Tomorrow morning I have to tell my student his best friend killed himself

I probably should turn off my computer and take my dog for a walk... but I keep crying and just want to hide.

A teacher I work with just killed himself. A sunny, funny wonderful guy who went far and beyond the requirements of his job. During the summer and evenings he worked a second job giving respite care to parents with kids with disabilities. He had several families where he just stepped in and helped without being paid because he knew they were in dire straights. This teacher met my student Bobby (fake name, of course) when he 6 or so years old. Bobby's mom was a single mom struggling to work and provide for a son with severe needs and her other son. They shared a studio apartment and slept on the same futon because it was all they had.

My friend the teacher became their lifesaver. He would help out and watch the kids while the mom took night classes. He came to meetings at school for Bobby and acted as his advocate. If this teacher felt like going to the park or to a movie he'd go ahead and grab Bobby and take him too. I can only imagine how many meals, presents, movies, carnival rides that this teacher paid out of his pocket.

I am calling him a teacher because I consider him to be one. He was actually an assistant. The lowest job on the educational ladder and the first one that takes hits during financial cuts. He had to work extra jobs just to make ends meet. And last night he killed himself.

I don't know why but I want to share with you one thing that had to have been making his life rougher. My state is also struggling with money issues and there is a bill in our capitol that would cut the budget of my school district by 25% this year and 50% next year. We are a county district that only has at-risk youth and the most severe of developmental disabilities. We have the city's toughest, roughest, sickest and most dangerous kids. We have the job that makes ALL other teachers shake their heads and say, "you must be crazy to do that job". We are incredibly dedicated to our students. Our teachers are teaching in the hospitals and jails--it is dangerous work sometimes. I've had the shit beat out of me on more than one occasion.

And the legislature has been treating us, and many other teachers, like we are garbage. Three anti-ed bills at the capitol have already gone down this year. One would have shut down the whole county systems statewide and thrown thousands and thousands of special ed teachers and EA's out of jobs. Not only that but no arrangements were made for the students. They would just be crammed back into the overfull classrooms in the city schools.

For the past six months we've had nothing but bad news as one bill followed another. We are tense, scared, and worst of all, terrified for our students who have autism, behavior disorders and incredibly fragile students. I have two students this year who could just be dead in a matter of moments. One has had blood sugar drops in 1/2 an hour of 200 points, another chokes. There is no moment for relaxation in these kinds of jobs.

I don't know what was going in this teacher's personal life and no one will ever know the full reason of why he killed himself. But I can tell you this much: this constant attack on teachers is taking its toll. We are exhausted from the fight. We are having to take up the slack from the cuts to social services and education. We are seeing other districts pink slipping all the teachers, we are reading about the attacks on education. And every day we might get a pink slip.

And tomorrow I have to tell Bobby that his best friend is dead. He was moved out into foster care in August so he lost his family...but this teacher stayed with him and was the light of his life. I just don't know how I am going to do it.

Sorry to vent on you all... it just hasn't been a good week. You know why if you saw my post about seeing a kid get slapped yesterday.

Do me a favor though, write a letter to your legislature to support teachers. We really need some help right now.

this country is. and getting meaner it seems by the minute. i am sorry about your friend. bobby's friend.

There's an evil force abroad in the land, and I don't mean that rhetorically or metaphorically. There's a black cloud overhead that I don't remember seeing when I was a kid (1950's) - I suppose there has always been evil lurking in the alleys, but it seems nowadays it can parade itself like a Mardi Gras float. I don't know the answer, my best strategy so far is to stay informed, make some noise and wait it out.

and it feels like a black cloud hanging over. It feels cruddy to be a teacher these days.
:(

yesterday I was discussing with someone that it's like a virus has been unleashed in this country. I remember for years people pulling together and working for the betterment of all. Not that it always worked, but there was a clear intent that we are all in this together.

Now, the country is ripping apart at the seams. It is as if a really diabolical evil force had been unleashed across the land. And, it's taken for the most part with a grain of sand.

And some pride themselves on being a strong part of this evil force. What amazes me is this country is working hard to destroy itself. It is really really strange and increasingly I become more fearful of what this country is becoming.

I had outstanding teachers all through grade school, high school and college. I remember all of them and how highly we all thought of them. To me education is the most important thing a country can spend money on, and now the US seems intent on destroying the teaching profession.

IMO we are now going through a war on America, and I don't think America will survive the attack on all fronts, it's like all of the things that made America great are being trashed.

Trashed by people who claim to be patriots.

Poison is what they are.

