A letter to a student angered by the hate mail she received over photos of the non-Constance prom...

Here's the context in which I wrote this letter. A high school senior from rural Mississippi, Constance McMillen, was not allowed to take her girlfriend to prom out of concerns that it would make other students uncomfortable and unable to enjoy her prom. When the ACLU and various liberal organisations put pressure on the school district to reverse the decision, the school cancelled the prom outright rather than reversing the decision or taking on the ACLU in a hopeless court battle.

Subsequently, the ACLU sought an injunction to acknowledge a violation of Constance's first amendment rights an to stop the prom from being cancelled. The court acknowledged the violation but did not reverse the cancellation, accepting the school board's assurances that a private party in lieu of the prom was being devised.

This Friday (April 2) was prom night, but only 7 students (Constance, her date, and a few mentally disabled and unpopular outcasts), the school principal, and a few teacher chaperons showed up at Constance's event. Another event was held in a nearby town, which the school's other students attended to celebrate prom. A student at the school attended this event and posted updates about it on her Facebook along with a few dozen photographs in an album entitled "Prom 2010". As the information was made public, she received angry Facebook messages from Constance's sympathizers, a fact which seemingly baffled and infuriated her.

While I was writing this letter, the student in question made her wall and her photos private (which any reasonable person using Facebook should do anyways, so it's kind of hard to fault her for this) and barred non-friends from messaging her, so I instead sent a friend request to which I appended the message I had intended to send her.

The message follows:

If you don't understand why people are angry with you, your friends, your classmates, the people of your community, and the so-called leaders of your school district, then I'm left pondering who in the world would be foolish enough to have deemed that you have acquired the knowledge and the aptitude for either critical thinking or emphasizing with your fellow man that defines an individual who has genuinely earned their high school diploma and who is worthy of assuming the mantle of adult citizenship in a free and democratic society.

Your public school district, a non-religious, non-sectarian school district with non-religious, non-sectarian public schools, decided that it would not allow a lesbian student to wear a tuxedo and to take her same-sex date with her to prom, citing the fact that it would make the prejudicial segments of the student body unable to be comfortable and enjoy prom. To which I say, tough shit. If your classmates are not able to have a good time because having to dip their big toe out of their ignorant heteronormative bubble makes them a bit uncomfortable, how is that Constance's problem?

I had friends in high school who spent a substantial amount of time in the closet, unable to fully come to terms with their sexuality and unable to enjoy the same carefree teenage bliss of their neighbours, because they spent years subjected to a culture were homophobic slurs and prejudices are ubiquitous and where anything outside of the heterosexual bubble was presented as being abnormal and wrong. I know, and know of, my fair share of successful people who are stuck choosing between the profession that they love and following their hearts and their feelings simply because they were drawn to a field characterized by a macho, anti-gay culture (professional sports is perhaps the most prominent example). I have an uncle, the most well-educated and successful on my father's side of the family, who lived a fucking lie for half of his life because he was scared of being ostracized by his family, his community, and his workplace. Children are denied stable families and forced to bounce from rootless foster home to rootless foster home as wards of the state because a few hate-addled ninnies don't want them to be adopted by same-sex couples. And yet in some demented, hate-filled world, we're all supposed to flush these things down the toilet and cry because a few pubescent bigots, brainwashed by church, community, and family, want to deny to their neighbour the same joyful right of passage that my prom was to me and that their prom will be to them. I'm not gay, I'm nowhere near Mississippi, but Constance's injustice strikes me profoundly as an echo of many of the same injustices and oppressions that my friends, my loved ones, and my compatriots have been forced to endure and are continuing to endure.

