"Where is the rage?" asks Iraq War veteran

"Where is the rage?" asks Iraq War veteran

By Army National Guard Spc. Justin Cliburn. September 10, 2007

"No, I am not going back to participate in that war."


I had drill this weekend. Drill has been a forever-evolving presence in my life for the past six years. I went from looking forward to drill to hating it to missing it while I was in Iraq and back to looking forward to it when I returned. I used to hate drill, but found myself liking the weekends where I was reunited with those that I spent a year with in Iraq. Over the past few months, that has turned into dread, and I am questioning whether or not I can remain an effective member of the military.

Over the course of our many bullshit sessions at drill, the topic of Iraq inevitably came up. We exchanged stories and shared laughs as the new guys who didn't deploy looked on with wonder. Stories about clandestine drunken nights, the anger that comes with being kicked out of the chow hall for being sweaty, and getting to the point where you ignore gunfire took up most of the time, but not all of the stories were so innocent. The same set of soldiers that in 2005 said they couldn't wait to kill "ragheads" were now bragging about times they scared Iraqis, bent the rules of engagement, and generally enjoyed playing bully for a year. I like these guys a lot, but I don't know why I was surprised. I had thought that maybe being there for a year would eventually change them and open their eyes to how their actions were inhumane, but I was wrong.

Someone who had not deployed before asked if we would go again. "In a heartbeat!" one soldier replied. Others assured him that they would have no problem going back. Now, the eyes were on me.

"No, I am not going back to participate in that war."

The look of shock and awe on their faces quickly gave way to a flurry of questions about how I would get out, what I would do, how I could do that to my comrades, why I felt the way I did, what I thought I was proving, and why I thought I could make a difference. The question that got me on a roll, however, was none of the above.

"What are you going to do . . . become a conscientious objector?" one soldier and friend said with a smirk and a chuckle.

"In fact, I just may do that. That's what I am, essentially, isn't it?"

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human lives regardless of ethnicity and can fully establish the lines drawn between right and wrong without fear of retribution for thinking for one's self"

peace, church, and colleges across the country this summer.

See --> http://patscanlon.com/ for details.