After 6+ years at DU, I've met exactly one other CoLaG. Are you there?

I'm posting this as a poll so that folks don't feel uncomfortable about revealing too much about themselves.

Okay, so after many years here, I've met exactly one other CoLaG (Child/ren of Lesbians and Gays).

One.

And that conversation took place as a group on DU essentially shouted down that poster for not having a 'real' understanding of GLBTQ life, because she was heterosexual (never mind that she lived discrimination and inequity as a matter of course as a child).

There are millions of us, but we have no voice--we're essentially anecdotal. Not really accepted as part of the GLBTQ community, and not fully part of the straight mainstream, either. I'm a real person, though. I'm proud of my lesbian moms. There must be more of us here.

Anyone else? Am I really that unusual?

I hope to have kids one day. I accept that you are a part of the community and when I have kids I hope they are as accepting as you.

And thanks for acknowledging me as part of your community--it's a weird position to be in sometimes. I'm both, but neither.

When you have kids, they'll have their own challenges, but they'll love you. 'Accepting' is a given--family is family. It doesn't hurt that my moms are supercool (in a mid-60s, Unitarian-Universalist kind of way) though.

One his biological father...the other his partner.

They met in Vietnam. Both ground pounders. There's a picture of them on their mantle of them in theater...arm and arm.

They're also biracial.

I've known my friend since we were 12. We are now 35. Every few years I go over to his parents house and we sit and bullshit. Great guys. Were just always a part of my life...they consider me...and I consider them...family.

My friend is straight btw.

That's got to be very hard, to find a partner in war.

It's great that you understand that family is family, and that we don't all have to come from the same kind of environment. Different is okay.

Thanks for your response.

Good to see that you have such a special relationship with them.

who was raised by two moms. They weren't out, but it was as obvious as day that they were both lesbians. One was his biological relative, I think an aunt, and the other was known as his "Aunt" Chris.

But people pretty much can't be gay in Montana, not really. They can appear gay and people will just be blissfully dumb about it on purpose, but if somebody is "Out" they risk some backward idiot beating them up or something. Even women in MT will beat up a gay woman. Most people are good people, but you always get some really intolerant people here and there. Like I said, it's best to pretend to be blissfully ignorant about somebody's pretty obvious sexual orientation.

I used to be a little homophobic. Being gay back home is a negative thing, in so that you're taught it's bad. One of our neighbors had a gay son, he just disowned him. I never even knew he had another son. I lived next to them 24 years of my life and I never met his son or even heard his name mentioned or heard of him even coming to visit once. I just know the story because the father told my parents about it once. But, it's education really. I don't mean having a degree or anything, I mean life education. I was always a bit homophobic, I was tolerant because I'm a pretty nice guy, but I was definitely somewhat homophobic, then I moved to Seattle to attend video school and one of my friend's roommates was gay. He wasn't your stereotypical flamer or anything either. I had met a few gay people and seen them at clubs etc before that, but he was the first gay friend I ever had. He was a nice guy too. When he came out to us, I had already known him a few months and was friends with him already. I didn't even think twice about it, nothing changed. He was my friend before so why wouldn't he still be my friend?

Like I said, education. If 90 percent of the homophobes out there ever met a gay person and took the time to talk to them they wouldn't be homophobic anymore. It's similar to race. It's easy to dehumanize someone if you don't know them and are threatened in some way by them or the stereotype of them. It's not so easy to hate and dehumanize somebody who you personally know and have found to be a good person. Sure, there will always be a fringe of racists or homophobes etc, but, for the most part, people can be changed if they make an effort to learn and accept people as people. Trust me, if a religious farm hick from an Indian reservation can do it, almost anybody can. Bigotry is a learned behavior and can be unlearned. Just like racism or to go even further, sexism.

about how similar the New England experience is to the MT experience. (Okay, not the 'beating up' part, but otherwise, you're mostly dead on.)

I grew up in a heavily Catholic area, and GLBTQ people were simply ignored. My family did not exist, even for people who'd been friendly before they knew about my family. I don't know that 'education' would have been enough to help them accept differences; they really hated us.

It's kind of strange that people hate and dehumanize kids of LGBTQ families, though--I mean, what did I ever do to them?

you're not going to get somebody willing to learn to accept the differences anyway. It could be done, in many cases, but some people probably wouldn't be willing to try it. Maybe if they had to, like if a son came out to them and they didn't disown their son outright. It's also kind of like how Republicans deal with things. Like if a Republican has a son who committed suicide like Gordon Smith, they are more willing to support mental health legislation. Or like George Will, he has a mentally-handicapped child, so he supports legislation that is pertinent to the topic. Or like Nancy Reagan is in favor of stem cell research because she saw her husband suffer from a disease that SC research could one day help. Sometimes people have to be hit head on with something for them to face it. So yeah, I doubt many people would be open to even trying to accept LGBTQ people in the first place. Not unless they somehow had to, like say Dick Cheney and his family have had to do.