With the support of individuals and organizations dedicated to promoting civil liberties, equality under the law, and separation of church and state (In the words of Thomas Jefferson, "It neither picks my pockets, nor breaks my bones if my neighbor believes in one God, many Gods, or none at all."), Constance stood up and struggled for her rights, and for the rights of marginalized men and women throughout Mississippi and throughout America. Knowing that they stood no chance against the forces of righteousness and justice, the school district, as you know better than I do, decided to cancel the prom rather than either doing the right thing and letting Constance attend with her date or losing decisively in an arduous and humiliating legal battle. In making this decision, your school district put a target on Constance's back, and turned her into a pariah among her classmates and her community. Your school district encouraged hate and created an environment that can foster lynch-mob mentalities just because either they were too scared to do the right thing or because they themselves were so blinded by hatred and ignorance as to have no idea what the right thing even was. The court called them on it and stood up for Constance's First Amendment rights, but did not order the prom's cancellation to be reversed because they were under the assumption that a private prom was already being arranged within the community. As we learned this weekend, however, the private country club "prom" was a ruse, attended only by Constance, her date, the school principal and a few outcasts within the school (including mentally challenged students who were conveniently not invited to the big party), while the larger party, which you and your friends have referred to as "Prom 2010", went on without Constance or without these outcasts.

Maybe you see yourself as a bunch of high-school students wanting to have a good time, but in the way in which this event was handled, I see the worst of high school bullying and clique mentality and the worst of the adult prejudices and moral bankruptcy that foster such a shallow environment.

I've said my piece, and I hope that in doing so, I was not rude or dehumanizing to you. I'll admit that at times I was harsh, but so too is the suffering that others have endured because of this attitude. Your reaction of "I'm not sorry, I was having fun" to the angry mail that you've gotten does nothing to represent your position in a positive light and will likely garner you little sympathy and serve to inspire a new wave of hate mail.

All the best, and may you learn and grow from this experience.

BH

passion and a way with words that could fill the job or you could pass the idea on to someone like you. Thank you for a great post. K and R.

"The world deserves a book, a documentary film, or a movie based on real life to record this event. Any of the three would be eligible- a movie would draw more people. The writing could begin now, though we don't know the end yet - the legal outcome. An apology or two or more. A whistleblower. New friend-supporters found.

It could even have two parts, one to be written in years to come where the players are tracked as to what they are doing now - maybe some voluntary interviews.

I think a book and a movie could be written - with the book showing photos of all the players to the extent the law would permit.

This is classic America US - someone always being left out because of feelings of superiority. Someone denigrated. So many groups have taken their turn.

Superiority we see played out every day in politics. Supremacists. TV networkds and religious leaders taking the lead and washing brains.

Peace on earth good will to men - is a false greeting from many in this country.

All beings are created equally is a lie. I always say the only things that this country has been superior at are - technology and work ethic. All else is a lie. And the technology has been stolen, allowed to be stolen, sold, moved, traded, profited from by a few - with the money being parked outside the country and the business registered outside to avoid the limitations by law - to pollution, workmens compensation, OHSA rules, etc - and the kill of unions and the push to McDonalds.

Please - someone do something with this story. Document it. Expose it. Make them squirm. Make people realize that the world is speeding up, but it is getting smaller. Remind them. It's this young girls' life, but it also our country's story. Go for it. this event. Any of the three would be eligible- a movie would draw more people. The writing could begin now, though we don't know the end yet - the legal outcome. An apology or two or more. A whistleblower. New friends made.

It could even have two parts, one to be written in years to come where the players are tracked as to what they are doing now - maybe some voluntary interviews.

I think a book and a movie could be written - with the book showing photos of all the players to the extent the law would permit.

This is classic America US - someone always being left out because of feelings of superiority. Someone denigrated. So many groups have taken their turn.

Superiority we see played out every day in politics. Supremacists. TV networkds and religious leaders taking the lead and washing brains.

Peace on earth good will to men - is a false greeting from many in this country.

All beings are created equally is a lie. I always say the only things that this country has been superior at are - technology and work ethic. All else is a lie. And the technology has been stolen, allowed to be stolen, sold, moved, traded, profited from by a few - with the money being parked outside the country and the business registered outside to avoid the limitations by law - to pollution, workmens compensation, OHSA rules, etc - and the kill of unions and the push to McDonalds.

Please - someone do something with this story. Document it. Expose it. Make them squirm. Make people realize that the world is speeding up, but it is getting smaller. Remind them. It's this young girls' life, but it also our country's story. Go for it."

And you have "who in the world" twice. Needs checking.

I did proof it and reposted the edited version on DU.

:kick: & R

One of the first people who liked this when I put it up on Facebook was a co-worker of mine, the son of nutso (as in homosexuality is as bad as spousal abuse and rock is satanic) preacher that I use to have editorial wars with in the local paper.