Senate Meets At Coffee Shop To Brainstorm Legislation

WASHINGTON—Citing a need to finally reach consensus on the country's most pressing political matters and a desire to foster a healthy, open environment for drafting new legislation, the U.S. senate held its first-ever brainstorming session Tuesday at Café Karma, a funky little coffee shop near the Capitol Building.

Because Café Karma—a favorite meeting place for musicians, poets, and visual artists in the area—offers 50-cent refills and features large, comfortable chairs, senators on both sides of the aisle considered it a natural venue for overcoming hurdles on a number of controversial issues. One free-association exercise led by Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) led to a bipartisan, comprehensive new proposal for stem-cell research that features an accompanying theme song. A complete overhaul of the budget appropriations process was also drawn up, though the 128-page bill will have to be copied from napkin to paper form before going to a vote.

"One of the first things we did was float a $60 million endowment for the guy working on his screenplay way over in the corner," Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-WA) said. "It sounds really cool, and he could definitely use some extra cash right now. We're all pretty psyched."

Not all of the senators' new ideas concerned politics. Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV) proposal for a cookie shaped like a spoon that could be used for stirring café lattes or other milk-based coffee drinks, and then consumed received nearly unanimous consent. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) also called a point of order to declare that Neutral Milk Hotel's Aeroplane Over the Sea was probably one of his top five albums of all time, though he did concede that it would impossible to definitively name the other four, since the list changes over time. <snip>

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/72460

I realized this was The Onion.

They are hilarious aren't they?

Absolution to all alter boys who led their priests into lives of sin and pedophilia!

And no other news source even covered that!

CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighter All These Years.

...before saying to myself, "This has got to be a put-on."

God Bless The Onion.

and not for real. But the Karma is gonna get us, one way or another.