Real women cause earthquakes, By Mark Morford

By Mark Morford

Behold! A fresh danger prowls the land, a grand and treacherous question disguised as a quandary wrapped in a predicament slathered in body oil and leather cuffs and Cosabella thongs. Behold!

The question rageths thusly: Who on this earthly plane, once and for all, really causes all the floods and fires, earthquakes and meltdowns in the land? Upon whose sinewy, godless shoulders can the nervous world -- old, leathery white guys who never have sex in particular -- foist all the blame? Is it the women? Is it the gays? Is it the goddamn dolphins? Do they even have shoulders? Maybe this is the problem.

More specifically, which of the world's myriad evil forces spell our certain doom? Is it the exposed nipples or the anal sex? The tantalizing ankles or the tongue kissing in the street? Is it the strap-ons? Designer jeans? The sacrum tattoos? Shaved genitalia?

If you have hot sex more than three times in a single day, will a portion of rural China fall off and die? If you have unmarried cunnilingus in the back of an unprotected Audi, will God make a million bunnies spontaneously combust? Do messy orgasms make angels cry? ...

(click here to read the rest)

(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2010/04/23/notes042310.DTL&nl=fix)

It's women's minds and intentions those old men fear the most.

The hand that rocks the cradle and cooks the dinner,

the person that produces the next generation

and all the anonymous derision of leathery old men,

the backs that labor to keep the male of the species from self-destructing...

THAT'S what the would-be kings fear. They also fear losing those persons.

:evilgrin:

:evilgrin:

The others are more of an admiration from afar.

:woohoo: