What I have found about today's dating

I recently lost my wife of 17 years and have decided to move on and went to a couple of web based dating sites as I have been quite the home body of the past decade. Now while I am new at this web based dating I expect to meet a couple of ladies who want to go out and have a man show them a good time be it a movie, dinner or just a walk in the park.

Here's where it gets weird if you ask me. I have communicated with a couple of ladies and they have responded back by saying that although I look like a good person to go out with, they were CONSERVATIVES and didn't want to date me(it could be because I listed liberal as my political choice). I wrote back kindly and said I don't really judge a person by their political affiliation as my wife used to vote republican until President Obama came along(this really pissed off her racist mom and boyfriend by the way). I hope they got the message but I know they won't be calling back. I even had one change her political affiliation to "utra-conservative", whatever that means.

So is this what dating in the 21st century going to be like? I wonder if I'll get more date possibilities if I said I was a "middle of the road" type of guy.

Thoughts?

image of a possible partner.

dating, friendship or family, lol. i would be all alone.

because a person is repug does not make them a bagger, or fundamentalist. those of us with repugs in our life understand that. i married a repug, social liberal, but always voted repug. he has since voted kerry, obama. i have family that vote repug, father voted obama, though he is back to pissed at dems now. still, i love him

can't seem to get past political affiliation.

one political party.

i am agreeing it is indicative of our position today.

on edit... reading thru the replies i think illustrate very much what the op is saying

If you are a social liberal you can no longer be a Republican. That went by the wayside about fifteen years ago.

I moved to AZ 10 year ago from Chicago. It was a political/social shock to my system. My closest friends are mostly Republican, my boss is a Conservative Libertarian (and a great guy), two of my favorite clients are from our local Republican Women's group. I don't live and breathe politics.

I had one tell me that unless I was willing to break off all ties with my own son, I was not to consider myself a "real" Democrat.

I'm merely a poseur. Totally uncaring about The Party.


Ummmm...right.

:eyes:

...what's their point in telling you they would have been interested in you if you'd been more conservative?

and hope you find someone with which you experience happiness. Be glad that the conservative women are so forthright in what they want in a man; you'd be in for a world of hurt if they are that set in their ways and you somehow wound up together.
Patience, the right one will come along. Even in casual dating you'll have more fun with someone who is more like-minded.

She said the her vote was canceling out my vote for Kerry and others. We had a very good 17 years and I'll always remember the good times. How I finally convinced her to vote for President Obama I'll never know.

about who you are.

Maybe the sites you're using are at fault and you should expand to other sites where lefties might be more welcome and thus more numerous.

Good luck out there. It can get pretty grisly.

Hell the last thing you want is a wing nut. Take your time.

half your female population to be liberal and the other half nutjobs I would worry. Plenty more fish in the sea.

You'll probably have more luck in the local supermarket anyway - stands out a mile who's shopping for one.

Good luck with your mission.

btw - my wife died 20 years so I know the game.

any lady that is conservative (or ultra-conservative) would be no fun and dating them would be a waste of time... don't change your profile!

I think if you're a repug you're probably ignorant or messed up in the head. Why would anyone invite that into their life?

I see nothing wrong with eliminating the weeds before planting the flowers.

I, too, would like to express my regrets to the OP. I know nothing of the dating scene, but I overhear bits and pieces from a friend who recently divorced. She took the computer dating route, as did her ex-.

This morning she told me her husband said that numerous women have crossed him off their lists because:

• He has a nine-year old kid and she has grown children and she's through with all that
  
• He suffers from depression and she (a different woman) didn't want to put up with it
  
  

Frankly, I think these women are exercising good judgment. It sounds to me like people are getting right down to business and that they know what they want.

As far as my friend's experience with online dating goes, she had several relationships via the service. One didn't work out and broke her heart but they are still friends. Another she is still dating but he, IMO, is a loser and I don't know why she's bothering with him.


Cher

I'm not saying you should volunteer for the purpose of meeting someone. But, you can meet a lot of wonderful people with like minded views, when you volunteer at a campaign headquarters. Meeting someone special would just be an added bonus to helping your candidate win (re)election.

You really...really...really don't want to get into bed (literally) with a right-wing wacko.

Visit some independent coffee or sandwich shops. Attend a Unitarian Church. Walk a dog and go to a Dog Park.

You may find your kindred spirit so long as you linger awhile in the places she might be.

Lost my wife 2003 after five years of marriage and I guess that I am still not ready to move on.

.. they think if you took enough time and/or cared enough to state your political leanings then it is a dominant quality.

As opposed to someone who might fall on the 51% mark but it isn't a big deal to them either way. Just a thought.

:hide:

you're conservative. Then just date them until you get them to sleep with you and dump them.

right wing c%&ts, that wouldn't even want to get to know the guy if he didn't say he was conservative. Those type have it coming to them.

that you chose only certain women to be c$&ts.

At 55, single liberals and middle of the road men are hard to find in tennessee. I think you will find most conservative women are not what you would be happy with. So thank them for not wasting your time.

Your article is spot-on. And yes, it has come to that.

Conservatives don't believe in the same kind of values that I do, so I have no interest in dating them.

:hi:
I grew up in your town & the we are the same age. (Could we know each other from long ago?)

And you are correct.....hard to find single liberals & middle-of-the-road ANYONE in TN these days! Thankfully, I am not on the dating train....think I'd have to move out of state.

BTW, hope you weren't too effected by the storms Wednesday. :hug:

It has been said over and over that the most important things in the success of a marriage is shared values.

I suggest letting that be your guide.

back during the 90s, I saw it spelled that way. that and HERstory instead of HIStory.

college was fun back then.

thought you had in any way even the slightest possibility with them. It is quite probable that they contacted you for one reason and one reason only, to try to hurt you with their disdain. Yes, there ARE people like that out there. The proof is that they placed that pain ahead of everything else in their contact with you.

i'm a member of a dating site myself and pointedly state in my ad that i'm a liberal. i figured that would be enough to scare off the conservatives. so far i've been correct :) i generally don't like their mindset and don't want to even begin a relationship with someone like that. too much friction and life's too short for that.

good luck with your internet dating experiment. it works for a few, but it's a difficult way to find someone. the old fashioned way usually works best.

Internet dating can be scary..

I run a large bowling league and on my one league we have had at least 6 "mid-life" marriages of people who met there casually, became friends and then more:) We have also had 2 marriages of kids who met in the "playroom" as little kids, then went on to date & marry.. (this is our 20th season for the league)..

I'm 59 and single, and dabble in net dating sites. I put in all caps"NO REPUBLICANS" in my "about my date" (or whatever it's called) section of my profile. I'd written that my political beliefs were one and the same as my most deeply held values, and they are. Though I have not met "the one" yet, and may never, I guess I'm lucky to be in an area where there are plenty of progressive women. I'm not interested in meeting those who aren't. Once upon a time, before the republicans turned so ugly and dangerous, I imagine dating and/or getting involved with a republican would have been conceivable for me (and I in fact had a repub gf in the 80's for about a year), but not now. My advice , which may or may not be the "right" advice, is don't change your description of who you are one bit, unless you're just looking to get laid or something. I'm guessing you'd ultimately like something a good bit more than that though. In that case, you really just gotta be yourself. Wouldn't it be more satisfying to meet and get involved with someone who shared your values?
Please don't take this as any kind of criticism for having chosen to marry a woman who voted republican, but that was the better part of 20 years ago, and that side has in general, as I think we can all agree (?) changed drastically for the worse. As I wrote in a facebook post recently, I'm old enough to remember when many many republicans were decent honorable people with whom I disagreed and not the lunatic fringe/bigots they've become. They've chased those good people away, and apparently finally chased your wife away with McCain /Palin.
Just my two cents worth, and go where your heart tells you to, and God bless you in your search for companionship, and perhaps love, to come back to enrich your life.

On edit.... Yes, I know some wonderful, kind sweet people who have "drank the kool-aid" (mostly hard core Christians) who are still my friends and blindly (IMO) vote for repubs, but it's a big difference between having them for friends as opposed to as a partner.

Which we can assume always include some kind of judgment calls . . . ?

Your thoughts, please.

"Wait! CONSERVATIVE LADY is EVOLVING!"

"CONSERVATIVE LADY evolved into ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE!"


ps, sorry to hear about your wife. : (

men. The minute they open up their mouths with their talking points fresh out of some blond, bimbo's mouth from Fox News, I lose it.