Pretty much every suicide is a tragedy. Your friend sounds like he was an extraordinary person. I wish I could have known him.

I'm flabbergasted that the legislature would cut your school district, any school district by 25% and then 50%. What do they think will happen with these kids?

Perhaps you should arrange a field trip to bring "the worst" of these kids to the state legislature and have them spend a day with all of the memberts there. Oh one hand, that would be cruel and unfair to the kids, but on the other people making these decisions need to understand exactly who the human beings are that they are being so cavalier about.

our assets to the surrounding schools. But not the staff. We're just fired. And no plans have been made for our students.

Why? They passed a law to go to full day kindergarten...so they figure they will cut the county to cover it. But, the districts totally rely on the county system. We supply all the school nurses and many of the OTs, PTs and speech, migrant education, special ed, behavior kids, we have the high school for kids who dropped out but we've got them back in school, we have the jail and hospital classes, we run the program to get GED tutoring for inmates who want to come out of jail better than when they went in... if they cut us all of these people are terminated with no notice. my district has 700 employees and all the at-risk students (the riskiest of the risky!).

Their plan is to have all of these students sent to their home districts. My room, for example, is shared by four districts. Each of these districts have a couple of students with similar needs...so they come to me and they only pay for a portion of the costs of the room. Because of the severe needs of my kids they need (by law) an OT, a PT, speech teacher, assistive technology, a nurse, trained medical staff and classroom assistants. The county has those employees and they come to my room for their allotted time and work with my students. The districts only pay for their student's slot---so, instead of hiring all of those employees themselves for their own classroom (ONE CLASSROOM for each district..so four classes total) they share the costs. It saves the districts a FORTUNE.

The school districts in the country rely on it even more since they often only have one or two students in special ed total. Each school would have to hire their own staff, $100,000s for one student. (or they use the county system and just pay for a slot...and a slot usually costs less than hiring a full-time assistant...)

So, this latest bill in the legislature would take 25% of the money to the county systems STATEWIDE--every single county would be hit!! And then 25% more the next year. The money will NOT go to the school districts to cover special ed. They will have to use the money for all day kindergarten. The special ed kids will just be dumped into the schools with no nurses, no OT, no PT, no speech, no assisted technology...and the districts will get no money to cover those costs.

And the most experienced special ed teachers and staffs who work with the toughest students will just get axed across the state...and no district will hire a 20 year pro in this financial climate.

Assistance for special ed students? I know at least one nearby school district was the target of a lawsuit about 15-20 years ago that forced them to upgrade what they were providing. If there was, that may be a way to prevent the dismantling of the system where you are. If it was court mandated to provide those services, it might be a violation of a court order to take them away.

At this point the districts use us to provide the services. If they close us then the districts have to provide the service. If they don't or can't, then the parents can sue....but, seriously, many of our kids are foster care and those parents don't often put up fights.

My fear is that they will close us, shuffle our students around a few years, the state will get sued over and over and then they will go back to the way we do it now... but, at the cost of three or four years of education for the students who are going to be stuck in the middle.

If so, maybe going back to that decision could preempt attempts to close down the program now without the interruption in services.

I meant to say in the previous message that I am sorry about the death of your colleague. I hope the student can find another mentor to help him.

I have a funeral tomorrow evening for a suicide. As I look back over the last few years I am astonished at the percentage of funerals I have done for suicides. I fear, given the economic and political climate we are experiencing a phenomenon that is only going to get worse. My heart goes out to you, his co-workers, students and family. A chosen death is absolutely devastating.

:hug:

This is not my first suicide either and they never sit well.

I'm really sorry you are going through this too. People are hurting and I fear we will see more of this.

My best to you.

this just breaks my heart. I do remember your very courageous act from yesterday, and was very proud of you. I am proud of you now. I hope Bobby realizes that the bad news he is about to hear will come from someone who really gives a damn. I hope for good things in this young man's future, and for those who care so much for these children to gain the respect they deserve.

I promise, I will do whatever I can to help teacher's through this horrid time.

Peace....

The scary thing is...last week was even worse but I didn't post anything about it.

Sigh. I'm hoping next week is better.

:grouphug:

and for the difficult task that lies ahead of you and for the heartbreak that this will cause your student. Life does not seem fair at all sometimes. I pray that the Lord will receive your friend and comfort you and your student.

:cry:

I'm not a very religious person but my poor student could use lots and lots of prayers. O8)

:hug:

I will write.
just know I care. You are an exceptional,caring person.
I know it hurts.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for all you do for our kids.

