***DUzy Awards for week ending January 18, 2008***

This should have appeared last week.

On a thread by K8-EEE:

      Since when does FoxNews have a sex advice column?
"What’s it going to take to get her into bed?

Whether he’s just met a gal or has been dating a dame for a while, this is the million-dollar question that looms in the back of nearly every man’s mind when his focus becomes that of pleasure pursuits.

... When you wear a "sexpert" hat like me, men are always bashfully asking you to give them guidance on how to score more with women of interest or those they have been wooing for a while. Thankfully, there are some surefire techniques that will make her weak in the knees and game for intimacy.

All you need to do is brush up on your Casanova routine, create Eros-inducing moments and employ some warm-up seduction moves that would put Romeo to shame..."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,321867,00.html

response #1 by InternalDialogue:

      (insert appropriate falafel comment here)

response #6 by Kurovski:

      Proper men's room etiquette is also an important part of romance for the Right-Winger.
Let's not be forgetting this.

response #8 by Swamp Rat:

      Yes, the 'reach-around' is paramount...
... it's the ethical thing to do.

response #11 by K8-EEE:

      Always be warm and romantic when reaching under the stall
Your partner will love you for it!

response #12 by Kurovski:

      ...the wider the stance, the fuller the pants.
Take a tap-dance class for an added dimension to your love-making.

For a real turn-on, steal quarters from beggars' cups together.

response #3 by TwoSparkles:

      "All you need to do is brush up...
...on your Casanova routine..."

Yeah. If you're trying to boink Rue McClanahan.

response #14 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Dating a DAME? LOLOL
Gee, those Brooklyn Dodgers sure have a swell team, don't they? I'm taking Mamie to the Polo Grounds tomorrow to watch them play the Giants!

:silly:

Tune in next week for Time Capsule Theater, the year will be 1748.

response #18 by hootinholler:

      Methinks the lady doth protest too much!
Forsooks for if we are caught the red letter shall certainly make its appearance.

response #21 by K8-EEE:

      Next week: How to bag a swell broad! n/t

GD, January 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2658318

On a thread by LoZoccolo:

      Today is the worst day in the history of Democratic Underground.

response #9 by redqueen:

      DOOGA DOOGA DOOGA!

response #13 by IndianaJones:

      the designer vagina thread? nt.

response #37 by NoPasaran:

      I think it was that day in 2004 when GD: P crashed
And Skinner sent evryone to bed without any supper.

response #38 by Bucky:

      You must not remember 2004 too well.
We've seen much worse. Those Kucinich-Dean-Clark-Kerry flamefests were absolute classics... and we didn't even have big guns like race & sex to play with. We were calling each other traitors and fascists over gun control and the freakin' Department of Peace back then.

These Obama-Clinton flamiacs are nothing but pikers.

response #53 by Debi:

      Nope - Fat Actress wars kicks any GD-P flamefest
:rofl:

response #67 by Township75:

      Well, there is always tomorrow!
that could be way worse!!!

response #72 by JVS:

      Try to balance it with the best day on DU. Remember the day that Liebermania over-ran DU...
during the 2004 primaries and a whole bunch of Dean supporters sang the praises of Joe "our most electable choice for 2004" Lieberman?

Good times.

response #82 by Phoebe Loosinhouse:

      But, it's also the first day of the rest of our life. nt.

GDP, January 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4036531

On a thread by LostinVA:

      Post one interesting thing about yourself

response #53 by rug:

      I was locked in a room in a mental hospital with a cannibal at lunchtime, without lunch.

response #63 by otherlander:

      Zach, is that you?
Look, man, I didn't mean to bite your nose off. But the idiot in charge of the hospital decided it would be a good idea to give me anti-depressants.
But they were able to sew it back on, and that's the important thing, right? Are there still scars on the left side?

response #86 by stuntcat:

      I can say the alphabet backwards in 5 seconds
(I'll repeat that every time there's a thread like this because everything else sounds weird and bullshitier :))

response #91 by skinnyjeans:

      I have a
dictionary that does not have any modern words, I can't find a single one.

response #130 by no name no slogan:

      I have a really, really huge
personality

response #151 by kwassa:

      There is absolutely nothing interesting about me at all.
That is my one interesting thing.

response #153 by HEyHEY:

      My third testicle is HUGE

The Lounge, January 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7342596

OP excerpt by WillyT:

      I'm About To Commit DU Heresy Here, But...
I'm actually (not always) enjoying this election season so far! I mean, once you get away from the back-biting, self-immolation, and "Good-Bye DU" threads, this is pretty great!

response #21 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      I thought you were going to mention Olive Garden
Thank goodness...

GD, January 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2665769

OP by BleedingHeartPatriot:

      The DU roller coaster ride, this week, via paraphrased perusal of the Latest page..
Get on board, you'll scream, laugh, puke and cry!

1/6.

Edwards won the debate last night.

Obama won the debate last night.

Clinton won the debate last night

The Republicans really sucked.

My candidate can beat any Republican, see this poll.

Hillary crying, video here.

OMG, look at her blubbering.

What if she cries when she meets with Putin?

Hillary’s tears are fake.

Edwards said something mean about Hillary crying.

Edwards is cruel.

Hey, Hillary wasn’t crying.

It’s not sexist to say Hillary cried.

Poll: Will Hillary’s crying help her or hurt her?


1/7.

She didn’t cry, and Edwards said something nice.

Go Obama!

Obama is unstoppable!

Look at these polls, Obama is way ahead!

My coworker's niece said she'll never vote for Clinton because she cried.

Helloooo, Edwards is still running.

Hillary’s going for the pity vote.

Obama’s too corporate.

Poll: Is it sexist to say Hillary is a female?

Hillary stole Edwards's passion.

Hillary’s a crying warmonger.

Too bad Obama can’t just cry and get a bunch of votes.

Bill Clinton says he can’t make Hillary younger.

Go Edwards!

“Iron my shirt”

“Iron my shirt" guys are Hillary plants.

Skinner: …I believe America is ready for a black president and here’s why….


1/8

Hillary’s ahead, yay!

WTF? Hillary’s winning?

Awesome turnout for Democrats!

WooHoo, Hillary won!

OK New Hampshire, thanks for nothing.

Congratulations to Sen. Clinton!

America is fucked.

The race is still wide open!

Poll: Did Hillary’s crying help her win?

Hellooo, Edwards is still in the race.

McCain won?

McCain’s speech sucked.

Tweety is seriously unhinged.


1/9

Election Fraud!!!!

Get over it, she won.

Hey Edwards, you need to drop out.

Edwards supporters, check in here.

Relax, there’s still 48 other states.

Detailed analysis of exit polls here.

Detailed analysis of each New Hampshire county voter demographic here.

Detailed description of machine vs. hand counted ballots here.

Detailed analysis of polling variability with undecideds and rolling results here.

Detailed description of the Wilder effect here.

“Iron my shirt” guys were from a local radio station.

Poll: Should the votes be recounted in New Hampshire?

Skinner: Election result analysis and discussion will now be in the Election Reform forum.

I will never vote for Hillary and here’s why.

I will never vote for Obama and here’s why.

Edwards is a phony and here’s why.

Matthews is really obsessing about the Clintons.

Edwards beats every Republican in this poll.

Obama beats every Republican in this poll.

Clinton beats every Republican in this poll.

Skinner: …I believe America is ready for a woman president and here’s why..

Can’t we all just get along?


1/10.

Kerry endorses Obama.

Yay, great endorsement!

Obama is going to win South Carolina!

Kerry slapped Edwards in the face.

Kerry stabbed Clinton in the back.

The Culinary Workers Union endorsed Obama!

Service Employees International Union of Nevada endorsed Obama!

Gov. Napolitano endorsed Obama!

Look at this email I just got about Obama.

Please read this email my RW brother-in-law sent me about Obama.

Is this true? Email I received about Obama.

My coworker’s niece said she’ll never vote for Obama because of this email.

Andrew Cuomo said, “shuck and jive.”

Don’t forget, McCain really sucks.

McCain is dangerous.

The Clintons are racist.

The Clintons aren’t racist.

Hellooo, Edwards is still running.

Richardson drops out.

Kucinich demands a recount.

"Likable enough" is condescending.

The official Republican Debate thread.

Tweety really hates Hillary.


1/11.

Edwards hasn’t really changed.

Obama is too corporate.

Hillary never apologized for her IWR vote.

FOX says Thompson won the debate, WTF?

Bush says we should have bombed Auschwitz.

Bush in the ME, where’s Cheney?

Bush in the Holy Land, where’s the lightening?

Obama is going to win S.C.

Edwards will surge.

Hillary is going to be on Meet The Press.

And…

The icing on the cake…THE DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND MOVIE.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=2656529

Whew, that was a great ride, I'm getting back in line!

GD, January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2667951

OP by CK_John:

      In 1490 if Columbus got killed in a bar fight would there be a caucus in NV next week?
I'm getting sick of all these stupid "what if" topics. It is what it is, deal with it.

GDP, January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4040587

OP by MrScorpio:

      Both Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera had their babies
Any idea how soon the kids will be featured boozing it up in Hollywood by the paparazzi?

response #2 by Cooley Hurd:

      At the same time?
Obviously a publicity stunt... ;)

response #3 by tekisui:

      They already have been.
In Uterus.

response #6 by Kurovski:

      I didn't even know they were a couple.

The Lounge (moved from GD), January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7345752

OP by bob_weaver:

      How many DUers does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
16 to make flippant, cynical, slightly bitter (but admittedly funny) replies
1 to move it to the Lighting Forum
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals Forum
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
7 to put each other on Ignore because of this thread
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a Lightbulb forum, and if there is no Lightbulb forum, to petition the administrators to establish one
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
5 to claim that a lightbulb mentioned is actually a Bulb In Name Only
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
12 to compete who is first to reply with "IBTL"
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
5 to condemn earlier posters that any mention of incandescent bulbs is not eco-friendly and that you will get Al Gore on their ass
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, bolding key phrases and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
3 dramatic "Goodbye DU" posts
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

response #1 by flvegan:

      Why does a light bulb need to be CHANGED?!!?
Maybe the light bulb was born that way.

Heh heh, wanted to get it in first. Funny f'ing post, bob_weaver.

response #4 by bob_weaver:

      So you're AGAINST CHANGE

response #9 by Botany:

      Thanx!
3 people to post that it is sexist for a man to change the bulb.
22 people to post that old bulb was fine but Rove was behind it
8 people to post that the light from the new bulb makes them feel
"unwelcome."

response #15 by undeterred:

      A light bulb has to want to be changed
or else all is futility. :banghead:

response #34 by seabeyond:

      how many repugs to change light bulb? 0
they deny the need for change
they tell themselves it was already changed
they say it is lite in the room

they sit in the dark.
at least the dems changed it

response #42 by LiberalHeart:

      They remind you that only they can protect you from light bulbs.

response #93 by treestar:

      1 post making fun of the freepers for the way they change light bulbs
2 posts protesting any link to freerepublic
3 posts expressing an admiration for the stomach of anyone willing to go and see what is being said in freepland
3 posts saying that the DLC is just as corporate as the repukes and that is how big business gets to control the electrical industry
3 post expressing concern that Hillary, a woman, will not be effective as a typically man's job like changing lightbulbs
3 energetic responses from Hillary's supporters
1 post saying Edwards is the only one tough enough to take on the electrical industry
2 posts saying only Obama has enough vision to inspire change in light bulbs
2 posts lamenting the disunity on DU

response #59 by stellanoir:

      This thread is cursed.
I'm lighting a candle for it.

response #64 by Sugar Smack:

      And then they came for the candles.
:cry:

response #70 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

      3 To Yell The Idea For A New Bulb Was Stolen From Edwards Since HE's The One That Talks About Change

response #74 by bob_weaver:

      And the results are in:
36% think you can just "hope" and the light bulb will change because of your platitudes
20% think you can't just "nice" the light bulb into changing - you have to fight it
35% say they have had 35 years experience changing light bulbs, and would be ready to start changing them on day one
4% are going to sue that they weren't allowed to even touch the light bulb, and are demanding a rechange
5% apparently didn't get the meme

response #82 by Wizard777:

      8 to say the bulb burning out was LIHOP and 10 to prove it was MIHOP.
1 to point out that conspiracy theorists shouldn't wear tin foil hats while changing light bulbs.

response #85 by orleans:

      link? n/t

response #92 by treestar:

      3 to complain that the subject is frivolous and should not be indulged
in with all the current problems of the world going on and impeachment not on the table.

3 to argue that the corporatists are making light bulbs in China and that steals jobs from Americans

2 to worry that illegal aliens are stealing the job of changing light bulbs from American citizens.

5 to condemn Halliburton, et al, for making money off of light bulbs for George Bush and his cronies.

6 to say we need to reduce our dependence on electricity generated by energy that requires to foreign oil that we have to steal by bombing the countries where it exists.

7 demands that Keith Olberman take up this subject.

response #104 by NastyRiffraff:

      18 to bemoan the fact that the MSM pays no attention

to the light bulb controversy.

2 to start a petition and demand everyone sign it.

6 to point out that petitions are useless.

and....

73 K&Rs to the lightbulb thread.

response #108 by LiberalHeart:

      17 Moles from the freeper site to say if Dems didn't let bulbs burn out W would have found the WMD.
It's our fault he's been in the dark for 7 years.

response #113 by asdjrocky:

      Classic.
But by posting here, I feel I'm only adding to the light bulb discussion, so I'll be deleting the post soon.

response #116 by swimmernsecretsea:

      2 to request a response using PhotoShop
3 to actually create that response.
All five to include a photo signature line that contains either: a) a frightening image from the Iraqi conflict or b) a kitten or a puppy.

response #154 by Island Blue:

      11 to claim that the only reason
the light bulb burned out in the first place was because of a plot by members of Skull and Bones in 1966 to make all light bulbs burn out one by one.

response #155 by WilliamPitt:

      1 to post "I just peed a little."
I just peed a little.

response #158 by Sugar Smack:

      THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE THAT DON'T EVEN HAVE A LIGHT BULB!!
:nuke:

Tons more enlightened responses in the thread!

GD, January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2670940

On a thread by Bonobo:

      I have an interesting idea for DU. Maybe someone can "flesh it out".

response #4 by AchtungToddler:

      When someone named "bonobo" says "flesh it out"
I have to check out the thread.


Back to your normal broadcast.

response #8 by LiberalHeart:

      I thought you were gonna suggest we pose for a nudie calendar to raise funds for our candidates.

GD, January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2671005

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      Geeze ... will you guys listen to yourselves ............

response #1 by horseface:

      no, I will not

response #3 by WesDem:

      What are you doing in GDP anyway?
;)

response #7 by Husb2Sparkly:

      I used to live here
I just wanted to visit the old neighborhood. Man ..... has this place changed.

response #15 by 48percenter:

      A lot of foreclosures.... n/t

response #18 by Debi:

      Ever since I saw that photo of you in that tutu
I have not been able to think straight :shrug:

GDP, January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4048517

On a thread by babsbunny:

      What Destroyed The WTC?

response #2 by DS1:

      many tons worth of plane, people, luggage, toddlers, iPods, and fuel slamming into the side

response #10 by LostinVA:

      That doesn't make any sense
Let me demonstrate with some chicken wire what really happened.

unnumbered response by DS1:

      If you're going to use chicken wire, you'll need an accelerant
such as corn flakes. I do recall that breakfast was probably being served at the moment of impact, hijackers or not.

response #17 by LostinVA:

      Cornflakes and breast milk
There's a reason why you can't bring that stuff on planes, anymore.

response #23 by DS1:

      and we all know that the mass of breast milk increases with speed
this so called 'heavy breast milk', which the Nazis tried to enrich Uranium with eventually congealed and left them without the bomb. Until the Hillarybergers recovered the dust and formed up with Gerber to make super-accelerated building-vaporizing breast milk, injected it into Barbara Olsen, who immediately fucked up and got on the wrong plane so they crashed that one into the strongest side of the pentagon just to make sure she really felt it, so they set off charges after a handful of SAP consultants looked enough liked terrorists to pin the blame on while Cheney steered both planes from underneath Yucca mountain.

response #28 by LostinVA:

      It all makes so much sense now

response #7 by NoPasaran:

      Karl Rove's Tsunami Machine?

response #9 by cali:

      The Flying Spaghetti Monster sneezed n/t

response #19 by H2O Man:

      Poland

response #24 by citizen_jane:

      ...
Godzilla!

:rofl:

response #31 by Drunken Irishman:

      Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

response #38 by Blue-Jay:

      Gravity makes things fall straight down.

response #39 by DS1:

      Blasphemer!
Everyone knows nature follows the most inefficient path possible. Look at the river Thames! Straight line? I think not, sir!

response #49 by Blue-Jay:

      OK. You're right.
I remember sparring in karate class years ago and getting kicked in the head. I fell backwards instead of crumpling into a neat pile. That's proof enough for me. Had I fallen down in a straight line, I would have suspected that tiny elves implanted explosives in all of my bones while I wasn't looking.

response #54 by MonkeyFunk:

      The Cloverfield monster!

response #59 by MethuenProgressive:

      It was Hillary Clinton in her Racist Tear Shedding Vote Fixing Lesbian Flying Saucer.
It must be true, I read it on DU.

response #89 by ronnykmarshall:

      Donnie McClurkin's mangina.

response #95 by lamprey:

      Blame The Clenis
finally I can see how WJC/WTC fuckup happened.

response #96 by DS1:

      That's right
Bill Clinton had accidentally left his balls hanging out of a chartered flight from Harlem, which struck the towers at two different heights, as giant testicles naturally would.

response #120 by EstimatedProphet:

      It was the old grumpy guy!
He's always the one that does it! And he got away with it this time, because he ditched those meddling kids!

response #126 by qnr:

      Obviously, the fact that they were built.... If they weren't there, they
wouldn't, or for that matter, couldn't have been destroyed.

September 11 (moved from GD), January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=125x190693

OP by smoogatz:

      The race card. The gender card. How about we play
the give me a fucking break card? Can we please stop insulting each others' intelligence with the racist, sexist bullshit?

Thanks very much for your attention.

Your friend,

smoogatz

response #1 by gateley:

      Deal me in. nt

GDP, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4052776

OP by IzaSparrow:

      If you were starting a rock band what would it be called?
I think mine would be: "A Few Steps from White Trash"

we'd play a fusion of bluegrass, rock, and funk

response #5 by DarkTirade:

      I WANTED to call my band Dead Frog, but that's taken. :(
So at the moment I got nothin'.

I even had album covers designed and everything. First album: Crossin' the Highway. Had a slightly squished cartoon frog on the road with a tire track down it. Second album: Wrong Lily Pad. Showed a cartoon frog floating belly up in the water, with a lily pad drifting by.

response #10 by Fenris:

      The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte

response #20 by struggle4progress:

      I just know your forty hour dirge "Das Capital" will be an instant hit!

response #11 by LeftyMom:

      Stucco Dystopia
'cause I'm from the 'burbs.

response #16 by MrSlayer:

      Tremendous Goose, The Sellouts or Glazed Clam.
I've considered "Huge in Japan" as well.

response #18 by struggle4progress:

      Gertrude Stein Explains Fermat's Last Theorem

response #29 by IzaSparrow:

      Heavy...
would it be spoken word, or death metal?

response #37 by struggle4progress:

      "Fermat's Last Theorem" OBVIOUSLY refers to brilliant intricate jazzy improvization
while "Gertrude Stein" warns you of our tendency to twist, repeat, and reuse an otherwise potentially great line until one is mindnumbingly sick of it

response #24 by Jamastiene:

      Lake Titicaca and the Aquatic Scrotums.
That's the name of a real lake in Peru and the English translation for the name of toads that live there. And it's a perfect band name, if you ask me. :evilgrin:

response #43 by Roon:

      Johnny Tampon and the Toxic Shocks eom

response #233 by blockhead:

      What kind of music do you play?
Ragtime?

response #77 by asjr:

      My daughter and I used to laugh about
starting our own duo and since we both have ample bosoms were going to call ourselvs "The Juggs" in honor of Wynona and Naomi. Trouble is we can't sing.

response #84 by Catsbrains:

      Yeast infected gutter sluttin' whores.

response #85 by Connonym:

      Obviously it would be "Kara Thrace and Her Special Destiny"
and it would be a really bad cover band. I'd play the toaster.

response #86 by Wetzelbill:

      Yellow Number Five
And as the frontman I would go by the name Exclamation Point, and sign it like !. My lead guitarist would be known as "The Outskirts."

Our first album will be called: "Community Food Bank."

response #88 by chknltl:

      The Big Bong Theory
...good thing I have no musical talents, that logo painted on the side of an old van might attract attention.

response #111 by Droopy:

      Droopy and the Anti-Depressants

response #113 by mikeytherat:

      "Enzydeco"
Roots-based music for dudes with "male-enhancement issues." If we could capture just 10% of that market, we'd be billionaires before breakfast.

response #131 by IzaSparrow:

      ...
:rofl:

you could announce tour dates as part of spam emails! probably get sponsorship money by a few of the bigger scammers.

response #114 by Ikonoklast:

      "The Apathetic Procrastinators"
We don't really care if we ever get the album finished.

Maybe next month.

response #151 by ZombieNixon:

      The Fresca Douches - Punk rock
Cornflake-Breaded Chicken - Country influenced southern rock
Olive Garden's Ultimate Breadstick Challenge - Mediterranean surf rock
Flame War - death metal

:D

response #177 by Peake:

      Hitler and the Nice Posts.

response #204 by KamaAina:

      Your Candidate Sucks
I know, I know. Hard to get bookings after November.

Not a problem. Time for Your Candidate Sucks World Tour '09!

response #213 by theredpen:

      Eat, Drink, Ann B. Davis n/t

response #238 by Deep13:

      F.O.M.
fat old men

response #247 by DarkTirade:

      That's brilliant.
That way when you have a reunion tour 20 years later, the name'll be self-descriptive! :)

response #273 by Deep13:

      I'm afraid it would be descriptive right now.
:evilfrown:

Much, much more...

The Lounge, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7349552

On a thread by BigBearJohn:

      * says world must take action against Iran "before it is too late."
"... In a speech described by the White House as the centerpiece of his eight-day trip to the Middle East, Bush tried to speak directly to the people of Iran as he urged nations to help the United States 'confront this danger before it is too late.'

'You have a right to live under a government that listens to your wishes, respects your talents and allows you to build better lives for your families,' Bush said to Iranians. 'Unfortunately, your government denies you these opportunities, and threatens the peace and stability of your neighbors. So we call on the regime in Tehran to heed your will, and to make itself accountable to you...'"

response #3 by SeattleGirl:

      By "too late", I think he means before he leaves the WH.
:grr:

response #5 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      He said this about ANOTHER GOVERNMENT?
"You have a right to live under a government that listens to your wishes, respects your talents and allows you to build better lives for your families. Unfortunately, your government denies you these opportunities, and threatens the peace and stability of your neighbors."

Projection the folks at Panavision would envy.

GD, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2676007

On a thread by KitchenWitch:

      Ralph Nader is on the ballot for TWO different parties in the CA Primary
:wow:

response #1 by ZombieNixon:

      So, he's going to be taking votes away from himself?
:shrug:

The Lounge, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7349877

On a thread by orleans:

      No smoking! Convicts go cold turkey
"The state's new indoor smoking ban is creating problems for thousands of smokers forced to quit cold turkey and face withdrawal in an unrelenting place: Prison.

On Jan. 1, Illinois joined 18 other states and made it illegal to light up in virtually every public place statewide. The ban applies to bars, restaurants, offices, and even the state's 28 prisons.

But unlike other public places, where smokers can step outside — at least 15 feet away from a building entrance, ventilation intake or an open window — inmates are out of luck..."

response #1 by NanceGreggs:

      Oh, this is going to turn out well ...
... about as well as the spreading of democracy in the Middle East.

response #10 by SoCalDem:

      The thought of that, might scare some people and keep them from committing a crime
:evilgrin:

It keeps me from flying... :) or taking a train :)

response #33 by sfexpat2000:

      That's exactly what I thought. I can never break the law now in IL.
So many places we have to stay out of -- bars, libraries, prison.

lol

response #29 by Philosoraptor:

      Let them smoke marijuana, it'll ease up on the irritability.

GD, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2677539

On a thread by Judi Lynn:

      Giuliani seeks prayers
"Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani kicked off a three-day campaign swing through Florida Sunday by asking churchgoers for their prayers.

'I'm not coming here to ask for your vote ... I'm asking you for your prayers,' the former New York mayor told a crowd of about 7,000 at a Hispanic evangelical church outside Miami, The Palm Beach Post reported.

Speaking in English with a Spanish translator at El Rey Jesus Church, Giuliani told congregants to 'fear not, be strong and of good courage.'

'That is the way to provide real leadership. That's what I've strived to do all my life,' he said..."

response #1 by Bicoastal:

      THIS JUST IN: Rudy Giuliani Realizes He Hasn't Got a Prayer...

...Film at 11.

response #7 by Johnny Noshoes:

      No
that should be film at 9:11 :evilgrin:

response #8 by DeeDeeNY:

      Makes sense
"Pray that nothing more surfaces about Bernie Kerik, or about how city funds were diverted so I could carry on an affair while Mayor of NYC. Pray that people don't learn about how the firefighters in NY hate me, or how their radios didn't work on 9/ll." Yes, there is a lot for people to pray for.

response #10 by Liberal Veteran:

      You all misunderstand....he means it literally.
He wants you to pray TO him.

LBN, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3137747

On a thread by elizm:

      ABC News picks up story of Hillary voter suppression tactics in Nevada..

response #8 by ronnykmarshall:

      That's kids stuff!
Just wait until I unleash Chi-Chi. My robotic pterodactyl. All of us voter suppressing Clinton supporters have one. Chi-Chi swoops down upon identified Obama and Edwards supporters and flies off into the Nevada desert and drops them into a volcano.

But you shan't worry, to avoid all that annoying screaming and thrashing around Chi-Chi provides in flight cocktails.

GDP, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4054112

Poll question by jgraz:

      Do you think Hillary rigged the Giants/Cowboys game?

:bluebox: Yes

:bluebox: No

:bluebox: Let's wait until Kucinich looks at the replay

response #3 by gateley:

      No but an unnamed source close to the campaign indicated her influence in Seahawks/Packers.
I'll NEVER vote for her now! :hi:

response #4 by IanDB1:

      Hillary bet on the Cowboys before she bet against them, but only because her bookie lied to her.
She thought The Cowboys has an offense of mass destruction.

At press time, "Yes" was winning with 66% of the votes.

GDP, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4056870

On a thread by Bennyboy:

      The SCRAPBOOK WORLD is awash in SCANDAL!
"Kristina Contes was known in crafting circles for her avant-garde designs, celebrating Converse sneakers and her hairless terrier, Chloe. But with one mistake, her world turned on her..."

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-scrapper12jan12,0,2864452,full.story

response #10 by FloridaJudy:

      Next: the depraved underbelly
..of extreme quilting.

"Cornered by the press in her squalid hideout, FloridaJudy confessed 'Yes, I fudged that appliqué - I used fray-check. But everybody deserves a second chance!' She shows little remorse for her unethical use of a banned substance. How many others have been lead down this twisted path by easy access to performance enhancing fabric supplies?"

response #13 by rug:

      Geez, you'd think she endorsed Hillary.

response #17 by NV Whino:

      This is just gonna knock Britney right off the front page.

response #22 by petronius:

      Wow - an all-day scrapbooking session
If Dante had known about that, the Inferno would have had a whole additional chapter...

response #23 by krispos42:

      I am worried about the Onion
The ridiculousness of life is starting to far outstrip imagination, satire, and fantasy.

They may have to go legit in order to keep sharp!

response #24 by IzaSparrow:

      "...the top scrapbooking scandal of 2007"
hahahaha. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! :spray:

response #35 by jakefrep:

      Which implies there was more than one scandal
What were the others? Improper glue? Tawdry borders?

:scared: :spray:

response #37 by mikeytherat:

      What??? You don't know about "Glitter-gate"???
:rofl:

response #39 by jakefrep:

      Shit...I thought that was in 2006
I didn't think it counted.

response #45 by meegbear:

      Another victim of steroids ...
damn you Testosterone-trans-4-n-butylcyclohexyl-carboxylate!

The Lounge, January 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7347786

Poll question by FlyingSquirrel:

      I only read threads:

:bluebox: That have a burning flame by them.

:bluebox: That make the Greatest Page.

:bluebox: THAT ARE IN ALL CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:bluebox: That contain some fucking profanity in the title.

:bluebox: That say they are OFFICIAL.

:bluebox: That are locked.

:bluebox: That agree with my opinions.

:bluebox: That dis on my candidate, so I can flame on the OP'er.

:bluebox: None of the above. (I'm special)

:bluebox: I don't vote in polls.

response #1 by FlyingSquirrel:

      Forgot to include: That aren't constantly kicked by the OP'er
:evilgrin:

At press time, "None of the above. (I'm special)" and "I don't vote in polls." were tied with 37% of the votes.

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2683581

On a thread by cynatnite:

      The following states bar atheists from public office!
Arkansas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Maryland...

response #5 by cynatnite:

      Atheists cannot testify in court in the state of Arkansas n/t

response #6 by O.M.B.inOhio:

      That's to protect them from bursting into flames upon contact with the Holy Bible.
But can Satanists testify?

response #9 by dwickham:

      only if the Bible is held upside down

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2677954

On a thread by JI7:

      Fred Thompson's Hotness Factor
more fun from http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1953271/posts

"... Fred Thompson has it all. He has conservative cred. He has experience. He can communicate. He gives journalists the respect they deserve.

But there's more. A president has to have a certain je ne sais quoi. Fred has it. He's middle American. He has the slight lilt. He comes across as real. He's likable. Guys can imagine going out for a beer with him. Girls dig him.

Now, that above assessment might bug you, but it's important, especially in the general election. Voters dig Alpha Males and so do certain bloggers. Can you imagine going for a beer with Romney, Huckabee, or Paul? No. How about Edwards, Clinton or Obama? Maybe Obama, but it'd be a martini or glass of wine, let's be real, here. Giuliani could have a good time at the bar, but aren't you just a little afraid he might go on a bender? Thompson would have a drink, talk sports, know the waitress's name and go home to his wife.

About women. I dig Thompson. He's not conventionally cute. Heck, none of the candidates are that great looking save Romney. Thompson has that easy talk, the relaxed authority that is fun to be around. He's the guy girls choose and the other dudes marvel..."

response #2 by Drunken Irishman:

      I think I'd rather fuck a cheese grater than to picture Thompson as "sexy".

response #6 by Kurovski:

      Anyone who's been in a major motion picture automatically becomes fuckable.
Particularly to the insane.

response #10 by Skittles:

      girls can dig him? I can dig him a grave
he looks like a f***ing corpse

response #21 by deacon:

      He's almost as much fun as watching a plumber fix a hot water heater. Not quite, but almost. n/t

response #25 by Sentinel Chicken:

      Just because everyone wants to sleep when Fred's in the room
doesn't mean they want to sleep with him.

The freeps are a sick bunch.

response #30 by peekaloo:

      Poster boy for Gen eX-Lax
a slow movement that's starting a run for the end.

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2678210

OP by mycritters2:

      I wandered into GD-P and got called a racist.
That'll teach me to stay out of the Clinton-Obama wars.

response #1 by MrCoffee:

      quit hating on whitey!

response #5 by mycritters2:

      It's what my church teaches.
I just got another e-mail telling me so!!

response #2 by DuStrange:

      I really think that would make a lovely t-shirt.
I wandered into GD-P and all I got was called racist.
And this lousy t-shirt.

response #11 by Skittles:

      you want I should kick their ass, critter?
I will you know

response #22 by ironflange:

      You didn't do it right
They didn't call you a Nazi racist. Try harder next time! :evilgrin:

response #23 by mycritters2:

      It was my first time. I'm sure my technique will improve. nt

response #25 by xchrom:

      oh i'm excited -- my first time -- HITLER!!!!
there -- now i'm not a virgin.

The Lounge, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7351619

On a thread by themartyred:

      Smurfs mark 50th birthday in Belgium
"The Smurfs — led by Papa Smurf and Smurfette — kicked off a year of 50th birthday celebrations Monday with Smurfberry cake and sasparilla juice.

The late cartoonist Pierre Culliford — best known by his pen name, 'Peyo' — first introduced the tiny blue figures in a comic strip in October 1958. He called them Schtroumpf; they became known worldwide as the Smurfs.

The Smurfs, forest dwellers who live in little white-capped mushroom homes, developed their own 'Smurf' language in which nouns and verbs were interchanged..."

response #1 by JHB:

      Smurfy!
All comments, no matter what the sentiment, boil down to "smurfy".

response #2 by Sam_Smith:

      Well, Smurf me! The smurfs are 50 smurfing years old.

response #3 by Warpy:

      Do you know why they call them Smurfs?
That's what they sound like when you run over them with a truck.

response #4 by Chovexani:

      What's your smurfin' problem?
Anti-Smurfism is downright smurfy.

response #5 by Javaman:

      Soylent Green is made of Smurfs!!!!
wait a second. Smurfs are blue...

Hmmmm, got to rethink this for a second...

Toilet Bowl tablets are made of Smurfs!!!!

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2680617

On a thread by ihavenobias:

      Which Republican Candidate Do You Want To Be President *The Least* (And Why)?

response #1 by Lasher:

      Which would you rather eat, chicken shit or dog shit?
Sorry, I guess you have a legitimate question but that's my reaction to it.

response #12 by impeachdubya:

      The guy who wants to start random wars and outlaw the birth control pill.
Oh, wait, that's pretty much all of 'em.

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2682280

On a thread by sabra:

      U.S. troops kill 60 in Iraq al Qaeda offensive

response #9 by Roy:

      The ONE bright spot about this war.....
Not one innocent male Iraqi above the age of 15 has been killed or reported killed.

The only innocents, women and infants, everyone else is Al Qaeda.

Talk about your smart bombs.

LBN, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3138705

On a thread by flpoljunkie:

      Photos: Reno, Nevada Turns Out for Barack Obama!

response #6 by DJ13:

      Crap, you had me worried!
I thought you meant Janet Reno!

:)

GDP, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4066370

On a thread by FlyingSquirrel:

      What's the difference between S. Carolina and N. Carolina?

response #4 by hootinholler:

      OPQR? n/t

response #5 by lonestarnot:

      5 letters.

response #10 by Catbird:

      Shape
South Carolina is a pleasing and compact roughly triangular shape.

North Carolina is too long and skinny.

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2685262

On a thread by socalover:

      Wikipedia says Hillary was a Republican! She supported Right Wing Extremist Goldwater!

response #10 by wlucinda:

      Welcome to our planet. I assume you just arrived.
Don't eat yellow snow.

response #67 by Bucky:

      It's GOLDWATERGATE!

GDP, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4069003

OP by The Straight Story:

      I liken our candidates to a fine smoke..... :)
I don't see these as negatives btw, just a little fun. Feel free to re-write as you see fit :)

Hillary is like a pack of smokes you buy at the store. Already rolled and packaged. Just open, light, and enjoy. Pre-made from a well oiled machine, and about $4 a pack here in CA ;)

Obama is like roll your own smokes. You get the tobacco, the tubes w/filters, and a machine to roll your own. You have more control over how much tobacco to put in, the type, etc and runs only about a $1/pack. Not as organized or easy, but still satisfies and at a lower price.

Edwards is like a cigar. Tightly rolled, all natural wrapper, and it takes a bigger flame to get him fully lit. A bit more expensive but also more aromatic. Comes in a smoky glass tube and does not seem to age much.

DK - is like a bowl of pot. A few puffs of him, and you feel all giddy. But you can't buy him cause they don't want him on the market.

Just thought a bit of levity was in order.

I'd take any one of our people over the goofy old party candidates any day of the week.

Sit back, have a smoke, and relax a spell.

Now on to comparing them to alcohol.....

response #12 by FORREST GRUMP:

      And John McCain is like a dog turd found in the yard,
hard to roll, hard to light, and when you do it drives everyone from the room.....

Yea, I know it was supposed to be our candidates but I live in Arizona. Can you blame me? :shrug:

response #17 by JBoy:

      Ron Paul is a Nicorette patch.

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2685187

OP by IndianaJones:

      Fellow minorities, post your race card.
I got a 5 of Clubs.

My mom is more "ethnic looking" and drew a Queen.

response #2 by maddiejoan:

      I drew an
Ace of Jews and have a pair of Queers.

response #16 by wellst0nev0ter:

      Ace of Spades
As in "black as an. . ." :)

response #20 by lionesspriyanka:

      brown.

response #21 by Buzz Clik:

      Brown? Brown!!???!!111 No wildcards in this game.
Hell, I'm brown sometimes (sort of a transition between sunburnt orange and lily white).

You can do better than that.

response #22 by lionesspriyanka:

      immigrant queer woman of color. do you have any idea how many prejudices i can cover
in one fell swoop?

anti immigrant/xenophoboa

homophobia

racism

sexism

:P

response #24 by Zynx:

      That would cover a lot.
Is that a royal flush of discrimination?

Congratulations on being strong.

response #33 by Buzz Clik:

      That's not a card, that's a straight flush. Um, no. Not straight, not a flush.
Full house?

Nice hand. :shrug:

GDP, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4062413

On a thread by Teh_Rabble_Rouser:

      Huge, silent UFO startles Texas town
"In this farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO.

Several dozen people — including a pilot, county constable and business owners — insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it.

'People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times,' said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. 'It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts...'”

response #5 by Jacobin:

      These people are no more evolved than Stone Age
homo sapiens, throwing rocks at a lunar eclipse because they thought a monster was eating it.

response #10 by jgraz:

      Evolved? No such thing.
Gawd greated them in his own image and likeness.

Apparently God is one stupid motherfucker.

response #73 by I work for workers:

      Let's be fair. Startled people fall back on their dumb preconceived ideas.
$10 says that if half the people here saw the UFO they would say "being a DU member, I assumed it was a Blackwater UFO sent by Cheney".

:evilgrin:

response #6 by rocknation:

      And NOBODY took a picture of course.

response #22 by IanDB1:

      Cameras steal your soul. n/t

response #7 by BushDespiser12:

      Bet they were looking to clear a lil Shrub
from the face of this planet...

response #81 by donkeyotay:

      He said he wanted to go to Mars. Maybe it was a taxi. nt

response #25 by xchrom:

      i startled a small texas town once.

response #26 by dicksteele:

      Silently and at high speed, I presume?
Seeing as how you're here to tell the tale and all!

response #28 by xchrom:

      i was fast and pretty, baby!

response #31 by momster:

      End Times + Space Ship?
What version of the Bible are they reading down there? Elijah's chariot isn't an End Times Story. I think they're a tad confused between the so-called Prophecies of Nostradamus and the Bible. Makes me wonder what/who they're worshiping on Sunday.

If you're ever down there and you meet a guy named Charles Dexter Ward... run!

response #48 by FORREST GRUMP:

      I seen an UFO once!
Yep, it was one "Ugly Fucking Okie" for sure.

response #55 by Texas Explorer:

      Darn, I missed it! I'll keep my eyes peeled and
I ALWAYS carry a camera with me so if it shows up over here in Cleburne, I'll get some snaps and video.

Anybody know what the police radio communications code for "I never saw nuttin' like it in muh ho life! It muss be one-a them thar Ewe Ef Os!" is?

response #76 by raccoon:

      Beings from Altair 4 bringing us regime change, I hope? nt

response #77 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      Huge? Bright lights? Elvis always was a flashy dresser.

response #89 by cynatnite:

      I still haven't picked a color for the car I'm getting from a raptured fundie n/t

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GD, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2683807

OP by Kurt_and_Hunter:

      Are you fucking crazy, or what?
I mean... are you serious? Jesus H. Christ! I've seen chickens with more sense. Why not put up a god damned tent and sell tickets? I mean, what the fuck? What are you, like twelve? Wipe your god-damned nose and go sit in the corner if you're going to act like that. I mean, Good Lord, have you ever thought for a minute in your LIFE? What-fucking-ever!

Whew... I think that about covers it.

response #3 by Bicoastal:

      I'm not fucking "crazy" right now...
...I'm fucking "some abandonment issues but mostly sane."

:evilgrin:
:evilgrin:
:evilgrin:

response #12 by FloridaJudy:

      Mom? Is that you????
:kick:

response #14 by K8-EEE:

      Amen!!
Glad you got that off my chest...

response #16 by Kurt_and_Hunter:

      Offered copyright free!

GDP, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4059149

OP by Bicoastal:

      Can anyone else see my posts? Or did I get tombstoned and not notice?
Testing...1....2....testing....

response #3 by PeaceNikki:

      I can't see your posts at all.

response #5 by SallyMander:

      Did someone say something?
:shrug:


:rofl:

response #8 by Xipe Totec:

      Has anybody seen Bicoastal?
There hasn't been a post in ages.

I wonder if I should check for tombstones? :shrug:

response #9 by struggle4progress:

      Nope. But I put EVERYBODY on ignore months and months ago to spare myself
the pain of reading the idiotic crap they all say

I find DU a helluva lot calmer and more sane with only one poster

response #12 by qnr:

      I don't know why I'm replying, I'm sure you can't see it... just like, apparently, no one
saw my last 25 posts.

The Lounge, January 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7353272

OP by redqueen:

      Ridley Scott IS an asshole
for misleading so many people about Deckard's status as a NON replicant.


I don't need to prove it. It's a prima facie thingamajig. Or something.

response #4 by DinoBoy:

      I'm going to say it and people will hate me: Bladerunner is a terrible movie
Horribly dated music and absurd dystopian feel and a plot that absolutely butchers the motivations of the characters in the novel on which it's based.

response #7 by redqueen:

      I don't hate you, I just think you're completely wrong.
:hi:

The Lounge, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7355267

On a thread by NightWatcher:

      My dead body is worth $4290, apparently
per the cadaver calculator

http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/cadaver

response #1 by MrCoffee:

      i'll give you $40 for it right now.
you can keep it until you die. then it's mine, and i get to do whatever i want to it.

response #2 by NightWatcher:

      if I cant do better on ebay, that's a deal
woo hoo, just nothing weird ok.

response #8 by LaraMN:

      $5575! I'm worth about ten times more than my minivan!
:bounce:

response #11 by rug:

      $3,580.00. I get more than that each year at the sperm bank.

response #22 by EstimatedProphet:

      You should find your children and force them to give you a cut
Make a sperm pyramid scheme. Maybe call it SpermWay or something.

response #26 by supernova:

      Why am I worth $100 less if I'm not fat?
I did it again and put in that I was slender rather than fat, just to see a difference.

It told me I'm worth 5975.

:wtf:

response #29 by LeftyMom:

      Skinny people make less soap. nt

response #32 by Hatchling:

      Martin Luther King Birthday Sale!
All bodies must go!

Some bodies discounted as much as 50% due to floor damage!

No interest payments until the body is actually dead!

Bodies in foreclosure will be auctioned at 10am. Current occupants will be evicted and you can take possesion as soon as the bank papers are signed.

The Lounge, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7355008

OP by Virginia Dare:

      When does old man Fred give up his pathetic "run" for the Presidency..
he's polling behind Ron Paul in Florida, talk about a fart in church.... :rofl:

response #1 by Atman:

      He probably forgot he's running.
He's the biggest jokes in a field of very bad jokes.

response #3 by gratuitous:

      Old Fred's not exactly "running"
More like "ambling" or "moseying."

response #19 by Hobarticus:

      More of a shuffle, actually...
With really bad posture.

GDP, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4071359

OP by TahitiNut:

      Aww what the hell. I'm having a brain fart so I'll start yet another thread. EVERYONE should!!
What the hell? Why join another thread and read anything? Why post where it doesn't stroke my awesome ego? After all, it'd only be REDUNDANT and REPETITIOUS! Just start another thread. Yippee! EVERYONE!

Start a thread!!

:puke:

response #20 by scarletwoman:

      Wow! I feel so inspired! *I'M* going to start a thread! It's what all the Kool Kids do, right?
I do hope you'll understand, once I start my OWN thread, I won't be coming back to yours. Because that might kick YOUR thread over mine. And that would just suck. I'll want MY thread to be on top. But that means you probably won't post on MY thread, because you'll want YOUR thread to stay on top.

So, I'll have to come up with a real kick-ass thread, so everyone will want to post on MY thread, and then YOUR thread will just sink down the page. HAHAHAHA!

Anyway, good luck with YOUR thread. You'll need it once I post MY thread.

Really. I mean it.

response #24 by TahitiNut:

      That's it! That's "discussion"!!! (Add the "ignore" function and we're really showing the world!)
:rofl:

response #36 by scarletwoman:

      I see what you're doing, TN. You're distracting me from starting my own thread.
There's no room for "discussion" here.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to think about what I want to "discuss" in the thread I'm going to start.

sw

(edited because TN made me forget how to construct a proper sentence -- DAMN YOU, TN!!!!!)

GD, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2694335

OP by rucky:

      Great idea, TahitiNut! n/t

response #7 by scarletwoman:

      Dammit! I didn't start MY thread yet!

GD, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2694559

OP by SalmonChantedEvening:

      A parody for the primaries.
Don’t You Dis My Candidate
(To the tune of I Just Want To Celebrate – Rare Earth)

Don’t you dis my candidate
On GDP or GD
Don’t you dis my candidate
Or mock me in the Lounge

I scan the topics and look for
Any mention of the name
And I pepper spray the thread
With avenging lead, all is flame

Listen cuz I’m telling you
Don’t you dis my candidate
On GDP or GD
Don’t you dis my candidate
Or mock me in the Lounge

Dontcha know that I’m infallible
Yes above reproach I stay
Aww c’mon it’s only kerosene
All is Dragonplay , or so I’m sellin you

Don’t you dis my candidate
On GDP or GD
Don’t you dis my candidate
Or mock me in the Lounge*

Godsdamitt, you will all bow down
Godsdammitt cuz I’m profound, I’m profound, I’m profound,
I’m profound, found

And it really bothers me zero
Who is hurt by what I say
Abusing is my line and it’s My Dime, so I’ll say

Am I repelling you?
Don’t you dis my candidate
On GDP or GD
Don’t you dis my candidate
Or mock me in the Lounge

(Repeat. Do percussion.)

*Do the vocal bridges in your head. There’s no reason I should be doing all the work here.

GD, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2691105

Poll question by dicksteele:

      If Hillary and Obama fought to the death with nail-studded ballbats, who would win?

:bluebox: Hillary Rodham Clinton

:bluebox: Barrack Hussein Obama

:bluebox: Humanity in general

response #5 by lapfog_1:

      Obama
I believe that he has longer arms than Hillary and, therefore, an advantage with nail studded baseball bats.

response #11 by ieoeja:

      Well that post is either ...
... SEXIST!!! Just because she is a woman you assume she isn't tough enough to take on a man with a nail studded baseball bats. I can not believe the misogyny on DU.

-or-

... RACIST!!! When it comes to violence you immediately assume the BLACK man knows everything there is to know about wielding a nail studded baseball bat. I can not believe I am seeing bigotry displayed so

openly here on DU.

-or-

... HOMOPHOBIC!!! This whole thing is clearly a veiled reference to beating gay men to death with a phallic baseball bat.

-or-

... :sarcasm: (because it is sadly necessary)

At press time, "Hillary Rodham Clinton" was winning with 45% of the votes.

GDP, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4074899

OP by hisownpetard:

      Huckabee: One part Elmer Gantry, One part Elmer Fudd
And a crazy bible-thumping gay-hating liberal-bashing Constitution-shredding lunatic underneath.
Regarding internatioanl policy, a would-be wolfowitz in sheep's clothing.

response #10 by PlanetBev:

      Petard, you just earned yourself another recommendation
Just for making me pee into my office chair.

Gantry/Fudd...it's all there. :rofl:

response #11 by hisownpetard:

      Great - I love anti-corporate urinations!
Thanks. :thumbsup: :hi:

response #12 by PlanetBev:

      Actually, I work for a non-corporate property developer
My boss absolutely, positively, hates corporations. I'm lucky in that way.

response #13 by hisownpetard:

      Well, then, I apologize for the chair.

response #14 by PlanetBev:

      All is forgiven
Since Moshe (the boss) is not a bean-counter, I can get me a brand new chair and pee in that one too!

Me thinks that in this election year, I may go through many a chair. :evilgrin:

GDP, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4073217

On a thread by IdesOfOctober:

      Did Abraham Lincoln have a 'machine' when he debated Douglas?

response #11 by Ravy:

      I thought you meant a teleprompter. Lincoln didn't have one of those... no, siree..
back in the day, we used to paint the words on horses and run 'em around in front of the candidates... we always painted the first horse pure white, so the candidates would know where the paragraphs started... and sometimes some of the stupider candidates would start their speech in the middle of a paragraph...it is where the term "dark horse" candidate came from, if I recall... yep...them were the days.

</geezer>

GD, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2695362

On a thread by The Straight Story:

      Former executive: Ads for male enhancement pill mostly bogus (Enzyte)
"... James Teegarden Jr., former vice president of operations at Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, said Tuesday that he and others at the company made up much of the content that appeared in Enzyte ads.

'So all this is a fiction?' U.S. District Court Judge S. Arthur Spiegel asked about some of the claims. 'That's correct, your honor,' Teegarden said.

Teegarden, who has pleaded guilty and is cooperating with prosecutors, said company employees created fictitious doctors to endorse the pills, fabricated a customer-satisfaction survey and made up numbers to back up claims about Enzyte's effectiveness..."

response #1 by shain from kane:

      Inflated claims. n/t

unnumbered response by dorkulon:

      Shocking! You mean pills can't grow my wang?
:sarcasm:

unnumbered response by The Straight Story:

      Nope - stretching it daily does help though
:)

response #17 by dorkulon:

      No it doesn't--trust me.
:thumbsup:

response #50 by CreekDog:

      Can you guys argue and demonstrate in some other forum?
:spray:

response #42 by Winterblues:

      Somebody should tell that to 90 percent of my e-mail
Sheesh...I keep sending them money and more money but they just won't stop... :silly:

response #3 by Orrex:

      Not true!
When a friend of mine heard this news, he flushed his remaining Enzyte pills down the toilet, and it quickly grew into a full-sized bathtub.

response #5 by Bunny:

      Who is surprised by this? Show of hands, please.
:eyes:

response #15 by Bigmack:

      Let's make that BOTH hands! nt

response #46 by GaYellowDawg:

      I'll bet that if you drew a Venn diagram...
of Enzyte users, drivers who put the testicles on their trucks, and Bush voters, you'd see so much overlap that you'd mistake it for a single circle.

response #68 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

      Wait... How Could It POSSIBLY Not Work? I Mean, Did You SEE The Smile On That Guy's Face?
This stuff's just GOTTA be real!

GD, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2697161

On a thread by raccoon:

      Canadians, Australians, Brits, are there as many batshit crazy religious nuts
in your respective countries as there are in the US?

response #8 by Oregonian:

      Why don't we set up another penal colony in Australia and ship the religious nuts there?
It could be in the center of the outback, miles from anyone, so the Aussies won't be bothered. The fundie nuts can subsist on rabbits that they catch, thus doing the Aussies a favor by decreasing the population of a non-indigenous species. The Aussies can charge us a kennel fee, and everyone's happy.

GD, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2697742

Poll question by Elspeth:

      Should the GOP get rid of their candidates and nominate an eggplant instead?

:bluebox: Yes

:bluebox: No

:bluebox: Why an eggplant and not a cabbage?

:bluebox: An eggplant would give the Spotted Owl a run for its money

:bluebox: The GOP is running candidates?

:bluebox: Other

response #1 by marmar:

      An eggplant that looks like Ronald Reagan.....
(It would already be about as equally lucid as Ronnie in his second term)

response #8 by Virginia Dare:

      The Virgin Mary Potato could be its running mate...

response #18 by Elspeth:

      Wow! And she'll last longer than the grilled cheese sandwich & energize the Idaho vote
:)

response #28 by underpants:

      Oh great, another Romney thread
:bounce: :rofl:

response #30 by krispos42:

      Oh, god no
An eggplant might split the vegetarian/vegan vote away from Democrats and suck up the independent vote, resulting in a Republican plurality win!

:rofl:

response #32 by mmonk:

      No, we don't want them to improve their chances.

response #44 by Tejanocrat:

      I don't think the Republicans will nominate a black skinned vegetable in my lifetime.

response #51 by ProgressiveFool:

      For the ultimate in long-lasting freshness, they should nominate a Twinkie
Those things will last through the Rapture/Apocalypse/Kingdom Come or whatever.

edit: after reading further in the thread, I have to agree that Mittens Romney actually probably is a Twinkie.

At press time, "The GOP is running candidates?" was winning with 46% of the votes.

GDP, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2698343

On a thread by napi21:

      11 o'clock news said "snow to cause change to life as we know it"!
I'm still falling out of my chair laughing at that one! Here in Ga. we had 3/4" or less of snow! It's really not cold eonugh to have it last much past 9AM!

response #2 by dorkulon:

      Southerners freak out when it snows.
The mildest dusting and they're all pulling over and updating their wills.

GD, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2701883

On a thread by zalinda:

      Edwards pics by Annie Leibovitz plus more

response #1 by IanDB1:

      No pictures of Edwards curled-up naked inside a flower? n/t

response #4 by pgh_dem:

      Funny, but you're thinking of Anne Geddes i think.
For this snark, you might want him naked curled up next to Yoko Ono.

response #6 by IanDB1:

      Always get those two confused.
One time, I tried to buy a house designed by Andrew Lloyd Weber.

It sounded good over the phone, though.

GDP, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4087473

On a thread by realFedUp:

      Sen. Obama's 129 Present Votes

response #1 by Teaser:

      I am scratching my ass right now
These Obama-Hilary wars are so important I just have to scratch myself.

GDP, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4095842

On a thread by David Zephyr:

      What Will Be the Overblown Attack on Obama Tomorrow With Fake Outrage?

response #1 by MannyGoldstein:

      Has Friends Who Are Thespians
And he, himself, is a known Homo Sapien.

These are things best kept in the bedroom, not the White House.

GDP, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4100494

On a thread by Horse with no Name:

      Escaping GDP. Does anyone have a quick and easy recipe for Chicken Fried Rice
I have minimal ingredients and don't really want to go to the store...so simple is very good.
Thanks in advance!

response #1 by Redstone:

      Three easy steps:
1) Go to phone book, and select a restaurant.

2) Order chicken fried rice.

3) Specify "for delivery" and supply your address.

Cooking & Baking Group, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x40715

On a thread by shance:

      I'm speechless. Have you heard this?
Harry Reid (the super rich corporateer) attacks Dennis Kucinich on Radio Show

response #34 by DemBones DemBones:

      Harry probably got that meme from DU.
DLCU.

GD, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2705633

On a thread by KeepItReal:

      Airliner crash lands at Heathrow
"An airport worker told the BBC the Boeing 777 pilot, named later as Peter Burkill, 43, said he had lost all power and had to glide the plane in to land.

All BA short-haul flights from Heathrow have been cancelled and others delayed.

BAA, the Heathrow operator, said it hoped to return to 'near normal operations' on Friday, but advised all passengers to contact their airlines for up-to-the-minute information.

The worker also said the pilot had told him all the electronics had also failed.

'He said he had no warning - it just went,' the worker added.

'It's a miracle. The man deserves a medal as big as a frying pan...'"

response #7 by Atman:

      That crazy nutty God...what a cut-up!
He takes a giant plane loaded with people and slams it into the ground nearly killing everyone, certainly scaring them close to death at least...then decides to let 'em all slide out onto the tarmac. "IT'S A MIRACLE!" Hmmm. That God guy sure finds interesting things to do with his spare time. Shouldn't he be smiting the war mongers or something productive. I bet his grade school report cards used to say "God is not living up to his potential."

response #13 by Mz Pip:

      Inappropriate use of spare time
Lack of focus on task at hand.

Leadership potential but wastes it on trivial matters.

LBN, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3143879

On a thread by the late cabraverde:

      question about ignore list

response #15 by muriel_volestrangler:

      Locking
We have helped the thread starter to become a better person - by removing their chance to disrupt this board.

The Lounge, January 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7344912

On a thread by the Occam Bandage:

      I can no longer in good faith support Barack Obama.

response #63 by wakemeupwhenitsover:

      I'm on a locking roll!
Mod voted least likely to lock has finely gotten the hang of it.

Could we please be done with Mercer?

best,
wakemeupwhenitsover

GDP, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4088086

This should have appeared last week, but this award category didn't exist then...

On a thread by Husb2Sparkly:

      Unfettered Republicanism ..... THAT is the problem

response #10 by Husb2Sparkly:

      When you consider ther totality of the effect of unfettered Republicanism, it becomes quickly clear
That they are INDEED the rot of almost all evil.

response #11 by blondeatlast:

      "...the rot of almost all evil." Don't correct that--the rot is the product,
and they are both the fertilizer and the product.

Maybe your typo was right on the mark.

response #12 by Husb2Sparkly:

      Hahaha
My hands suffer typist's rot :)

GD, January 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2657346

On a thread by goku2008:

      FLIP FLOOPING HIOLLARY CAUGHT ON TAPE

response #4 by Occam Bandage:

      I hate when candidates floop.

response #33 by robbedvoter:

      Floopen zie deutsch? La flupe est sur la table. Basta! Non me floopa piu!

response #20 by SaveOurDemocracy:

      Hey! Wasn't that Simon and Garfunkle??
Flip floopin awaaaay. Flip floopin awaaaaayyaayaaay, ya know the nearer my destination, the more I'm flip flooooopin away.


I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. :evilgrin:

response #23 by Occam Bandage:

      Just Paul Simon. Art Garfunkel flooped the band in 1971, and Simon
flooped "Flip flooping away" in floopteenfloopentyseven.

response #29 by SaveOurDemocracy:

      floopteenfloopentyseven.???
My, how time floops. :hi:

response #27 by dicksteele:

      Fill down on the flur, and started flooping like a fesh?

response #34 by Perry Logan:

      Ronald Reagan never flip-flooped. Now there was a President.

response #37 by NoPasaran:

      It ain't flipped til the fat lady floops

response #39 by redwitch:

      Flip flooping? Is that like bungee jumping?
What does Lee Mercer Jr. have to say about this?

response #46 by Heidi:

      Lee Mercer Jr.: "There is some concern about FLIP FLOOPING.
I know of U.S. government evidence that the FLIP FLOOPING is illegal and it can be solved through me representing the United States Government with an Anti-FLIP FLOOPING treaty. I know there are notations in my ROTC Biography of a guarantee from the HIOLLARY CLINTON campaign through me for peace to the war on FLIP FLOOPING and that Mrs. Clinton is innocent of her charges."

GDP, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4102792

On a thread by goku2008:

      hILLARY: PART OF THE REASON I VOTED FOR THE WAR WAS BECAUSE OF MY WHITEHOUSE EXPERIENCE

response #9 by bicentennial_baby:

      You're all in my house with CAPS LOCK, man...
:crazy:

response #17 by NoPasaran:

      To regulate our control of the caps lock is not a flip floop

response #16 by Marrah_G:

      Okay this has to be a satirical post by someone immitating a troll right?
Okay someone fess up!

response #18 by hisownpetard:

      Typo! Didn't you mean to type "TROOL"?

GDP, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4102876

On a thread by goku2008:

      nh primary errors found

response #38 by maddiejoan:

      I see
so somehow the votes got flooped?

GDP, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4103354