Watching Your Own Funeral

A lot of people here who know me know that I have been considering leaving Democratic Underground. They know because I let them know in Private Messages. I have gotten over 100 Private Messages in return asking me to please reconsider.

Then my good friend BlooInBloo started an actual thread to convince me to stay:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1189655#1190615

After reading some of that thread I have decided that yes, it would indeed be a hoot and a half to attend one's own funeral...<g>

First I want to address Bloo and all those who have shown great support for me. Thanks. You guys are the absolute best of the best. Your PMs and this thread show me the love that resides in the nooks and crannies of DU. Bloo is such a caring sweetie. Who would have thunk it. Now I know; he's just crusty on the outside...and quite succinct...but a squishy marshmallow inside. Thank-you for caring Bloo. I think you guys are great.

Second, I want to address the inevitable and always forthcoming posts on the thread that accused me of being a drama queen. I haven't been back to check today and so don't know if any of the usual posts referring to the posterior anatomy of the person considering leaving, in proximity to the door, have appeared. So I can only address that in theory. I know where my butt is, thank-you very much.

To those who did use the drama queen accusation, NOT A DRAMA queen. THIS thread is my first thread on the topic. All the rest of my communications on this topic were in private messages. I haven't started any of the ..."bye, you guys hurt me so and I think I'm leaving unless I jump first" threads. THIS is my first on the topic. The only other thread on this was not started by me. It was started by my friend, BlooInBloo.

I do want to add this. When people are thinking about leaving and do post the dramatic threads about it, I find the "door/ass/drama queen" crap off-putting, unfriendly and shallow. People can be ambivalent and want to discuss the issue with the group. Most of us put a lot of emotion into being a part of DU and we want to know it matters and that we matter. Because someone is ambivalent does not mean they should be dismissed. It doesn't mean their feelings should be derided. Maybe they should be discussed. Gee...what a concept, kindness and caring. We are liberal, right? ..but I didn't post one of THOSE threads, just fyi.

Also perhaps the vanity of a thread like this should be discussed. I only post this because I told friends here that I would and because Bloo started a thread just for me. I was going to wait until I left and just leave a simple "goodbye".

Oh yes and I know many Iraqis and American soldiers have been killed in the amount of time wasted reading Bloo's post and this post. It has been pointed out. Still don't quite understand the people who post in threads they think are unworthy. Shouldn't you just be starting a Worthy thread?

Ultimately still, that's not why I am ambivalent. I am not pouty, wimpy or scared of much in life, actually. I get pissed off here a lot. I get moderator warnings a lot...<g> ...and still, I often leave for the day upset. I don't want a Tombstone. If DU and I are breaking up, I want to be the breaker not the breakee. I don't want a hunk of granite that calls me a "disrupter".

After heated discussions and I get particularly upset on the threads about domestic violence, gay rights and illegal immigrants, I end up leaving the group for the day all wound up and not in a fun way. My girlfriend, just last week after a thread on domestic violence got me all riled, said I spent the day pacing and muttering under my breath and that I was upsetting our animals...<g> A lot of the posts here often leave me feeling like I either have to go for it and risk a Tombstone or I have to sit on my hands and risk a coronary...pacing and muttering all evening.

So I didn't do a dramatic. All I have done and all I am saying, is sincere. I am ambivalent. Sometimes I want to be here so badly I feel like I'm Jonesing if I'm not posting and interacting and having a good time with you guys but sometimes the topics veer off into a direction that makes me not feel good at all and makes me not feel emotionally safe here and makes me feel I need to leave. Ambivalence. It's real. It's valid.

I also own a Yahoo group with hundreds of members that I have had almost as long as DU has been in existence and I have been neglecting it, much to the chagrin and dismay of my members. (...and we also have a few little subgroups.) I need to attend to them. We get over 3000 posts a month, which is a lot for an entertainment group and I have 600 members. I've known those people for many many years. I need to spend more time there. It is something I created and something I am proud of and love. I cannot neglect my own groups.

So what I have decided to do is to take a break, a vacation. I might pop in occasionally and k&r something spectacular and I will be back to posting regularly but I need a break. My girlfriend, my shrink, my animals and my members are all telling me this and I think they are right.

Thanks to all of you for all your support. I love a lot of you very much. Many of you have my email address and you can PM me also. I learn something new here every single day.

So instead of "goodbye"...."later gaiters"..... It's just a vacation.

Lee




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If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Buffy
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Keep in touch. I emailed you.

It would be too cool if you could come up to Crawford July 6, 7 or 8. It's not that far from you. :)

I thought it was someone else. (sigh)

but I do a Pacino every time.

:rofl:

I'm glad you are staying.:hug:

I really admire your passion and I understand how easy it can be to let the anger and hate at DU affect you personally. There was a time when DU did the same thing to me - made me physically ill at the kind of crap, lies, personal attacks I would encounter.

I would say that a break is exactly what you need, because it helped me out a lot when I was getting sick of this place. A break will help you regain important perspective, too. I know there are a couple of times I would get SO FURIOUS about something I read on DU and get into a vicious, epic, mega flamewar with someone about something I cared passionately about. But when you take a break it brings such things into perspective and you really realize that all of it - the flamewars, the nasty people who stalk you on DU, the people who troll around and lie and agitate - they DON'T MATTER. They really don't. And I only realized that after I excised them from my life for several months.

Life is way too short and precious to spend your time on things that have a negative effect on your mind and soul. If DU has gotten to that point for you - if there is more negative here than positive - then it's definitely time to back away for awhile, to spend your days doing things that make you happy and fulfilled. Then maybe later you can come back here, converse with the people you like, and remember why you ever liked DU to begin with. And just remember that the assholes don't matter. They really don't.

Remember, you can simulate a break from DU by going hog-wild with the Ignore feature.
Also just log out if you want to see what ignored said!

:hug: come back soon !

We need your feisty self here. XO

Hate to see you away; understand all too well.

Can't match what I gain here in news and analysis ANYwhere else; yet the worst parts of what DU is -- and they are too frequent and too ugly and too tolerated -- definitely negatively affect my quality of life too. I understand the muttering and the anger and the rage and the hurt, as many other women here do as well.

I wonder how many women have left DU just because of the sexism and in your case also homophobia? Many, many, many. As much as what goes on here hurts ME, I've grown a thicker skin than many other women have been able to do. I'm sure that comes at a cost, though.

Anyway, have a great "vacation." I'm sure the peace and serenity of mind will be heavenly.

I've already got my Buffy DVDs all lined up for the week...and some Angel and Firefly, Battlestar Galactica...

...and some really good herb.

Peace. See you guys in a couple of weeks or so.

Lee

I'm glad you decided not to take off for good. Just breathe for a while, and do all those things that will help you find a little more peace. Like I said before, it comes and goes, and you don't want to miss the good stuff, and we don't want to lose you. :hug: