Long Time Gone

I've spent the last few months in a bubble, carved from real life by chronic pain and what might only be described as both mild depression and frustration. I've wandered by DU (it's still my home-page, after all) from time to time, but after writing my eighth novel in only 5 weeks, I hit a burnout spot and just spun my wheels, dedicating much of my free time to playing a computer game just to take me out of my head.

The primary wars left me with a bad taste in my mouth and I got to the point that I didn't really care which Democrat won the nomination. The bullshit goes on as we all can plainly see, and I reached the point where I decided there was nothing positive I could add to the dialog.

Having spent so much time doing other things and exploring different parts of the web, I've come to the conclusion that there are RW nitwit trolls just about everywhere on the web...be it on youtube commenting on Dixie Chick videos or yapping like our twenty-five pound pomeranian devil if someone dares to walk past our front gate. Many of these are barely literate, but there unfortunately exists a sizable minority of Republicans who aren't barely literate, and seem to have some grasp of the concept of logic. Unfortunately, they're all barking mad.

I've had friends at parties deliberately still political discussion and heard the most ridiculous arguments from people who damn well should know better. It's come to the point that while I hope that America has learned its lessons about authority, I fear that too many of our fellow citizens are too far gone to reclaim. The terminally ignorant, the criminally insane, and the morbidly apathetic, all take their toll upon the possibility of a better world.

Gas prices are going to be approaching four bucks a gallon, which is going to make it rather unlikely I get to see my sons this year, especially since they've now moved even FARTHER away than they had been, since their mother decided to move to a small town in Idaho.

This has not been a good year for me all the way around. I've been through so many tests and seen so many doctors that I flinch from the idea of another test. The left side of my body has gone wonky and no one really knows why, though my doctor is almost certain it has to do with my neck. He's sending me to another neuro-surgeon, and arranging another MRI to check out my shoulder--where the pain seems to be concentrating before heading down my arms, chest, hip, and leg.

It's been hard to keep a positive view, all things considered, but I seem to be congenitally incapable of being a pessimist. Everything will work out as it's supposed to, some of my pagan friends might say. I don't know about that...all I know is that everything will work out in whatever way it can. The only way I know to bend reality is to charge forward, grab it by the corners, and give it a good shake. All the dreaming in the world doesn't make anything happen without someone willing to jump into the maelstrom and do a little reality engineering with good old fashioned hard work and determination.

I guess I'm saying that nothing is ever completely hopeless and the moment you lose hope you lose everything you have to propel you forward.

I see commercials on TV (when I bother to watch them) featuring high profile Repugs and high profile Dems talking about Global Warming. Wal-Mart is pretending to be green. So is Exxon/Mobil of all things. We've come quite a ways from "what Global Warming?" to people like Newt standing with Nancy Pelosi telling us all that it's FOR REAL.

The stupidity of Republican economic policies are starting to hit home in a big way, though it's a good bet that a great many people don't see the connection between their food and gas prices and the sphere of politics. They tend to think "ah, politics doesn't have anything to do with ME."

Insane, but true. Every single aspect of our lives is influenced by politics--from our education to our retirement--yet people persist on looking the other way. The corporate media is as useless as teats on a toad and it's entirely possible to learn more on fictional programs like Boston Legal than it is from mainstream sources. Now if that isn't a statement to freeze one's soul, I don't know what is.

I just popped in to let everyone know I'm not dead...merely surviving. And to suggest none of us give up the fight, even if it feels as though we're tilting with windmills, blockaded by fences and other obstacles put in place by the very agencies that are supposed to be giving us the truth.

There is no end until nothing remains.

In the meantime...

although not all take them. Glad to hear you have ;-)
peace

everyone take care now

:hug: and there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it may be a bit farther than we think.

You may wish to google "chi massage" (or "qi massage") The self-massage may help. My husband also has a mysterious illness--tiring and pain in the muscles after about 5-10 minutes. They've ruled out neuro-muscular problems, so he went to a Doctor of Chinese Medicine who diagnosed no source qi. He's been taking the herbs this doctor prescribed and has had symptom relief with no side effects, which is better than Western medicine has been able to do. You may wish to check this route.

I'm seeing him, a chiropractor, and getting regular therapeutic massages, plus all the other places he's sent me. Neurologist (we were starting to wonder if it was MS, but my brain scans came out clean), and one neuro-surgeon--though he's going to send me to another for a second opinion. I sure know about the pain and weakness. My insurance company keeps asking--are you sure this isn't a result of a car accident or work injury? My response is that I wish it was--then I'd know something about the cause.

is asking you those questions, not because they're interested in the cause as it pertains to your health, but so that they could, possibly, fob off your costs to another carrier - workers' comp, another insurance company.

Hang in there. I was misdiagnosed for a long time until someone noticed on an x-ray that I had some broken bones no one had noticed, in spite of my unrelenting pain.

It'll be all right.

I know their reasoning. Still pisses me off to keep having to answer the same question.

I've missed your posts, but completely understand that sometimes, you just have to get away, particularly if you're dealing with the kinds of problems you are.

:hug:

:(

I hope you find out the cause asap and are on the mend soon!

Yup... and nothing has changed..... SNAFU !! :P

wonder about you and was contemplating sending you an IM. Sorry you're in so much pain and I hope your next visit to the doctor will bring you some relief.

Don't worry about us, we have our food fights but we're ok. You worry about you and get better and we'll save your spot until you're ready to continue delivering your excellent essays.

That you can remain so positive while in such pain gives all of us hope.

Hugs!

A novel in five weeks, wow.

creative thought for nearly three months afterward. My wife said "lot a good it does you to be able to write a book that quickly if you can't follow up on it...you're still looking at a book every 9 months or so." LOL

True enough.

I really need to get around to implementing her edits and flushing it out for submission. And contacting an agent to see if I can take this one uptown.

Chronic pain can and does cause depression. I've been through it myself due to an accident and subsequent neck surgeries. Sometimes it's all you can do to get out of bed and keep plugging along, but plug along we must.

Ask your neuro if he knows anything about Syringomyelia and have him check your MRIs from your neck down for a syrinx... some radiologists don't even recognize them...

Hope ya get back to 100% soon...

PEACE!

Ghost

He doesn't blink at giving me what I need for pain management, he listens to what I have to say, and seems as dedicated to getting to the bottom of it as I am. Right now we're just going through whatever tests might lead us to some sort of resolution.

Check in when you can.... :hi: