What You Need To Believe ..... To Be A Republican

This may not be new here, but I got a kick out of it and wanted to share. Got this in an email from a fellow Dem:

What You Need To Believe .....To Be A Republican :

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad
guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health
care to all Americans is democratic socialism. HMOs and insurance
companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense,
but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die
is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet, and
protecting our country by invading others.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George W. Bush's driving record, Armed Forces records are none of our
business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.

Support "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be
born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Support for hunters who shoot their friends, and blame them for wearing
orange vests similar to those worn by the quail! (Quayle?)

You hate taxes and do everything you can to get out of paying them while being the first in line for a government contract, no bid if possible.

You have to believe that Jesus was a blonde, blue-eyed, Hummer-driving, shotgun-wielding, war-loving, Bush-voting Republican who came to earth solely to condemn homosexuality