know.

Life should be respected,for life does not want to die every body resists death.. but if you look at the way this world treats life, if life does not respect itself it is in eternal conflict we are living and dying all at once.


When sociopaths happens what can we do? There is no surefire way to put empathy into someone that cannot feel .Some say catching sociopath kids early they have a chance. As adults they don't change.It is an eternal question what to do with the bullies authoritarians and sociopaths among us. Not easy to answer that without thorny ethical questions. I do not trust the STATE to answer these kinds of questions and kill people. A victim might be the one to do it,or the persons hurt by the sociopath or who knew what he did and saw it. That's how some other cultures did it..


But the State cannot feel for victims or perps,it is a system not a person . I don't trust the states judgments with sociopaths,not with Terry Shiavo or with futility of care laws or the abortion debate.The state is not human,nor is it humane,even though people create it and run it it is a system and the goal of a system is not to care,but to control.

I guess I am weird Death is not bad or evil to me .
I myself look forward to when I get to leave this world behind or my consciousness is snuffed out..for it hurts too much I feel too damn much pain of knowing what reality does to life here to paint life as a wonderful thing.Deep compassion and vigilance caused by trauma is a kind of torture I can't love my life here and fear the inevitable anymore. To me death is a strange kindness and it is what takes off the bonds of this fragile body and it's groaning chains and stops existential longing and pain of emotions and pushes aside the veil so that I may be free or at least be freed of the pain in my life..What happens after death is a mystery we will not know until we go there.Bodies they all live for a short time,suffer die and rot.So what's the issue here?

Quality of life is what matters here. Not that you live another day.Quality of life matters to each of us,one persons quality of life being sacrificed to another's without consent is wrong.Yet it happens all the time.We can either agree or not and sometimes what we want does not matter.
The right to life,and death penalty political groups..all these life and death issues, we each need to consider for ourself what is a good quality of life for ourself before we go making decisions and over riding others consent and quality of life with utilitarian arguments and other bullshit we tell ourselves and the state says is so important..


And if a life has no quality is it really life anymore? What is it worth? Can you determine that for someone else? And how can you know if you are not inside a person's mind feeling their life quality for yourself? Suicides happen.. And sometimes the person killing them self appeared so happy with such a bright future,but to the suicide their quality of life was worthless. So who are you to say another's life is worthless or lacking quality or someone else's life is more valuable than another's life,How is it a homeless guy or comatose"brain dead" lady's life worth less than say a hollywood star or politicians life?? By what measure do you determine this worth? Do you ever ask yourself these things?

Hurricanes,viruses ,age and accidents do not discriminate about what life is worth more.
But we do. Why? What motivates this discrimination?
Ever ask?

There is no easy answer. We can only hope to further understand how to read ,respect and recognize what consent is when quality of life seems to falter or a person cannot be trusted with themselves..like sociopaths.And could it be killing could be a form of consent from a sociopath desiring to die due to his own internal suffering? Is killing somebody in a culture that forbids it a strange sort of request for euthanasia a release from a internal prison we cannot see that a sociopath is born into and on some level knows it and kills looking to escape his internal bored empty emotionally numb hell that will never ever feel satiated with experiencing enough control,death power or wealth?

Or is it something else?