Just for funsies, I penned this

A Teabagger’s Love Poem

I’m so sick o’ spics an’ Libruls
And other left-wing terdz
That I put my pen ta pa-per
And spell’d out these here wurds!

They’ve got me all ex-cit-ed
Yes, I’ve had it up ta here
The Anti-christ’s a-comin’!
There’s much out there ta fear!

The Libruls are now in pow’r
Puttin’ all our kids in debt
Grabbin’ hold a Gen’rul Motors
So-shul-eye-zin’ us! You bet!

They’re letting the gays all marry
Spreadin AIDS and H-I-V
Lettin’ ‘em join our army
Passin' on germs ta yew an’ me!

I’m for them old-time val-yoos
Things’re were fine. Just let me be!
And I don’t want no changes
Screwin’ up this fine cunt-ree

I’ve taken ta dem-un-stra-tin’
Puttin’ bags on all my hats
Dick Army’s gonna-pay me!
Ta say “No!” ta Dem-o-crats

Now I’m a Par-ty mem-ber.
Higher taxes give me fits.
True, I don’t haveta pay ‘em,
But it still disturbs my shits.

I’m proud ta be blue col-ler
I work hard to earn a buck
I read my Bye-bul daily
And I love my pickup truck

I seldom read news-pa-pers
Don’t watch M-S-N-B-C!
Get my news from Glen and Rush
And I love Sean Han-ni-ty

Ain’t no water in my lik-ker
Stir my kawfee with my thumb
I ain’t no union member
No, I’d never be that dumb

Don’ like sex-scenes in moo-vees
I follow the Gol-den Rule
God’s werd's there in the Bye-bul
Want it herd in my kid’s school!

There ain’t no e-vo-lu-shun
Adam walked with dye-no-sars
You can shove your solar pow’r
And your fancee hybrid cars

A flag’s upon my jack-ut
Got a gun in both my fists
Ta ward off crooks ‘n burglars
And ma-raw-din So-shul-ists

Don’t need no helth inshoo-runts
If its canser, I’ll just die
The Gummunt can’t run nuthin’
Ta say dif-frunt is a lie!

I hate our Fed-rul gummunt.
Mexies, Com-mu-nists, and queers
They’re all out there to get us
Welfare cheets and profi-teers!

Don’t need new in-sti-tu-shuns
Just say “No” to byoo-ro-crats!.
I’m for that old Free Market
Reg-u-lay-shuns drive me bats!

Can’t stand Nan-cy Pee-losi
And her crew of fem-uh-nists
Let’s fence her up in ‘Fris-co
With them other Sod-o-mists!.

There ain’t no Globul Warm-in’
All them sci-un-tists is bent!
I’m fine with newk-lyer power
Don’t need no En-vi-ro-ment

I got a good hunt’n rye-ful
Don’t buhleeve in huggin’ trees
The N-R-A protects me
So I always pays their fees.

Them blacks is sons-o-bitches!
Gettin’ their checks an’ havin’ fun.
We pay for all their ba-bies!
No kid-a mine’ll mar-ry one!

The Tax Code’s id-ee-otick.
It’s a mor-an’s jam-bo-ree!.
Let’s just all pay ten per-cent
That’d be e-quul, dontcha see?

I buh-leeve in human souls
They’re a say-krid thing ta me.
But aside from em-bree-os
Death’s a real fine pen-ul-tee!

I’m okay with water-board-in’
A few Moozlim guys or two.
No juries for them basterds!
Let's ren-di-shun us a few!

I know the End’s a-comin’
It’s just right around the bend
You’d bett’r get your shit straight
And be born again, my friend.

So why’m I a Par-ty mem-ber?
Why’m I holdin’ his here sign?
It’s fer God’n Mitch McCon-nell!
An’ this here fam-u-ly o’ mine!

Cause life’s so com-pli-ca-ted
It’s so hard to un-der-stand
A black guy’s in our White House
What’s be-kum of our dear land?

But soon we’ll make all things bett’r.
There’s a-goin’ ta come a day
When we’ll kick ‘em outta office
And have everything our way!

A-dyoo ta Reid and Bi-den
Barney Fag-got and his kind
We’ll send O-ba-ma pack-in’
His birth ser-ti-fi-cut to find.

We’ll say goodbye ta Wall Street
To them mo-guls and fat cats
We’ll drill up lots of oy-ul
And we’ll spit on Dem-o-crats

We’ll tear down all their wind-farms
We’ll burn coal just cause we can
We’ll put in Sa-rah Palin,
And e-lim-in-ate Eye-ran!

Say fare-thee-well to unions
Send them wetbacks all back home
We’ll dyna-mite the I-R-S
Send them Cath’licks off ta Rome

Put them niggers back ta slavin’
Puttin’ cott’n in bur-lap bags
We’ll vote righties inta Con-gress
And we’ll fly Con-fed-rut flags!

No more o’ mane streem meedya
We’ll a-void it like the pox
We’ll take Maddow off the air- waves
And get all our views from Fox

Then won’t it be a vizh-un?
A real “City on a Hill”
A place to raise your fam-lee!
An’ do the good Lord’s will!

So if Hol-ly-wood and Commies
Put yer stummicks outta whack,
Join your fellow troglodytes!
Become an Oolong-sipping hack!

:evilgrin:

Mind if I forward it to some Repub "friends" who haven't completely gone off the cliff yet?

Oh K&R!

... but it expresses a courage little seen in this day and age!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ke5Mr5eCF2U

Welcome to the wild and crazy world of DU!

But it's real good to be back.

here's to resurrection!!

:fistbump:

and the words became lyrics to the banjo music still stuck in my head.

Nice job!

I didn't think about it while writing it, but the theme from "The Beverly Hillbillies" does sort of come to mind. Some of the stanzas would need more honing though. Ah well...

It's on the internets now, so don't be surprised if, on the news, you see Victoria Jackson singing it at a teabagger rally (morans!). :)

<http://vodpod.com/watch/3450251-im-a-teabagger-for-jesus>

I'm guessing the Beverly Hillbillies theme occurred to you only after you realized "Dueling Banjos" was never gonna work with your rhyme scheme. :)