Luring Children To God

Representatives of a local Christian church tried to lure a seventh-grader at Russell Middle School into a church van last week, school district officials said.

As a result, the principal sent students home with a letter to parents asking that they instruct their children not to talk to strangers, and the district has beefed up security around the property at 3825 E. Montebello Drive.

The letter to parents did not identify the church, and the district - acting on the advice of its attorney - has declined to name it. But sources told The Gazette that it was Cornerstone Baptist Church, which is about 2.5 miles from the school and has gotten into trouble in the past for baptizing children without parents' permission...

A few weeks ago, officials at the school met with the church's leader to complain about members coming on school property to preach the Bible, Naleski said. But rather than stop, church members started proselytizing from public sidewalks outside the school.

http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_12286425

Luring kids into a van? Baptizing kids without parents' permission? They are not getting enough oxygen!

Isn't this the exact fucking behavior that we're supposed to be terrified of from Teh Gayz?

n/t

The attorney for the school may advise against stating the name of the church to the public; but should advise that it IS the school's legal duty to report possible crimes against children to the proper authorities. Whatever one thinks of proselytizing, luring a child into a van (or into a building for "baptism") is a dangerous, and criminal, act.

Drive-by baptisms?

How the fuck does that even work? They drive up, grab a kid under the arms, dunk his head in some water, say a couple prayers, then drop him back on the sidewalk and say "Ha ha! You're baptized now!"?

Lots of denominations sprinkle rather than dunk.

They could baptize with a squirt gun from an open car window.

Monte Python, of course, no longer exists. But somebody should do it.

Drive by, squirt them, and say "I baptize you in the name of <Satan/Communism/FDR/Chavez/Dawkins/whatever>", film their reactions for YouTubing.

For added fun, color the water so they wonder what's in it.

Which reminds me of an exchange from Two and a Half Men...

Jake: "I was framed for that squirt gun incident."

Alan: "But that was your squirt gun..."

Jake: "But it wasn't my pee!"

The Super Soaker Quick Blast is a pump-action water blaster that delivers a powerful burst of water. Blaster has large 32oz capacity and comes with quick fill cap for easy refills. Blasts up to 30 feet.

You wouldn't even have to get near them. Drench them in the Name of the Lord.

it should be illegal to expose those under the age of 18 to religion.