Today I told a friend a friend she may be a drug abuser.

Not an easy thing to do, or pleasant. But you see, I have some experience in this area, and if I've learned ANYTHING over the years it's this: IF YOU KNOW IT, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM.

As I've talked about here more than once before, I'm an alcoholic. Back in my 20s I tried very hard to drink myself to death. However, at the time I didn't realize it, nor did so much as one single person bother to confront me with it. The fact that I eventually did realize it and manage to quit drinking on my own isn't important. The fact that NOBODY STEPPED UP AND TOLD ME WHAT I WAS DOING is.

And that's not my only close-up experience with such things, either. You see, during my early 20s I was living with an addict. I had to sit there and watch her inject herself then nod off. I watched her take pills. I was in the passenger seat while she drove while blitzed out of her head. And I was the one they had to call when she had a T-bone collision with a car that had an elderly man an woman in it. Even worse, the young lady I had a secret crush on was a passenger in the addict's car. I was the one who had to stand there holding her hand while they picked the glass from her skin. And I was the one who had to tell her that her 2 year old son had been medevaced to Cincinnatti to try to save his live (they succeeded).

This addict was my mother. So even if I HAD tried to say anything to her it would have been ignored. Or so I told myself then. You see, the drugs she was getting wacked on were being supplied to her by her doctor.

Fast forward to today.

This girl needs pain relief. There's no doubt about that- she has crippling arthritis throughout her body, and has also had a recent series of surgeries that have left her in pain. But the problem with that is, her pain doctor is prescribing what I (in my non-medical expert opinion) believe to be vast overkill. Among the pharmaceutical delights she has at her fingertips is everything from hydrocodone to methadone and on. They make what they call a cancer lollipop- anyone who has seen a dying cancer patient knows what and how devestatingly powerful they are. They're for the break-out pain terminal patients suffer from. They're for the point where addiction isn't relevant because it's the only thing keeping the patient even a little insulated from the agony. This girl sucks on 'em like they're candy.

So today I bought her lunch, sat her down and described her symptoms to her. Some of them are:

-A total loss of the sense of time.
-A serious deficit of short-term memory.
-Slurring of the speech.
-Inability to converse without forgetting what you're talking about.
-Crashing into the rear of another family's car.

Yep. History repeats itself. This time nobody was hurt, but that was sheer dumb luck. My stomach is still in knots just from the flashbacks. (I don't believe I mentioned that in my mother's wreck, the old lady in the other car died.)

My friend listened to me today. She accepted it. She was glad I told her. She understood why I did what I did and said what I said. She now plans to call her doctor to discuss her medications. I helped her take a step today that may end up saving her life.

I hope.

If you know someone on drugs. TELL THEM. If you know a drunk who doesn't seem to realize it, TELL THEM. Don't turn your head. Don't walk away. Don't pretend it's funny. Don't ignore it. Don't trust that someone else will do the job, because they won't.

IT'S UP TO YOU.

I should have drunk myself to death all those years ago. It's a miracle I didn't. Nobody told me what I was doing to myself. Not a single person cared enough to look me in the eye and say the words. Not one person tried to help me.

I should have died. Perhaps this is why I didn't.

Do YOU care enough to help when it's YOUR turn?

My mom took my grandma's meds away.

She was on morphine and methadone for arthritis, plus ambien for sleep problems and LITERALLY 10 other meds a day for everything ranging from bladder control to stomach problems to thyroid to you name it. Not to mention the fact that she drinks like a fish.

She was so out of it she didn't know what year it was or what was going on. She basically got kicked out of her retirement home because she kept blacking out and passing out. She was so loaded she didn't even know she was an addict or that she had a problem at all, she thought it was everyone else with the problem. She was here for a month and she would wander around in the middle of the night saying the ODDEST things. The worst part is that she was so high she didn't even know what her meds were for, and she didn't remember if she'd taken them or not. We took her to the neurologist to test her for dementia, she was that bad.

Now she's clean of all that and totally lucid. :)

You may be a lifesaver. :pals:

I ask, because I might have said the same thing. My situation wasn't completely similar to yours, except that I was self destructive if only for a short time. No one sat me down therapeutically, like you did, and gave me the news. What did happen was that a couple of people told me I was a mess, and I got fired from my job, and someone here or there might have said something that I didn't consider to be serious criticism coming from people I saw as doing the same things I was doing. The bottom line, in hindsight, is that I was really bad at it. Fortunately, I had health insurance and could make the grand gesture of going to rehab. That and ten years of experimentation afterwards got me to the point I am at now, where I don't actually enjoy altering my consciousness. I'm the kind of ex-abuser that pisses everyone off: I can do it but I no longer enjoy it.

I have a friend who refuses to accept that his marijuana use is catching up with him. he has memory loss. He gets stupid. I know when he's stoned because I can hear it on the phone. I've told him. His partner has told him- but he's a classic self-centered person. Get this; "You hypocrite. Have another cigarette. You and 'Paul' don't like it when I'm high because I won't put up with your shit."

I was the token drunk at the factory where I worked. It was funny to the others, I guess.

Fuck 'em. I recovered without 'em. :shrug:

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growing, smoking etc. that they do not get up off the couch? I smoke grass, but I really do try to make sure that psychological addiction does not develop to the point where I will choose to go get high instead of spending time with my kid. Up to this point I just spend time with my kid whether or not I am stoned, I still take her out hiking and the like. I would hate to become the kind of dad that would hit the bong and then turn on the tv and veg out instead of going biking with my daughter.

THANK YOU!

I guess you've never known an addict, right? OR OR OR

It is much more difficult than you think.

I'm almost 54 now, and I'm far from naive about such things. I realize she may not even recall our conversation tomorrow. If she doesn't, I'll simply do it again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

If not you, who? If not now, when?

and a wonderful friend

The fine line between daily use and addiction. If you are not having negative effects and are not sacrificing family duties for even daily drug use then I think it is not addiction and no intervention is needed, but when people are wrecking cars, forgetting important things etc. then family or friends should be there to say something. Perhaps it is not the cannabis the other posters friend is talking about, could it be onset of Alzheimer's?

You can just talk to them, and keep talking to them, in a friendly way. You don't have to be accusatory or critical or put them down, in fact that's essential. These issues are difficult to deal with, people can use friendly support, it's good to have other people to talk to and other things to do.

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Your hatefulness is not a flattering trait.

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when people are not forced by the courts they work even better because once people decide to stop and cannot do it alone they need some kind of help structure in place. I agree that government health insurance should make reahb, like all heath care, free to the sick and paid for by taxes.

I'm sitting here thinking about how I'm going to try to talk to a dear friend once again tomorrow about his drinking problem. He also happens to be my boss.

He has no idea how my co-worker and I get sick the night before going in to work...not knowing if he will be drunk or sober, functioning or completely in the ozone. We get sick to the point of almost throwing up.

I know he has underlying depression and is self-medicating with the "bottle". Why is it more socially acceptable to have heart disease, or diabetes, or arthritis? I don't understand.

Life is too short to live in misery, particularly when there is good help available. I pray (and that is not something I do often) that he will seek out that help.

If he only knew how much people love him, if he could only see that with sober, clear eyes.


Thank you. You have reinforced my resolve.

An intervention with more than one person present may be called for, but you'd know better than I. Good luck if you decide to give it a go. To BOTH of you.

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Back off. My dad died of cirrhosis. I know what I am talking about.

Go agitate someone else, Leftist Agitator. Your name certainly does suit you. Your comments were completely inappropriate.

if they really were leftist they would care about the well being of humans

Kind and generous, brilliantly talented, hard-working by nature, funny. Chris should have "had it all".

People who think like you helped him to lose it all; home, family, career.......right down to losing all his toes when he spent one too many January nights in Chicago on the streets.

I wonder if, when they have occasion to remember Chris now, all those friends, co-workers and family members who said nothing and did nothing, who not only refused to help me to get him to accept help because what he was clearly doing to himself "was his life, none of their business" , but sabotaged those efforts.......I wonder if they're all proud of how they "left the guy the fuck alone".

Because that's how he died, needlessly and penniless at the age of 51. Alone.

voicing their concern for the well being of another human being? Are people telling you similar things? Do you not want to hear them because you are afraid that you have an addiction? I am pretty sure I am psycholgically addicted to grass and the internet so I watch out and listen if people tell me I am spending too much time high or on the net.

many a pain patients quality of life would be extremely dismal.

Not all pain patients are the same.

A lot of people don't understand how rough chronic pain can be. For some it's the only way they can function at all. Taking it away could be like putting a loaded gun in her hand. But, regardless, she shouldn't be driving.

I'm also an arthritic, and I also take some pain meds for it. I know that to suggest someone throw everything in their medicine cabinet away is ludicrous. I simply told her she needed to let her doctors know what was happening in hopes they could adjust things.

I've known her for a good many years, so I have been able to watch her personality changing in front of my eyes. It's not a pretty thing to watch someone disintegrating day by day. The stuff she's on now is now demanding she pay the price. It's a price very few people could afford to pay.

long enough to not be able to go without them. I'm prescribed 4 tablets per day and am up to 3.5 per day taken on average. My life would really suck without the pain meds is what I know for sure

if you take pain meds, you must be high all the time. If you have pain, the meds work on the pain...that's it, unless they are abusing or there's a good possibility she's on the wrong pain med regime.

This poor woman may need her meds tweeked. There are many powerful pain meds that some people can't tolerate. Like me - I can't tolerate any of the timed released drugs. One night years ago, I thought I was gonna die on the patch. Not only did the new RX's make me throw up violently, they didn't work and I too slurred my words, looked terrible.

I often worry that the RX I take may no longer be made, because the new drugs are supposed to be more effective. Each person is different, I thank Gawd my doctors listened to me and stopped experimenting on me and gave me what works for me.

If someone tried to pull an intervention on me, I'd go through the roof.

Chronic pain's a beast. If it's severe,your friend isn't left with a lot of options. She shouldn't be driving, though.

I was measuring the long term effect of some very powerful, extremely addictive drugs on her personality. I've known her for years, and I've watched her change in front of me.

I tried it with someone I lived with but he denied he had a drinking problem. After he broke my clavicle I moved out.

I have tried to talk with my niece about her abuse with alcohol, it never had an impact on her. She is bi-polar and refuses any help and has tried several times to commit suicide. It hasn't worked no matter what anyone says or does to try and intervene. She continues to drink.

I also tried with a friend who was shooting up meth, he also refused any help until he was left homeless. We took him in and he stole from us. He eventually got cleaned up but he still remained a self centered jerk taking advantage of our friendship. I no longer have anything to do with him.


I wish you better luck.

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Horrible, crippling, life-threatening diseases that impact not only the person who is ill, but all their loved ones.

Get an education about it before you come on here swearing at the rest of us who have lived through this hell.

In my opinion, it is extremely judgmental people who have the "personal failings".

You don't even know me to scream shit at me. The "methhead" was a friend way before he became a "methhead" and we had discussions about shooting up and he told me how afraid he was of needles. Then some of his new friends talked him into shooting up. I NEVER lectured him about his substance abuse, he came to US for help, we tried to help him, but he decided he really didn't want to be helped. It wasn't my idea to let him stay here, it was our roommates idea because he loved him. After he stole from us he wasn't allowed back into our home.

And it was my sister who cried and pleaded with her daughter to quit drinking, especially after having to go to the hospital after my nieces repeated suicide attempts.

my grandfather had a sit down with me about cannabis use and I started my response with "I know you are having this conversation because you care about me and then I went on to point out that other than the illegality I did not have problems with working, studies, or family realationships and that I had quit alcohol because I started having problems and when I said I think I have no real problems related to grass, but that I could be wrong about it not causing cancer he agreed that I seemed to have my shit together and dropped the conversation. I was not at all angry because he did not spit dogma, he simply had a give and take conversation with me.

