OK, now I've heard it all...

I had a patient this A.M. tell me that there was actually a high incidence of pain relief medication being inserted, ahem - 'elsewhere' - because the person reading the bottle did not know how to pronounce "analgesic".

Words fail me...

"It's pronounced 'ann-ul-jee-sick,' sir. Pills go in your mouth."

all those shows are based on real incidents...no question that those writers just have to interview so ER docs for 5-6 hours and come up with 3 seasons of plotlines.

I work in a county outpatient clinic and shake my head everyday at some of the stuff that comes through our area...some of this you just CAN'T make up.

A male patient found me one day in a panic cuz he was having penile drainage..I told him to do an unscheduled visit, just sign in up at the front. He even offered to go GET the stained undies FROM his car for me to look at so I could SEE his problem. NO, NO NO, please, just make the appointment and get seen....

Turns out, he just left and never did see anyone that day.

A few days later he saw me from a distance and looked all happy as he flagged me down to talk to him.
He started reminding me about his problem, pretty graphically so I tried to drag him into a room so as not to discuss his "problem" in a crowded hallway. He saw the hallway discussion as no big deal because:

Turns out, after he went home, he remembered something about the night his problem started..he was eating PIZZA while only wearing his UNDERWEAR. The, uh, spots that he saw and panicked over was pizza sauce that had dripped and stained "that" area.

I remember thinking thank God he (or the undies in the car) didn't get seen that day...he would have been shipped over to the urology clinic for a stat scope of his you-know-what

I didn't know which amazed me more, his initial "problem" or that he was brave enough to come and FIND me days later to tell me what really happened!

the doctor's instructions and took a suppository as a pain pill.

;)

...it doesn't really matter. :rofl:

on edit-- that reminds me of that old story about spermacidal foam and the pregnant woman who admitted her birth control lapses because the stuff tastes so damn bad....

told the perplexed doc that she WAS using the birth control pills, but that they 'fell out' half of the time.

and a nasty fever for which the doctor INSISTED he take aspirin.... Doc ordered up aspirin suppositories. It was not a great experience for my 18 year old brother.

Sick stuff...that's ACID!

and was amused to learn that the anti vomiting medicine went up my butt and the anti diarrhea medicine had to be swallowed.

But I have that song 'Stuck In The Middle With You' as an earworm now

Instead, I have to turn off my imagination.

Happy Easter!

I ask them, "If you have a headache, do you put the aspirin on your forehead?'

The ASA burns the daylights out of the tissue...there's actually a clinical syndrome it's so common.

And I was so good with the patients, as a reward, I was the one who was assigned to do EEGs on all the psych patients.

If you ever want to hear some truly amazing stories, arrange to observe a severely mentally ill, paranoid- or agitated-schizophrenic, as the tech is putting electrodes on him/her. Actually, though, it's kind of sad, since most such patients are miserable and terrified every moment of their lives.

If you're a physician (or even an allied health care doctor -- DDS, DC, PhD audiologist, even a naturopath -- there are plenty in Philly; I live here too) I'm sure you've been dealing with this since your second year of med school. And I'm likewise sure there are some truly facepalm-worthy moments like the one you just had.

And it's not just a doctorly experience. My brother used to be a computer tech, and started in the early days. At one point, during one of the first virus scares, he was flooded with phone calls from terrified people.

"I'm scared about this computer virus! What do I have to do to avoid getting it?"

"Hmmm ... what kind of computer do you have?"

"Computer? I don't have a computer."

It's become one of those urban non-legends among computer folk ... like "where's the 'any' key?"

--d!

Now they're both stuck and making a bad noise.

I've found wrapped suppositories in places you don't want to know about. You really do have to point out the obvious to fools, Voltaire was wrong about that one.

When we used to treat people for oral thrush, we used to prescribe the suppository b/c it tasted better than the oral troches!

Wow, we used to have to explain it to the patient about 6 times, and then the pharmacist when he or she read the directions...

Now they taste better...

is even better than those troches, they were disgusting. I imagine the pharmy was a little perplexed if it was a new grad. The old timers knew better.

Pharmies are pretty used to seeing alternative routes for some medications.

way back in the late 60's, my not too educated, divorced, mother in law
( later happily an ex-mother-in law)
found herself a boyfriend.
She knew I was taking birth control pills.
she called me one morning asking to borrow ONE of my pills, hinting that she would
"need it" later" that night.

parents.

I had a client bring in a cat with diarrhea. Back then we used to dispense a liquid that was basically kaopectate to help firm up the stool. So I got the medication ready and told the guy it was basically kaopectate, and that he should administer about 2 squirts from the bottle 2 or 3 times a day (or whatever, but you get my point).

A few days later he called, all frustrated and panicked. "Dr. kestrel, what do I DO??? I can't get the medication into him, he just screams and cries and squirms so bad when I try."

As part of troubleshooting on the phone, I will ask people to describe their actual technique and see if I can give any tips on how to do something more effectively, so I did so.

His response: "Well, when we grab his tail......"

It was the original facepalm moment.

(He thought it was to be squirted up the back end)

I talk to people this dim, and worse, almost every day.
:kick:

I'm 57 years old and have practiced for 31 years in an urban setting and had an award-winning clinical teaching career for 10 years.

"Remove top, push up bottom."

:P

Guy goes to the dr with a hemmorhoid problem.

He says: "Doc, these hemorrhoids are killing me."
Dr. says: "Here, take these suppositories and come back to see me in a week."

The guy comes back in a week,
and the Dr. says: "Well are things any better or improving?"

The guy says: "Nope, doc, no improvement at all."
The doctor says: "That's odd, those suppositories should have helped by now."

The guy says: "Doc, for all the good they did me, I could have shoved them up my ass !"

A laugh sorely needed at 9:15 AM and 25 degrees! (At least that's ABOVE zero...) :hug: