Should children be getting their ears pierced?

I'm not sure how common it is in the U.S., but in other countries I've frequently seen parents with very young daughters (4 years old or younger) with pierced ears. Assuming parents are doing this without consent of the child (to say nothing of whether children that age have the ability to give consent), and there's no medical reason to do it, are you OK with it? Or do you find it a barbaric act? I personally have no problem with it.

the piercer knows to adjust the position of the pierce for growing earlobes, I don't see a problem. If the child at any time in the future wants to remove the earrings and let the hole close they can.

decide to have it done herself? I had my ears pierced at age 11--and it was not a pleasant experience. Nor the weeks of infection afterwards. Can't imagine forcing a baby to have that done.

It didn't hurt more than untangling a knot in your hair and there was no infection. It's a funny thing because most of the stories of pain and infection I hear are from older girls, not from moms who had their babies' ears done. Weird.

for a baby to have her earlobes punctured for earrings?

all my cousins' little girls had it done except one of my cousins. She had it done in her early teens and went through weeks of misery.

before I had my sons circumcised as newborns. I felt really really bad about it, but had it done because I felt the health and hygiene benefits outweighed the risks, and it's not something that can be as easily done later when they're adults. But piercing as babies, I don't get at all.

and in our case, came out of Latino culture. I wonder if all cultures that strictly differentiate gender identity don't have practices like this one, not piecing necessarily but other markers.

Kind of ritualistic, underneath it all, actually!

I was 13, when I was first "pierced".

I made my daughters wait until they were in middle school as well.

My own mother refused my pleas for earlier ear piercing with the
admonition that "only Italians and whores" pierced their children's
ears at an early age.

until they were 9. They begged for it before that age, but I told them I wanted to wait.

Growing up I, on the other hand, had a Jewish pediatrician who said, "If God had intended for people to wear pierced ears, he would have provided holes." I didn't get mine done until I was about 14.

I wore clip ons like my mother. That all changed in the 60s. I had my ears pierced but could not bear the bleeding and the soreness. I gave up my freshman year of college...

to have my daughter's ears pierced if I had one. I don't think there is any comparison in terms of the pain.

and mine at 16 and she had severe infection, I had a bit of infection. However all the Mexican ancestry girls around San Antonio had their ears pierced at birth-2yrs old and never a problem. As I mention in another post on this thread, this consideration of healing is one reason circumcisions are routinely done at birth. I had my son circumcised after discussing at length with my husband (circumcised at birth) and his brother (not circumcised till after years of UTIs at the age of 22). His brother had horrendous memories of the constant UTI and related issues, as well as the horrendous pain and recovery from late-day circumcision. My ex-hub had none of the above, no memory, no UTIs, no problems.

I don't see piercing a girls ears as mutilation at all, since most end up wanting them pierced, and younger is better IF the pierce isn't too low in the lobe (when it is, as the child grows the hole will likely rip as it will end up too close to the bottom of the lobe)

I remember loving my earrings and still do, actually. It's just something women do in this family, like cooking and fussing with clothes and playing basketball. lol :hi:

Now adults, they wear earrings most of the time, like a lot of women today, and they've done two or three extra piercings in their ears.

Women don't wear clip-ons like they used to. I figure I did them a favor by having it done properly and early.

An irritant. That's why I had my ears pierced as a teenager. Several in both ears. No infections, and no pain, either.

There was no forcing. And being a responsible parent, she had no followup infection. As a matter of fact, one perk of having it done earlier (as with circumcisions) is that healing tends to go much better.

just as any 4-5 year old would decide about riding a bike or learning something that might cause a scrape or scratch or tumble. I say 4-5 year old because she was already reading Ramona series and other similar chapter books at age two. I have two geniuses for kids.

I'm sorry, but at two years old you can't nor should you be making decisions about body piercings.

Since MOST American girls end up having their ears pierced, it seems wise to do it when it is likely to heal the best.

It's one of the stoll remaining ways modern parents establish their daughters' place in our society.

That is BARBARIC. :puke:

It's a tiny hole that will disappear if left alone. If parents were STRETCHING their infant's ears then I'd agree with you, but a little decorative stud is almost literally nothing.

I'm a big fan of the notion of CONSENT, are you?

We do all sorts of things to kids against their will. That's part of raising a kid. The pain an infant feels with an ear piercing is insignificant, as most of the mothers on this thread who had it done to their daughters can attest.

Good lord, check yourself.

Now, I'm in the "let them decide at 13 years old" camp, as that's what was done with me. But I don't think that it's mutilation at any age.

Even if the purpose is for adornment, it is still mutilating the body by poking holes in it.

And I don't care what "culture" says.

ETA, although some smartass ;) already called me on it: I was speaking of cosmetic body modification, for cultural, religious or "beauty" reasons.

:evilgrin: ;)

I meant cosmetically. :spank:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http://beautyisnotonlyskindeep.blogspot.com/&h=550&w=472&sz=53&tbnid=rRR7V1tFG0iXTM:&tbnh=133&tbnw=114&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dafrican%2Bneck%2Brings&hl=en&usg=__AFTyZDj9gyc-Ny0q8YZCco372vU=&ei=CYblS73cGYSyNtfm0YQI&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=10&ct=image&ved=0CC0Q9QEwCQ

For me, my orthodontia ensured that the cartilage in my jaw wouldn't wear out by the time I was 30.

Both girls had their ears pierced at 5 (which they wanted). The oldest daughter who's now 18 has more piercings than I can count (pretty much something done for each birthday since middle school). The younger daughter (13, nearly 14) has two sets. We always make sure to go to a professional w/a sterile room and use needles only, never ever ever ever use a gun (terrible bacteria).

It isn't mutilation, it's just a tiny hole which can easily grow back if you let it. It hurts no more than an injection.

I had my ears pierced at 16. I stopped wearing earrings in my 30s. Interestingly, the holes never healed. I don't mean they never closed (because they are, essentially, closed - i.e., I couldn't stick anything through them); they never healed.

It's been almost two decades and they still occasionally swell with infection (for no reason that I can determine).

Strange, I grant, and probably not the usual. I suppose my point is that that puncturing flesh in this fashion is more than an 'injection' and it doesn't always 'easily grow back'.

I have scars from a childhood incident which flare up from time to time.

she had to wait till 16 for second holes, and anything beyond that (beyond what is normally acceptable on a professional woman at the time) was forbidden till after 18. My son got to have one earring, in one ear, (again acceptable in professional men at the time) when he was 16, and no other piercings till after 18, now they both have many, but I tried to stay within the "acceptable" range. For my son, even one earring wasn't acceptable when he was born, not till he was about 14 or I would've done his early also.

I'll never forget the time when growing up, our dad wouldn't allow any piercings at all. My mom had been working on him about this for YEARS. Finally, one day he relented (she didn't have piercings either, and she would only do what he said was ok to do). She grabbed my sister and I (we were in high school) and we all went and had it done together. Of course, that's when we also discovered my sister and I both have severe nickel allergies. :(

Bottom line, I think that whatever a parent decides wrt piercings is ok as long as it's safe and legal. Our oldest daughter did get her nose done at 16, too. She's thinking about doing a tattoo now (back of neck) but I'm trying to get her to put it off another year. 'Cuz once you start w/tattoos you just don't want to stop.

What else would you like to dictate about with respect to child rearing? Nannystate much?

It's not "nanny-state" do protect KIDS from abuse.

But I'll entertain this idiocy. What age limits should the state declare as legal for earrings?

And as a follow up, do you also think that male child circumcision is mutilation that the state should prohibit?

Save your outrage for something that matters at least one iota.

Really there's nothing else to say to something so ridiculous.

of ear piercing at an early age or can you produce one woman whose ears were pierced that thinks, as you do, that this is "mutilation"?

geez....you're kidding me, right?

Heck, now I want to go out and get another ear piercing!!!

It's easier to keep the babies from messing with the new earrings and they heal quite quickly.

My ears were pierced the first time when I was an infant and I never considered my earrings evidence of mutilation.

not society's business if I have my daughter's ears pierced. It's mine and mine alone.

100 years ago.

to cigarette smoke, in the closed up auto, from the 'adults', while they sit helplessly with no ability to give consent?

Add to that my Aspie/Autistic sensory sensitivities... :grr:

It's pretty close to reversible. If you don't like it then you don't wear earrings and the holes become tiny dents.

Quite unlike circumcision, for instance.

I have seen a lot of Latino infants with pierced ears and it strikes me as odd, but it's not high on my dudgeon meter.

but it reflects the wishes of the parent, not the child.

... had the child ears pierced because the child said she wanted it. Those same parents likely wouldn't consent to getting their child a tattoo or piercing her nose if the child said she wanted that. Would they have consented to ear piercing if the child was a boy?

Ear piercing isn't such a big deal for girls in our culture that it's anyone's business but the child's, the parents', and the person who performs the procedure. That said, if I was a person who pierced people's ears, I wouldn't pierce the ears of a young child, and I didn't have my daughter's ears pierced at an early age.

how uncomfortable it must be to spend so much time laying down with earrings in. When I had mine pierced as an adult it was hard for me to find a comfortable position to lay my head so the posts didn't poke me. I wouldn't have a very young child's ears pierced for that reason alone. My daughter got her ears pierced when she was 8 years old. She wanted to have it done and was old enough that I could explain to her just what was involved. Her daughters were about the same age when their ears were pierced.

it's really a problem. They sure would be less intrusive than those big old diaper pins we used to use. And from reading this thread, it begins to look like the older you have it done, the more problems you have. I'd never thought of that. :)

a three or two year old could choke on the earings.

Rationalize it all you want. When you intentionally poke holes in your body, or burn images into your skin, you are engaging in self-mutilation.


When you do it to a child, who may or may not want it when they are older, you are engaging in child mutilation.



I know our society accepts it... but it is incredibly stupid.

And I say that as someone with pierced ears and a tattoo.

want her ears pierced and of course that was fine with me. However her friends, aunts and other relatives would ask her "how come you don't have your ears pierced?". I think it put a pressure on her. She somehow felt ungirly. I told her to do what she wanted, not what others expected her to do. Eventually she did (age 15) and it was no big deal but it was strange to me that others had some sort of expectation about this because one is a girl.

It's a way of showing love. My uncle used to say, WHERE are your shoes? He meant, it's nice to see you.

lol

You said "Rationalize it all you want. When you intentionally poke holes in your body, or burn images into your skin, you are engaging in self-mutilation."

You'll get this or you won't. For a lot of people, piercing is reclaiming the body. It's a way to change your body, make it your own again, especially after being raped or molested.

I got my belly button pierced. A few months ago I got my first tattoo. I had always wanted to do those things, but you may have hit it with the whole reclaiming your body thing. For some people it's just another form of expression. For others they enjoy getting it done. Adrenaline high. I enjoyed getting my tattoo, not so much on the belly button lol, that friggin hurt way more than any of my ear piercings or my tattoo. I'd like to get another tattoo, just haven't figured out what and where yet. :hi:


either way, it's your body....as for babies, I wouldn't do it to my daughter even though since she was two she's been asking me to get holes in her ears like mine. I was seven, she can get them then if she wants to.

it happened in Central America, where this practice is very common. I was always complaining to my mom because I was mad that she didn't pierce my ears. My cousins wore the cutest little earings, and I was so jealous!

I finally muster enough courage to do it. I had to do it three times before my ears stayed opened.

They say that babies ears are almost as thin as paper, so it's much easier to do it then. I understand why my mom didn't do it -she wanted us to decide- but getting my ears pierced was harder and more traumatic for me as an older child, than for them as babies!

nieces had their ears pierced between ages 2 and 5. In fact, I don't know a parent of a young girl who didn't have their daughter's ears pierced before she started school.

and about 3 of those have been ear lobes.

Frankly, I don't think anyone should be pierced until they are of age and can pay for it. I don't know a professional piercer who would touch a child under 12, even with parental consent.

It isn't mutliation, but it is body modification. It's something to do by personal choice, not to have thrust upon you.

should be made when the person is an adult and can choose for themselves.

Any younger and it's essentially parents forcing it on the kid.

I begged my parents to let me get my ears pierced when I was 8 or 9. They kept saying no as they thought that my ears would get infected. They finally relented when I was 10 and it turned out fine as I was good at taking care of my ears.

i got my ears pierced for my fifth birthday and i remember begging for it. i kept begging for a second set of holes in my ears, which i didn't get until my 13th birthday (i think). my parents in no way, shape or form forced me to do it.

the piercings usually grow over. Not to mention, it looks like the older you are, the more pain and chance of infection there is.

Nobody forced my earrings on me. I thought they were great. And I don't see any big support groups for women who had their ears pieced early so I assume that most of us are okay with it. lol

I begged and begged for ear piercings as a kid, and I wasn't even a little girl. The vast majority of little girls and a fair slice of little boys don't need to be forced into ear piercings. When I was 11 my mom finally broke down and let me get ONE ear pierced ("And not the gay side! make sure it's not the GAY SIDE!" :eyes: ) and within a year or so I'd added three more by myself, all of which hurt about ten times more and got infected.

:rofl:

Where I was from it was the left side we weren't supposed to pierce if we were straight, so of course I got my left ear pierced to fuck with everyone.

The comedian Steve Hughes from Australia summed it up.

"I did cooking at school instead of sport. I was into death metal and cooking. I was an angry man, but you’ve gotta eat. But blokes would get freaked out, ‘cause it’s a macho kind of country. They don’t like that kind of behaviour from blokes, y’know? “You cookin’, Hughes? You gay, mate?” Yeah, I’m gay, mate. I’m icing cakes with thirty chicks and you fuckwits are showering together. But it’s strange here. A guy in England told me that if you wear an earring in your right ear, which I do, in England that means you’re gay. See, in Australia, it’s when you’ve got your cock in another man’s ass. So they’re in for a bit of a surprise."
--
"I don't like 'em!"
"Like what?"
"Poofters, mate, I don't like them. Not tough enough."
"Not tough enough? They fuck men!"

A co-worker once described a gay customer as "unmanly."

I told her "Unmanly?! When he has sex there are - at a bare minimum - TWO cocks involved! When he's fucking he's at least, by definition, twice as manly as your husband."

Good comeback! :)

Children have all sorts of ideas about what they do and do not want and a wise parent pays attention to that and juggles it with the loving parental responsibility to give the child whatever tools are necessary to survive in whatever world that child lives in.

My parents made me wait until 16 - because they did not want to be responsible for taking care of my pierced ears and at 16 they felt I could be responsible myself. It was an arbitrary age not at all connected to my maturity. **I** could have handled it much younger. If pierced ears are "in" and a parent is willing to do the caretaking and it does no more harm to a child than giving them immunity shots then why not. Big deal.

If other people pierce their kids. :shrug:

Until at least 12.....

:hide:

my consent, but I didn't object either. It was just what was done. I'm glad to have pierced ears. Non pierced earrings hurt!

I remember it being done and was okay with it because I looked forward to wearing the pretty earrings like my mother did. Most of my friends didn't get theirs done until junior high and they had to beg their parents to let them. Clearly even little girls like pretty jewelry. I don't know about other kinds of piercing though, like in nose and lips. I think then the age of consent should be reached first before parents do that to their kids.

We're talking a couple of months. I can't remember a time when I ever had un-pierced ears.

And I am quite fine with the practice.

about bonding and about signaling the worth of female children.

For the first, I have so many images in mind of every one of my infant cousins or nephews and nieces reaching for that earring their mother wore or, their aunt, their grandma. That earring was a connection but also a separation. It drew the child to connect but began the process of the child learning the difference between him/herself and another when the wearer gently pulls back.

And when I think of all the cultural practices that have attached to female infants -- like infanticide or abandonment or real mutilation, putting a precious metal in your little girl's ear as a sign that she has worth to you and to the family is an interesting idea.

But we are a family of women. And I guess one of those family rites was the piercing of the ears. My grandmother used to go back to Panama and she often came back with jewelery and it was always name plates and earrings. The only cousins that didn't have their ears pierced was my uncle's daughters because his wife was afraid that they'd pull out the earrings. And the rest of us thought she was crazy. Baby earrings are very flat and I've never seen any baby pull them out. I had very small danglies when I was less than a year old (based on a picture of me at nine months old) and I didn't take them off for years. (I removed them as I got older because frankly they were just too small)

But to your point about cultural practices attached to female infants I must say that providing her with her first piece of jewelery and providing the means for her to wear them is quite sweet considering a lot of other cultural practices end in mutilation and/or death.

friends showed up at my door without warning and said she was taking her daughter to the mall to get her ears pierced, and that I should bring mine too. I couldn't believe the nerve of the woman. I turned her down flat and said if and when my daughter had her ears pierced she and I together would determine the time and place.

My daughter is now 17 and has never shown the slightest interest in piercing her ears. If she wanted to do it, I wouldn't object. She simply doesn't see the point.

other parents allow in this area.

My mom was opposed to it because of her background where ear piercing was considered low class. I managed to convince her it was ok when I was going into middle school.

B-)

:popcorn:

I think infant girls with pierced ears look adorable. :shrug:

see nothing wrong with it. My granddaughter had her ears done at 6 months old because they won't do it before then. She is 4 yrs old and still has them done. I wish my mom had mine done at a early age. I ended up having my done at 19. Never regretted.

What?!

That's my opinion at least. I wouldn't consider it mutilation, but I would consider it a sign of a parent treating their child badly. It comes down to the issue of choice and consent. A child cannot give consent, and is not mature enough to make a choice.

When my sister was growing up she badly wanted pierced ears. My mother absolutely refused, and if she wanted to wear earrings she had to wear clip ons. It wasn't until my sister's 13th birthday, that upon her request as a birthday present that she be allowed to have her ears pierced. My mother was more willing then, but still tried to make sure she understood that it might hurt.

I remember going with my sister and seeing her get her ears pierced... and watching her cry because it hurt. :P

Afterwards, though, she was very happy. The point is this: It was my sisters choice and no one else's. She was old enough to understand what she was requesting, old enough to understand the consequences of her actions, and mature enough to give consent on that issue.

This is why it is wrong to do it before a child is old enough to make the choice and / or consent. A parent should NEVER be allowed to make the choice to willingly modify the body of their child in anyway, large or small. That body does not belong to them. The child is not their property. The child is not a pet. The child is a separate entity with rights, completely and wholly separate from that of the parent who is merely their guardian.

And the self-important rhetoric of parents infuriates me regularly.

Despite all that I have to say the parents are FAR more than mere guardians. They are parents, and will make any number of enormous decisions without their child's consent. That's parenting.

I don't disagree with your definition. That's part, IMO, of being a guardian: To make choices for someone who cannot make them for themselves. Even enormous decisions.

But there is a difference between deciding where a child attends school, whether or not they're allowed to play certain sports, to expose them to religion, to various ways to discipline or reward their behavior, medical decisions, and other such things of greater and lesser importance. All of that is different from deciding, arbitrarily, to permanently alter the body of a child for the pleasure / desirability of the parent. When a child is too young to understand or give consent to such a thing, it's done for the sake of the parent, not the child. They've effectively turned their child into a piece of property, or made them akin to a pet. It is, in my opinion, a great sign of disrespect toward another individual human being.

I used the term guardian because it most accurately reflects the proper role of a parent. The role of a guardian is to act in the best interests of their ward, which in part means the guardian must set aside his or her own personal interest. Guardian is also the legal term for parent. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/guardian">Here is the definition of a guardian.

When it comes to earrings, it's socially and culturally acceptable to pierce the ears of little girls, even infants. It's also growing more and more culturally acceptable to pierce an ear of young boys. Yet imagine if someone decided to give their child a nose ring. People would be appalled for all the reasons I mentioned. Yet, if taken objectively, what real difference is there between pierced ears and a pierced nose? Outside of social and cultural acceptability, there is no difference.

If I didn't think they would come out while wiping a snotty nose, I don't see the big deal. The oldest daughter has one and it's very sweet, but when she gets a cold it can cause a little problem (it's the corkscrew kind). Babies and little kids' noses are very small so it is probably not a good idea to get them at as young of an age as a first ear piercing.

Once again...what is the BFD??

It's someone else's body. They have not consented.

It's no different than if you were the caregiver / guardian of an adult with dementia, and then decided that they'd look cute with a nose ring. So you got their nose pierced. The adult, like a child, may not have the ability to voice or articulate their opinion on the matter. That doesn't give you the right to decide to add additions to their body without their consent.

Is it child / elder abuse to do such a thing? I wouldn't go that far. However, I would say it is a great sign of disrespect for the body of another human being, which has effectively been treated like a material object or a pet: there to make the owner happy. It has nothing to do with what the other individual wants, but rather, what the caregiver / guardian wants and that is not only selfish it is inconsiderate.

Am I going to chastise a parent who pierces their little girls ears? No, but that doesn't mean I approve of it either. Do I think it makes them awful parents? No, in large part because they do it without thinking, and it's culturally acceptable. It's the cultural acceptability - and the underlying psychology - that I'm against. That psychology basically says that children are owned by their parents, as one would own a pet or property, and therefore they are entitled to do whatever they want with them. I object. I see them as distinctive individuals entitled to all the rights of adults, but in the temporary care of their parents / guardians until they're mature enough to make decisions on their own. Therefore, if you wouldn't do it to an adult that you're a caregiver of - there is a decent chance you shouldn't do it to the child.

You are so far off base you haven't a clue.

Would you pierce the body of an adult if they couldn't consent? You don't have to have malice behind your decision to do so, merely the same intention behind doing it for a child: because you think it'll look cute / nice / pretty, whatever.

Chances are, virtually everyone would answer: no. The question then is why would someone say no to doing it to an adult, but then feel perfectly justified doing the exact same thing to a child? The answer? Ownership and social acceptability. The only problem with that is that you can't own a person.

The fact that you are even bringing this up is ridiculous.

I am dismissing both you and your point of view because of it. Don't take my choosing not to debate you any further as a sign that you are right--because you're not. As a parent I only have to answer to my children, my husband and the wonderful family that we are so lucky to have. And I feel only sorrow for you in making a mountain out of a molehill.

This is ear piercing, for chrissakes. It's neither abusive, manipulative nor 'owning' someone. Get over it and yourself.

It's perfectly possible to care for another person without showing disrespect toward their body.

The point that you're missing - there is nothing wrong with body modification, whether it is getting piercings, tattoos, or otherwise. Anyone is entitled to do such a thing... TO THEIR OWN BODY.

The point is that it is SOMEONE ELSE'S body. Is it a small thing? Yes. Is it culturally acceptable? Yes. So is getting a disk through your lip for the girls of the Mursi. So is getting neck rings - that elongate the neck - for the girls of the Kayan and Padaung. In those cultures it is considered a thing of beauty. While it is a matter of degree, the fundamentals remain the same.

It is wrong, not because the act in and of itself is wrong, but because the girl in question has been deprived of a choice. You would not pierce the body of an adult in your care because you have respect for that adult and their body. Why then would you do it to a child?

You may not like it - and you may disagree because it is a small thing - but that doesn't invalidate my point. You may be a parent, but you don't have to answer to your children because you are their guardian. They have absolutely no say in what is done to them or their bodies, protest as they might, you ultimately make the decision for them on their behalf with or without their consent. If it is done young enough, then they may not even fully understand what is occurring. You therefore cannot be answerable to your child, no more than you could be answerable to an adult placed in your care.

So then, can you answer the question: Would you pierce the body of an adult in your care, assuming all other factors remain the same - the only difference is age. If the answer is no, then why does age play a factor in the decision when all other factors remain the same?

And I can't help but laugh at a number of comments on this thread which are just fucking hilarious. People take some issues far too seriously.

It's such an incredibly minor procedure. I know girls who did it themselves with a needle and ice cube when they were 8 or so. Doing each other's used to be quite the popular slumber-party ritual, might still be. :shrug:


My mother's family (Brazilian) was kind of horrified when my mom didn't have mine done when I was a baby. They had sent all these really pretty teeny little baby earrings (some quite valuable) that I still have in a bank vault somewhere although I never wore them! Finally I nagged her into letting me do it when I was 10. There were never any problems.

The only problem I had was when we took the earrings out the first time, the backs would not come off, which was no fun for any of us. She has never regretted having her ears pierced, in fact has had her ears pierced a couple more times since then.

and when I brought the baby out to the mother for feeding time, the mom asked me if the hospital did ear piercings...ummmm....NOOOOOOOOOOO.

assuming the kid wants their ear pierced, I don't see why it's a big deal.

My mom waited until I was nine years old and I remember the torture at the doctor's. He used a needle and thread and nothing to numb my ear lobes. He also did my ears a bit crooked. My daughter's pediatrician recommended that I go to a reputable jeweler as they know better how to place the earrings. I didn't want her to go through what I went through. When her ears were pierced she just startled a bit and that was it. She has never regretting having them pierced and she looked adorable when she was little with her cute earrings.

I found it odd that my mother waited so long for me when her ears were pierced as an infant. I think it was her assimilation obsession and didn't want any of us to appear as "other".

My daughter subsequently had her nose pierced and wore a cute stud which was actually quite flattering.

Those are just damned cute.

in FL. More middle schooler girls are doing it, more high school boys too.

Our daughter's boyfriend (20) just had his nose, eyebrow and ears done last month.
All at once. Seriously doubt he'll do it all at once again, but they're all just fine.

Hated it. Half the time the girl would chicken out (grown men would chicken out too)-usually before the first piercing but sometimes after. More often than not it turned into a power struggle between the parent and child-"You begged and begged to do this and now we're here so just do it!". Meanwhile the child's bawling and I feel like a total shit. I didn't know that dealing with traumatizing children was going to be part of my job description, and I didn't want to convince someone to do something they didn't want to do, which I'm sure was part of the job description.

I'd usually just tell them to take a walk around the mall and if they changed their mind I'd be happy to refund their money, silently hoping they'd change their mind. Seems like most of the time they ended up going through with it after whatever talk was had or treat was bought, but it did seem most parents really were not understanding about the fear once there, while some were surprised and responded to their child's unanticipated fear.

than the direction these threads usually go. Thanks for the reality of the moment in contrast to the long term or cultural aspects.

Geeze, I'd be willing to piece myself if they'd leave the store. LOL

when it goes through. Unlike the needle, which is cleaner and far less painful.

opinion means shit but I am fine with it.

It went as expected. DU almost always lives up to expectations.

When one adds "in other countries" to the equations, one probably has to take into consideration that it might be expected culturally. NOT that it might be a good thing. Many places have cultural expectations that are barbaric at best.

I've never met a grown woman in therapy whose issue was pierced ears.

LOL

- by that time they had a good idea of pain, would be able to take care of the piercings and were old enough to have a say in making a body modification. That's for ears only. Any other piercings had to wait until they were 18 and they paid for them - not me.

Seems large numbers of our middle-school students get piercings either by a)doing it themselves and using any kind of metal to do it, b)their friends or neighbors do it. They often don't even use rubbing alcohol or anything to sterilize, and then end up needing repeated passes to the nurse from the infections.

Personally, like I said, I don't agree with it. I think it should be the choice of the child. I don't think it is harmful enough to ban, but I just don't agree with it. I am an adult woman who doesn't want pierced ears and I'm glad my mother let me make the choice myself, because the holes don't close completely with no scarring for every single person who stops wearing earrings. I think I would have resented her for forcing it on me if I still didn't want the earrings and ended up being someone with bad scarring. So I am glad I had the choice and that my ears were never pierced. If I have daughters, they will not be allowed to have pierced ears until they are old enough to take care of it themselves. I don't like the look on children or want to have to care for it.

it's a cultural thing. i don't consider it barbaric.

My sisters & I all got our ears pierced at 13. That's what I'll do for my daughters if they so choose. I have never been fond of that "look": pierced ears on little girls. YMMV.

More than once I've witnessed the ceremony of digging through the dirty diaper to look for the missing earring.

wanted to pierce my grandmother's ears as a child. Because it was cultural for my family at the time to have their young daughters to have their ears pierced. My grandma didn't want her ears pierced, and told her family so, but her mother (family) knew better and attempted to pierce her ears, against her will, while she was sleeping. That was traumatic for my grandma, and she not only fought them off, she refused every attempt after to convince her otherwise.

My grandma never pierced her ears - my mother had hers pierced when she was about 35. I was allowed to pierce my ears in 6th grade - but my mom made damned sure that it was MY choice and that I was responsible enough to take care of them. I allowed my daughter to have hers pierced in 6th grade as well, but it was HER choice and HER responsibility to take care of them. Number of infections = 0 (because, I firmly believe, it was our choice and our responsibility).

If my son wants his pierced, he needs to wait until 6th grade.

I personally think that the request needs to come from the child. Culture be damned. Foot binding is cultural too.

on edit - fixed the g-grand parent discrepancy

but I think parents should wait until their daughter is old enough to have a say in the matter.

My Mom waited until I was 13 and asked....now I have 6 ear piercings and my belly button done...want more.

But, back to the question.... not barbaric.

on edit....no infection...use betadine....the generic version....never infected, not once....

I've seen kids with pierced ears, eyebrows, lips, noses, navels, tongues, etc. Personally, I'm against mutilation of any kind including piercings and tattoos even on adults. But what a person does with their body is not my business. At least piercings can heal if you change your mind. Tattoos are forever.

that said "I just had my ears pierced at ---- (some goddamned junk ear ring store at a mall)". The mother seemed happy as hell with her stupid mother or whoever the asshole was with her who was sucking on a lollipop. Jerks.

I think the most reasonable thing to do is wait until your child asks you for pierced ears (and that's the only thing I'd allow any child to pierce before their teens), then take them to watch someone get their ears pierced and see if they really want to experience that kind of pain yet. If they're tough enough and insistent enough to demand them after seeing it done, agree to it but tell them they can back out at any point if they don't think they can handle it.

I definitely would NOT pierce my child's ears (or anything else) without them requesting it first.

How can anyone object to this, when so many other people do it and it's been going on for so long?