My Big Fag Gay Wedding, Episode One

Since, just minutes ago, Governor Corzine signed the law making it possible, I think it's finally time to announce this.

I'm getting married.

Sure, they're calling it "civil union" for now, but under the new law it's completely functionally equivalent, carrying all the rights and responsibilities as the "M" word, so I prefer to call it what it really is. When the Law catches up with reality, I'll be waiting for it.

I met Bryan in the fall of 1992. I asked him to marry me in 1995, knowing that it wouldn't carry legal weight but wanting to be ready when it does. We've been together all these years with no legal basis, and no legal protections. Now the same rights are being offered to us, and we would be stupid not to take them.

We nearly went the "domestic partnership" when self-hating-former-closeted-Governor Jim McGreevey offered it years ago, but there were so many ridiculous hoops to jump through. To get married in Jersey, you need ID, a witness, proof of residency, a three day wait, and $28.00. To get a domestic partnership it was more money, all those requirements above, a lease or deed in both your names, joint bank accounts, a note from your mom saying it was OK to go out and play, and other things. It was just too confusing, and we never followed through on it. Plus, it would have only given us about 10% of the rights of full married folks, so why go through the hassle?

Anyway, we're going to make it offical, and while I'm planning small, it's still going to need a ceremony like marriage does, so it's time to plan for one. We're going to "unionize" (ick) on the 15th Anniversary of our meeting. (However, it will only be 11 years and 11 months the way Bryan reckons the length of our relationship -- he dates it from when I proposed. Now, adding a third set of dates gives us even more to bicker about when someone asks how long we've been together.)

I can see the first hurdle right now: we need an officiating officer. While previous "gay weddings" could be overseen by anyone, even your terrier if you want, you need an officer licensed to perform marriages in Jersey to "unionize." We'll need a judge, clergyman, or mayor. I have to start looking now and line someone up.

Still, it's going to happen. I've already heard from my three Groomsmen, all of whom are willing to fulfill their roles. They're the three comedians I've worked with the most over the years. Ironically, I was the first of the four of us to pair off, but by the time of our ceremony, I will be the last of the four to get married.

Just wanted to share the good news. One last caveat: it really IS going to be a very small affair, just very close friends and no family (especially not Bryan's sister the Talibornagain). If you don't get an invite, please understand.

We WILL take the fondue pot, however.

May you have the biggest, faggiest, gayest wedding EVAH! :hi:

:toast:

So glad to hear it! :hug: :hug:

If I were in NJ I'd officiate at your ceremony!

We are still waiting for California to wake up and make it legal for us.

We've already had a wedding back in 2001. Have a great wedding day. It was the happiest day of my life.

:applause: :woohoo: :applause:

Congratulations!

:bounce:

:hug:

:D

destroying the institution of marriage and burning in hell for your sins.

Wait, that's what's going to happen right? I'm pretty sure someone told me that God said that. I just couldn't find quite where.

I hope we're up to the task. It's hard work!

It's you gays from New Jersey.

You're a shifty lot!

I hope you'll post some pix, but I'll understand if you want to maintain privacy! :)

;)

:toast:

:party:

happy for you!

My partner and I had a commitment ceremony (not legal) 3 years ago. We've discussed 'crossing the border' to get married, but we live in PA and if it's not recognized here then it's not worth the expense and paperwork because we wouldn't have the benefits in PA

Question for you - would you be able to file a MARRIED tax return at the fed level? or does it only apply for NJ? What if you move to another state where it's not legal?

DOMA prevents the Feds from recognizing joint returns from same-sex couples. Even gays in Massachusetts have to file separate Fed forms.

A BIG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

:toast: :bounce:





"

Who have clergy who would be honored to officiate at your wedding. Summit, Montclair, Ridgewood...