It is strange. You never did a thing to them, that's what's so frustrating. People are so freaked out by differences that they react in nonsensical, and often hateful, ways.

I know a boy who is 18, who has been raised by his gay grandfather. I only found out he is gay because the kid mentioned it one day in passing, not like it was any big deal. All his friends know, hang out at his house, and think nothing of it. Great to see.

It came up because this kid is joining the Marines. He was joking about how, if he hated it, he could always claim he was gay. He figured he could pass for gay, having been around a gay man his whole life; lol!

Sounds like the grandson is well-adjusted and okay with his family.

Marines, though--wow! That's a big decision. Best of luck to him.

I hope all goes well.

This kid has no clue what he is getting himself into. His motives are so pure, I hate to think who he will become when he is faced with the reality.

One of my kids is a TG married father of of a happy healthy child. My last employers were a lesbian couple with a teen kid and the usual strife but all were doing well as far as I could determine.

But your appeal to be a part of that justice movement is valid, and you should work to make it happen. Several years ago, the parents and friends formed PFLAG, and there should certainly be an organized voice for those who have had your experience to counter the hate groups.

but it seems to have drifted apart. Kind of a shame.

I can't think of a more natural group of allies, but we just haven't gotten it together yet.

Damn, I'm getting old. :)

Huh, judging by the poll results, your experience is not uncommon.

:hi:

At the end of the brilliant film, the television shows Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire on the screen taking a letter from one of her viewers:

------

"Dear Mrs. Doubtfire, Two months ago my mom and dad decided to separate. Now they live in different houses. My brother Andrew says that we aren't a real family any more. Is this true? Did I lose my family? Is there anything I could do to get my parents back together? Sincerely, Katie McCormick.”

“Oh, my dear Katie. You know, some parents get along much better when they don't live together. They don't fight all the time and they can become better people. Much better mommies and daddies for you. And sometimes they get back together. And sometimes they don't, dear. And if they don't, don't blame yourself. Just because they don't love each other doesn't mean that they don't love you.

“There are all sorts of different families, Katie. Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families. Some children live with their uncle or aunt. Some live with their grandparents, and some children live with foster parents. Some live in separate homes and neighborhoods in different areas of the country. They may not see each other for days, weeks, months or even years at a time. But if there's love, dear, those are the ties that bind. And you'll have a family in your heart forever. All my love to you, poppet. You're going to be all right. Bye-bye.”

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Believe me, tofunut, you are far more than just "anecdotal." And you are far more than just a "real person". You are a unique, special person who is a gift to all you meet. And I was touched by how you write that you are proud of your lesbian moms. All the bests to you, DZ

David, I read your post before I left for work this morning, and it buoyed me all day long.

Thanks so much for your kindness and your faith in me.

I'm really just speechless.

Most adults I know don't talk much about parents, except in generalities or else I am just clueless which is a possibility too.

Most adults probably don't talk about their parents all that much in general, you're right.

Hey, are you looking forward to the big (okay, two-day) heat wave coming up?

That's me. However, I did notice it warmed up this afternoon, is still warmer this eve than yesterday. ANY little bit will help but I am in envy of you who do not live in the Olympic Rain Shadow, aka brrr.

as I sit in a cubicle amid the lovely blacktop of downtown, sweltering.

Maybe I should set up camp at the local Safeway.

Hope you stay cool over there.

My best friend's mother is a lesbian (tho she was married till she came out when my friend was a teen).

AND I know several gay couples who are raising kids.

Sorry I couldn't craft the poll for a better range of responses!

Thanks!

of course. Doesn't precisely fit your poll, but I see what you're asking. :D

That is one big fat zero staring back at me.

:)

:D

my second best friend was biracial with a White Mom.

When I was in elementary school, one of my best friends had two Moms.

I grew up with non-trad families. It's totally normal to me. :)

On edit: I'm 31.

I worked at a local elementary school for two years and there were several kids with same-sex parents. I wonder why you found yourself among nontraditional families as a kid--that doesn't seem to be typical.

We're a tad more non-trad than most places, in many ways. :)

Plus, after 2nd grade, I went to a non-trad private elementary school, which also was a factor.

My parents were so awesome, never instilled any prejudices in me, and for that I am thankful.

And when I was about 14, I realized that I was Bi, and I was a founding member of my boarding school's GSA, which is still going strong 16 years later. :D

0%?

Aw.