Have a few laughs at Bush's expense on a Monday afternoon

found at: http://www.infoimagination.org/ps/humor/index.html

Best Bumper Stickers of 2007

1. Bush: End of an Error
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
3. Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First
4. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
5. Bush. Like a Rock - Only Dumber
6. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
7. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
8. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
10. Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blow Jobs Anymore
11. America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
12. They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
13. Jail to the Chief
14. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
15. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full of Crap
16. Bad President! No Banana
17. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
18. We're making Enemies Faster than We Can Kill Them
19. Is It Vietnam Yet?
20. Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
21. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We in This Handbasket?
22. You elected him. You Deserve Him.
24. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
25. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
26. One Nation under Clod
27. At Least Nixon had the decency to Resign

Wake Up!
George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, "What's in the basket?"

She replies, "New baby kittens," and she opens the basket to show him.

"How nice," says Bush. "What kind are they?"

The little girl says, "Republicans."

Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.

Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket.

Bush says, "Watch this, Karl -- it's really cute."

They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, "Fine." Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, "And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?"

She replies, "Democrats."

Aghast, Bush says, "But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!"

"I know," she says. "But now their eyes are open."

Terrorist Demands
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US I-95 south, just outside of Washington, DC. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter. They are demanding a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?

"About a gallon."

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY
DESTROYED BY FLOOD
Crawford, Texas (AP) June 18th, 2007

A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush.

The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of his books were kept. Both of the books have been lost.

A presidential spokesperson said the President was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.

Kids Know Best
Bush goes out jogging one morning and, preoccupied with international affairs, fails to notice that a car is heading straight at him. A group of schoolchildren pull the president away just in time, saving his life, and a grateful Bush offers them anything they want in the world as a reward.

"We want a place reserved for us at Arlington Memorial Cemetery," say the children.

"Why is that?" asks Bush.

"Because our parents will kill us if they find out what we've done."

Robot Server
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, Quantum physics and spirituality, bio-mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."

He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, super models, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And, the robot says... real slowly... "So.............ya gonna vote for Bush again?"

Nominate Bush for Sainthood
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit a Methodist church outside Washington DC as part of his campaign. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush shows up looking especially smug and as the sermon progresses the Bishop begins his homily:

"George Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself on an aircraft carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished!'. He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known.

But compared to Dick Cheney and the rest of his cabinet, George Bush is a saint."

Excerpt from a recent News Conference
Bush Arrives In New Orleans

Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A: He really doesn't give a shit how people get out of New Orleans. Q: What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?

A: George W. Bush actually had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War. President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims this time and one beautiful blonde."

The guy exclaimed, "A beautiful blonde? Why kill a beautiful blonde?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Muslims!"

Nixon minus a brain equal George W. Bush

Enjoy This Short Comedic Segment

Comic on Bush and Clinton

Republicans and Democrats
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me sounds technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. Now, you're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, it's now MY fault."

Quote of the Day
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the Americas Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war."

Help Uncover Terrorists in America
As part of President Bush's "five point" plan to salvage Iraq, he has also requested that Americans sacrifice at home to assist his international war against terrorism. As we all know, al Qaeda Fundamentalists considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Saturday at 2:00p.m. Eastern time all North American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's okay to see other women nude and show support for their fellow sisters. And, since these Islamic Fundamentalists \do not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.

President George W. Bush and the United States of America appreciate your efforts to root out the evil terrorists, and applaud your participation. God bless America!!!

Headfirst!