On edit: Maybe DU needs a dating forum for those of us who have lost spouses since the website was founded and for those who are presently single and looking. I don't want to waste my time with some one I could never respect or be so dumb to be a conservative.

Perfect, no. Definitely great.

There would be some glaring logistical/legal concerns involving disclosure and trolls though. It wouldn't be too complicated otherwise.

I think it would be a money maker.

www.okcupid.com

You answer as many questions as you'd like (I'm up around 400), and it lets you know from the outset if someone is a likely match.

I'm not nearly masochistic enough to attempt any serious relationship with a wingnut. I can't deal with stupid.

No point hiding your political affiliation. Put it out there.

Ditto for any other characterization you can list: weight, height, eye-color, etc.

Either they like you as you are, or not.

---that they are searching through the descriptions, finding those stating "liberal," "agnostic," etc, and intentionally trying to stir up crap. This is one of their tactics.

Notice, next time you are stuck listening to a repig-bagger, how often they claim that "more and more" or "most Americans" believe just like them.

It's bullshit. And you wouldn't really want to spend an evening with a selfish, heartless bitch anyway, would you?

women respond to you if they knew you were Liberal? Just to give you grief?

I'd keep my political affiliation as is....and if a conservative responded, I'd tell her in a kindly way to 'Go Away.' Of course that's why I have no dates...lol!

I feel for you....good luck.

I have a small but active group of friends on Facebook. Not all are liberal, but all know that I am. And I've bonded with a number of "friends of friends" who share my lefty persuasion. Before we've even discussed dating, we've got a pretty good idea of each others politics and taste in music and sense of humor, and seen recent pics of the other.

I've dated three women so far that I've met on Facebook. Two were pleasant, but nothing special. One had some magic in it, and might well develop into something serious.

But in no case did it feel deceptive or like a waste of time, everyone had at least a general idea of who the other one was ahead of time.

Lots of people love to hate Facebook, but used correctly I'll take it over any formal dating service out there.

Best of luck to you, getting back in the dating pool is nerve-wracking at best. (but it can also be hella fun!)

LOL. I tried one of those online dating sites. Some guy was chatting with me, and I typed, "did I not make it clear that I'm a liberal?" He said "you mean politically? Oh, I thought you meant you were just liberal in your lifestyle". There was a tangible sense of disappointment for him.

I have no interest, none, in dating anyone to the right of what I consider moderate. Unless he is also an extremely interesting person, but honestly, interesting and right-winger generally don't go together.

Also...right wingers are just very unsexy. You know they will be uptight in bed. That, or they're into weird, kinky stuff that doesn't excite me.

What is the age of the earth.

If they answer something with less than 9 zeroes?

Run.

or places where you volunteer.

Forget those ReTHUG vultures on line.

then put 'middle of the road' on your profile. You'll cast a wider net, and may meet a woman who's a really good match, but not politically insane and able to tolerate a difference of opinion.

... are very important. Don't pretend to be someone you aren't just to "go along and get along" with someone who probably has fundamental values that are radically different from yours. And even if you can get past political differences, they at least were honest enough to tell you that they can't. If you are politically liberal, say so; you'll be much happier with whoever you meet there.

You might "get more date possibilities" but that wouldn't improve your chances of success. Don't focus on just boosting the numbers.

There are many women out there (yes, even here in the older demographic where you and I are). You want to meet those who merit your time, but it's also important to screen out those who don't. For example, suppose your profile had said you were "middle of the road" and had thus induced Ms. Conservative to go out with you. Is that a benefit? You're still not what she's looking for. That fact will probably come out on the first date or soon thereafter. That means you've wasted at least a few hours on her, time with which you could have been working other dating sites, or pursuing some activity where you might meet the right woman.

Some of the people responding are clear that they wouldn't want to date conservatives. You have to make that call for yourself. I horrified a liberal friend of mine by saying that I'd much rather date a conservative than a smoker. My friend also wasn't keen on smoking but could tolerate that more readily than conservatism.

So, if it works for you, you might find a relationship with a conservative who can tolerate liberals. If you don't think that would work for you, then put that in your profile if possible, and the conservative women won't waste their time and yours by messaging you.