This is post 5,000. I promise more bad jokes, occasionally decent insight

And of course more often than not I will likely be full of crap. But, I wish all of us an upturn in optimism, an end to war, a government that backs its own people, kids that are loved whatever their family structures, continuing dialogue here at DU, and baseball free of steroids. Don't know how I can still be an optimist, but this place sure helps. Many thanks.

:hi:

ON EDIT: Is that somebody you know? Is it you? (I don't know my baseball so good.)

of those, can we? At least I can't.

Redstone

It's OK; half Swedish and half Norwegian descent here, so don't let anybody tell you that these Scandinavian jokes aren't pc. By yumpin' yiminy. Open a pouch of lutefisk and enjoy.



Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1.

The Operator said "Where are you?"

Ole answered, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street."

The operator asked, "How do you spell that?"

The phone seemed to go dead.

The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting.

He finally came back on line and said, "I dragged her over to Oak St. O-A-K."

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.

The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.

However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.

Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?"

"Yaaah, I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."

>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"

"Yust a minute", said the busy clerk.

"Vell", said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust
take da bus."

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support.

He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support."

"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," smiled Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"

"No, I don't," answered Ole.

"Canoes tip once in a while, ya know," said Lars.

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working."

Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to."

So Ole drove to Duluth.

"How to Talk Minnesotan," and really liked it.

I'll read and enjoy as many of those as you'll post.

Redstone

:toast:

;)