There is no downside to offering to help or to suggesting that they have a problem, unless one has expectations that it will definitely make a difference.

We don't know that it helps, but we don't know that it doesn't and if enough people reach out compassionately to those suffering, maybe some of them will want to be helped sooner.

:donut:

That's the heart of what I'm saying. You TRIED, dammit.

You did good.

Hope your clavicle healed okay... :evilgrin:

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Would you say that to someone's face, or does the anonymity of the internet allow you to wish death on someone without getting punched in the face?

i thought we were against survival of the fittest on the left.

Why would you say something that vengeful?

I wonder how you could be happy with yourself right now.

Please find another outlet for your anger.

covering for people afflicted by their drugs of choice?

The whole concept of the OP is that people too often stay out of it.

All of the drugs mentioned are often abused, the poster telling us to stay out of it is an enabler and almost certainly has a substance abuse problem, the defensiveness is a classic indicator.

:patriot:

:thumbsup:

they probably drink, snort, shoot or smoke too much of something themselves

about their own drug/alcohol abuse. I think you did the right thing confronting this person. It shows you care.

that pain management is vastly overrated. We don't know as much as some like to pretend we know.

When it comes to pain like your friend's, doctors just try to use whatever they have in their bag of tricks. Often, it doesn't work. Sometimes, it just "takes the edge off" for a while. All meds have side effects and many people who use them don't like them, but the alternative is a crippling, life-sucking pain you can't imagine unless you've been through it.

I've had three close friends who suffered pain like that. One was a cancer patient, and the pain was so bad that they had to compound his oxycontin at the hospital because the dose was so strong -- and it was delivered to his house by an armed guard. It only took the edge off. Mercifully, the cancer took him before too long, but he suffered horribly. He hated being on the oxycontin, but being off of it was far worse.

The second friend had incredible back pain, due to an accident. Several surgeries only seemed to make it worse. Before the accident, he had movie-star quality good looks -- an extremely handsome guy. The last time I saw him, he looked like a concentration camp survivor. When I saw him that time, he told me how much he hated what the drugs were doing to his head -- and they only relieved a small part of the pain. So, his head was fucked up and he was in constant pain. Three days later he shot himself.

The third friend has a serious back problem. Again, he was, like your friend, on a variety of pain meds, which were only of marginal value. I stayed with him for a few days and he spent most of his time crying because of the pain. There was no position he could get into in which he was comfortable. He could barely walk. A young, healthy guy normally, he was shuffling around like a 90-year-old man. Fortunately, he underwent successful surgery and it relieved all the pain.

Three days later, he called me to tell me he thought he was having a reaction to the anesthesia. He described his symptoms and, as he was talking, a light bulb went off. He was going through withdrawal from all the pain meds he had been on for a year. I told him to get to a doctor immediately, which he did, and the doctor confirmed he was in withdrawal. Since he had been without the meds for several days, my friend decided to just stay off them and ride it out. I went and stayed with him for five days -- it wasn't pretty. But, he's over it now and has no desire at all to get back on any of those drugs.

I guess my only thing to say was that "overkill" may be a strong word, because you don't know how severe the pain is and it could be that he doctor is trying as best he/she can to address it -- but there are always trade-offs. It's usually up to the patient to determine how much pain they can manage.

But, I agree with the others, your friend shouldn't be driving.

If you live in an medical cannabis state try that for chroinc pain first, either by brownie or vaporizer as there are less negative side effects than with opiates, if the cannabis does not work opiates do have their place in pain management.

There is no harm in trying to say something but our society is increasingly isolated in terms of reaching out.

We stay out of it, we don't want to be involved.

Ironic, because among some of the afflicted there are those "crying out for help" though the very same destructive behaviors.

And, for those who are saying, "stay out of it", I say look in the mirror.

Your defensiveness is a red flag for a personal issue with substance abuse.

Great post, thank you.

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