When Insults Had Class

Rec'd this in an e-mail, but there are quite a few political quotes in it that are enlightening. Enjoy!


These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.



The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."


"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Hepburn early on: she runs the gamet from a to b.

she also had a woman pause before a door and say, 'age before beauty.' she swept past saying, 'pearls before swine.'

Hooray for Dottie!

Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell is This? by Marion Meade

Brilliant.

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do)”


Dorothy lived to 73. "Not bad!" I believe is how I heard someone else put it.

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.

I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it.

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think "How lucky are the dead.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.


Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

"she ran the gamut of emotions from a to b."

Don't know who first said that.

uh....don't want to be considered a flirt, after all. ; )

Love it! I am going to use this one.

My husband's cousin when he goes to a restaurant:

Host/Hostes: "Do you have reservations?"

Cousin: "Yes, but I'm here anyway."

Wonder if he got that from Groucho!

Thanks, I'll be changing the words slightly one fine Dick of a day. :evilgrin:

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

and well, I will enjoy reading their obituaries if they have heart attacks.

:D

But I would be a liar if I said I would be sad if they died. I don't like to lie.

:D

but I don't think it holds any weight since I'm not a Christian. I think they are, though, and would likely be happy to see him, well, happy until they find out they're going to Christian hell.

So many associated with that era (which sadly lingers on in the RW of public life) claim to be Christians and claim to believe in the literal Hell of a vengeful and jealous God -- I say, go to that Hell you say you believe in. :eyes:

Hekate

Thanks for sharing these, thoroughly enjoyable!

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
- Mark Twain


sP

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

'First God made idiots, but that was just for practice. Then He made School Boards'

"The honourable member has demonstrated that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense."

And Dear Dorothy Parker, upon hearing Calvin Coolidge died, "How can they tell?"

"How could they tell?"

Neither suffered fools.

"dear sir, thank you for this complimentary copy of your latest book which you sent me. i must say from the moment i picked it up til the moment i set it down, i was convulsing with laughter. maybe later i'll get around to reading it."

:)

Thanks for the quote thread, babylonsister.:thumbsup:

(Dorothy Parker)

and have already used it on someone.

"If you can't eat their food, drink their booze, screw their women and still vote against them, you have no business being up here {in politics/Sacramento}." - Jesse Unruh



Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_M._Unruh

:evilgrin:

"If you'll spare me your unsolicited opinion, I'll spare you the embarassing knowledge of how little it means."

Actually said that to a teabagger who invaded my personal space last summer; I think he's still standing there trying to figure it out.


--

Al Haig described Thatcher's cabinet member as "a duplicitous bastard."

Carrington's reply was "I don't care what he calls me, just so long as he pronounces it correctly." OUCH!

Alzheimer's has erased it from my memory.

:hide:

:rofl:

:hi:

Whoever you are............

- Babylonsister you sure know how to bring a smile to my face. Thanks!!!

:thumbsup:

Churchill, about Clement Attlee.

So many of the greatest insults come from Churchill!

Bessie Braddock: "Sir, you are drunk."
Churchill: "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

Partly because he was famously quick-witted and partly ecause he was just as famously difficult to get on with. He would sleep until noon, awaken as the Cabinet arrived and then conduct Cabinet meetings in his dressing gown. He frequently wandered around Downing Street naked and once conducted a meeting with FDR while in his bath. Some of my favourite Churchill lines:

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject"

"A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen."

"Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed."

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."

(somewhat before the outbreak of WWII) "If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favorable reference to the devil in the House of Commons."

America can always be counted upon to do what is right... after first exhausting all alternatives.

I remember someone telling me that this exchange took place between Churchill and someone else:

Someone else (to Churchill): "Sir, you are drunk."

Churchill (to someone else): "Madam, you are quite correct. I am quite drunk. However, tomorrow, I shall be sober. You, however, will still be ugly tomorrow."

:yoiks: way ahead of his time, that boy (ref: 'laser').

Churchill to Lady Astor: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd take it!"

:kick:

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

:rofl:

So there.




Neener neener!

:rofl:

Great insult by journalist William Cowper Brann in regard to William McKinley
"Why, if a man were to call my dog McKinley, and the brute failed to resent to the deaththe insult, I'd drown it."

Or

Winston Churchill on Clement Atlee
"An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street and when the door was opened, Atlee got out."

:rofl:


Goes along with West Wing today. Among other goodies, Pres. Bartlett says to First Lady: Ah, mon petit fromage! and she says, Why or why, if you know 4 languages, isn't one of them French! You called me your little CHEESE!

Love a good veiled insult.

BRAAAAAAAAAAPPP!

"Sir! I take the utmost exception to your farting before my wife!"

"So sorry; I didn't know it was her turn."

I always laugh when I see a certain re-run of M*A*S*H in which Klinger zaps someone with this ditty:

If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave its butt and teach it to walk backward!

:rofl: