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It's late at night and the janitor for the Central Methodist Church has left the lights on in the basement of the side coffee hall room. The shadows make it difficult to see but the room seems packed.
Moderator: "We have a new member go ahead"
"My name is grantcart and I am an addict I am addicted to snark."
Moderator: "How did it start?"
"I live in a bad area its an upscale area of San Diego and everyone is a Republican and drives Hummers and German cars. Everytime I park the car I have to snark before I fit my Honda in. Anyway its 'Duke' Cunningham's district and just out of survival I used to write him snarky letters and share them with friends. Then they threw his sorry ass into prison and I was more or less cut off".
Moderator: We understand Congress is a gateway snark. Cunningham was a major dealer.
"I had pretty much adjusted and then Cheney shot his friend in the face and didn't visit him in the hospital and like the whole country snarked it up. It was like MJ in the '60s or coke in the 80's everyone was emailing jokes and pictures."
Moderator: Yes the market value of snark collapsed it was everywhere for free.
"Yeah well I kept sending my friends snark mail and I noticed that they were sending me less and less. Campaign started and I would do just recreaional snarking. Mostly light stuff like Thompson shit or Guilliani shit but I had a couple weekends where I OD on some pristine Romney shit"
cliffordu "that Romney shit was the best shit around plentiful sweet aroma full of hypocrocy and completely pretenscious"
Moderator: Please cliffordu don't interupt.
"Well that import stuff always left a terrible after taste in my mouth - yeah it gave you a fix but then you had to see these repulsive guys going on and on they were snorting it up, and not snarking, like the believed that stuff so I cut it out and started just taking domestic snark. Little Gravel, some Kucinich but afterwards I felt guilty cause he's such a good guy. But it was harmless stuff just recreational post debate stuff. I thought I could handle it."
"Then Iowa and the quality of the snark just started to soar and I couldn't get enough - finally my friend told me to take it to DU and that was like having an alcoholic become a winetaster at Gallo. The Clinton campaign just went crazy they had all of these mainline sources and like every day there was Penn, Wolfson, Carville, McAuliffe and Davis. But I ended up having to mix it with alcohol it was too strong to take it straight up. But once you got em it would keep me going for hours or days. Sometimes I would be in my car at a light thinking about what one of those guys said and I would glance around and realize that all of the people in the neighboring cars would be staring at me because I had been shaking with laughter."
TheVoiceofReason, "Man you crazy to be taking that shit and snarking while driving you could have killed someone"
berni_mccoy: That Penn was pure shit, you take a straight shot of that, especially if it was a film clip and you could be wiped out for days, if you operated heavy machinery you could kill someone.
Moderator: Any other effects:
"Sometimes like 30 minutes after I got a Wolfson hit Ill be giggling and my family stares at me. Their Thai and speak English but they just stare at me. At night I talk about it in my sleep. A couple of months ago I had two weeks of it and my wife said I kept saying 'Wyoming - great win for Hillary', she moved to the guest bedroom but last night she said I was yelling '14 points for Indiana'. I had a dream about changing my sex and moving in with m*****j*** and snarking Obamians.
Moderator: Well why are you here?
"Well we all know that our main dealers are going to be shutting down and I wanted to be prepared for it, afraid of going cold turkey."
(the whole room groans and shifts in its seat - musical phone signal "WAR what is it good for" starts)
Moderator: Turn off your cell phone please
"Sorry it was a text message"
"Clinton campaign just released a press release. Last night confirmed Senator Clinton's commanding hold on the nation's most important demographic 'people who have basements'. People who have basements experience the fullness of America. They play ping pong. They play pool. They have work benches where they make diaramas. They have cub scout meetings. It was people who have basements that won the Big War. They don't have a lot of basements in elitist places like San Francisco or Illinois.
Moderator: Oh Mr. Grantcart stop please stop now you have the whole room snarking
phrigndumass: I got it too 72% of baement owners favored Clinton as well as 63% of people who not only knew what a hula hoop was
but still owned one. Also 73% of the people that did not own a fondue pot went for Clinton.
Moderator: All of you please leave. (everyone shuffles out of the room)
TheVoiceofReason: "Gonna miss Wolfson and McAuliffe when their history. You can't make that shit up - we will never see that again"
Cliffordu: "Not a problem I have been looking at the imported stuff and McCain has the strongest shit yet. He goes back and forth on everything calls his wife pretty names and keeps saying 'My Friends' right before he lays a big fat turd on you:
pringndumass: "Well that will take us to Nov 4th and then we will be officially 'shit out of luck'"
"No way man I got us a back up - my main dealer he's going inside man. This guy has been dealing since the 70s he will find it and he will pass it to us for years man"
Everyone: Who
"His code name is Senator, Senator Franken.
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