http://www.uua.org/obgltc/wcp/wc1expln.html

o Offers congregational and ministerial support for union and memorial services for b/g/l/t persons, and for celebrations of...family definitions.
o Celebrates the lives of all people and welcomes same-sex couples, recognizing their committed relationships, and equally affirms displays of caring and affections without regard to sexual orientation.
o Includes and address the needs of b/g/l/t persons at every level of congregational life—in worship, in programs, in social occasions, and in rites of passage—welcoming not only their presence, but the gifts and particularities of their lives as well.
o Assumes the presence of b/g/l/t people and celebrates this diversity by having inclusive language and content in their worship.
o Fully incorporates the experiences of b/g/l/t persons throughout all programs, including religious education.
o Includes an affirmation and nondiscrimination clause in our by-laws and other official documents affecting all dimensions of congregational life, including membership, hiring practices, and the calling of religious professionals.
o Engages in outreach into the b/g/l/t community in its advertising and by actively supporting b/g/l/t affirmative groups.
o Seeks to nurture ongoing dialogue between bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, and heterosexual persons and to create deeper trust and sharing.
o Encourages the presence of a chapter of Interweave.
o Affirms and celebrates b/g/l/t issues and history during the church year.
o Attends to legislative developments and works to promote justice, freedom, and equality in the larger society.
o Speaks out when the rights of bisexual, gay, lesbian, and transgender people are at stake.
o Celebrates the lives of all people and their ways of expressing their love for each other.

Results of my Google Search

:hug:

Sending warmest wishes your way for a beautiful ceremony and many, many wonderful anniversaries to come! Bright blessings of peace, joy and laughter for the two of you!

:toast:

I wish you every happiness in the world. :toast:

:grr:

Just kidding.

Twenty years from all this will seem as odd as hosing down marchers in the streets.

May you have a wonderful life together.

on weekends, anyway, when they go down to the place on the ocean in Long Branch. :sarcasm:

At least you're not devaluing Mom's marriage, 'cause she's a sane, reasonable person, i.e. a Democrat.

So if you have a non-ordained friend you really want to get you hitched, you should be able to get them ordination papers from the universal life church or some other ordination mill for cheap or free. Some friends of mine did that a few years back when they wanted to get married, and the Stevie Nicks lookalike who married my Mom and husband #4 (gee, I'm sure glad no gay people are threatening the sanctity of marriage here in the golden state) sure hadn't gone through any more training than it takes to photocopy a ceremony out of one of the Farrar's books and read it badly.

PS Congrats to both of you!

If you're ordained, you need to either have your own physical church, or be employed as a minister by a congregation with a physical church, in order to perform weddings.

The friends referenced in the above post are wiccan. I can't think of more than a handful places in the country where a circle/coven/whatever actually owns premises, most being (rather like early Christan churches) informal affairs that meet in people's homes.

Oh well.

I'm sure the UUs or an Open and Affirming UCC or Episcopalian church would be glad to help you two out on that front.

Wishing you every happiness!!!

You have NO idea what this post did for this old straight guy. A huge smile on my face and I also want to commend you for dealing with this in a positive way ..... looking at the half full glass instead of the half empty one.

Some day, I am **sure** the 'M' word will apply to all, but for now, this is a great step forward.

We need to never settle for 'almost equal', but we also need to be happy for good, positive steps to the final goal.

Congrats. Hope it's happier than my marriage was....But that's over now :).

:evilgrin: Participate in which tuxedo you're choosing? What kind of cake? Limo or horse drawn carriage?

Have a blast! Dance till your feet hurt and post some pictures! Congratulations!!

:party:

:toast:

May your "unionization" be as fabulous as possible!

More so now than ever before. Congratulations! Any many more happy years.

;)

May you and your love have a long and beautiful union. :toast:

I'm not sure if my partner wants to get married, but we did do the DP thing several years ago. He hasn't asked yet.

would be happy to marry you.

and "R" from us stranded in Denver! :)

I do understand the no invite thing. No prob. I'm thrilled for you!

:toast:

can I kiss the groom?

Here's a virtual toaster for the happy couple!


mikey_the_rat

L'Chiam

And please keep us posted as the planning progresses, so we can participate via cyberspace if not in person...

Many happy years of friendly bickering to you and your partner.

The friendly bickering is already underway.

So happy for you both... it's about damn time!

You might want to call around to your local UU churches to see if there is a member of the clergy there who will perform the ceremony. By and large, the UU is known for their acceptance of all.

Congratulations again! I'm sorry it took so long for you to be able to do this.

:toast: :bounce:

"These events are getting so boring! I'm telling you, it's all these old married couples."

Have a great ceremony! I still think you should invite Bryan's sister, just so everyone can laugh as she screams herself hoarse during the part where the minister asks if there are any objections.