THank you s8liftinglady and everybody!

going on. I am sorry for your lose. May god send his angels to collect him into heaven.

The main newspaper here in oregon is very right. They have run many anti-education stories. :0( I doubt they will do anything but cheer as they gut another school program.

I've known three people in my lives who have committed suicide - two successful and one attempt - and I just cant understand why they did it or what drove them to it (one was pretty obvious - he was a changed man after getting out of federal prison) but it doesn't get any easier any time you hear of it happening.

...but while i was reading your OP, i received a phone call from a teacher. We have two measures coming up for a vote in Oregon, one is a bond that will slightly increase taxes to repair our crumbling schools, the other that will keep teachers from being fired. It was my great pleasure to inform the teacher that not only will i be supporting both, but that i am completely disgusted with the assault on teachers and public education and that we all deserve better than that.

I am so very sorry for your loss. It seems we all lose when such a good and giving soul leaves us when it probably could have been prevented. Please be well. :hug:

the ESD system. The Oregonian is giving everyone against the ESD newspaper space. I wrote an editorial for them which they decided not to run. Instead they ran one by a legislator who flat out said he wants the money now allotted to special ed to be given to the schools for kindergarten. He feels those students are more deserving.

I can find a link for it if you want.

http://www.leg.state.or.us/11reg/measpdf/sb0200.dir/sb0250.a.pdf

the sick part is they are lying about support to special ed. they have no intention of ANY of this money to stay with special ed students. Rep Haas has admitted in the Oregonian that the money will go to kindergarten. Special ed kids will just have to make do with nothing.

The attacks on teachers are insane. It is symptomatic of our general disrespect for the profession. The people who are doing the attacking are doing it in the name of improving education, but in reality, they are trying to destroy it.

There is a gift for teaching that runs in my family and I think my 10 year old daughter may have it. If she was 20 instead of 10 and came to me saying she felt called to teach, I would beg her to stay away from the profession. Why would anyone in their right mind set themselves up for that kind of abuse, particularly at the low pay rate?

I am so sorry about your friend and student. I will be sure to speak out more in support of teachers.

He sounds like a very special person.

:hug:

when he was here. I hope "Bobby" gets through this o.k.

his best friend and light, had killed himself.

I sat in the house across the street from where he played computer games with my husband's best friend, having "just one more cup" of coffee...because I didn't want to destroy his world. I will never forget my 9 year old's smile-melted away to horror and then unrelenting grief. It hurts. It hurts to think about it and I am in tears for what you have to do. Be gentle, be there, but don't lie to him as suggested in another post. Children are smarter than we give them credit for (I learned this the hard way with my son). They are resilient. He will get through this, with you to help him.

My heart goes out to you. I won't comment on the rest of your post because this is what's more important. Helping a child through a very tough time. Take care of yourself as well. It is said that a suicide dies only once-those left behind die a thousand times. I'd liken it to more than a million.

A terrible time for you. My deepest wish for peace for you and your son. I too lost some very close when I was younger. It hurts for a long time and then gets kind of baffling. It will hurt less in the future, I promise... but it takes a long time.

Having been through it makes me know how long this is gonna hurt my student.

My best Meemie.

I have a feeling it will be a very, very, very crappy day.

:(

I wish there had been more hope in his life, more help, some warning and someone there to see it... :(

I hope that kid is able to deal with this without it becoming one more layer of scar tissue over his emotions and self-esteem. I hope he has others who are supportive in his life.

My thoughts and best wishes to everyone who will be hurt by this loss. :grouphug:

of what sounds like, a wonderful human being. I'm sorry for you, for Bobby and for all of us, who with the loss of this teacher, recognize more and more, the lack of compassion, fairness and reason in policies being pushed by the Republican party, to the detriment of the majority of us. When do we really start fighting back? If not now, when? My condolences.
Lou

I knew three people who killed themselves over the winter. One was an executive in charge of school financial matters at a school that has to shut its doors.

I have had two close friends on suicide watch over the last six weeks. One friend - she figured out she had a severe reaction to the anesthesia that was used on her for a test at a hospital. She did some acupuncture and cleared the anesthesia out of her system.

But the other four people are just normal people. I don't know how much the economy figures into it, but I imagine it is playing its part.

I feel like my nation is a totally Fascist society. The people being blamed for everything are the poor, the homeless, the teachers and other service professions. We know who destroyed our nation - the Big Military-Industrial Complex, and the Big Financial Players. All of whom are sitting very comfy right now.

How do we change any of this? Even our Democratic majority Congress kept voting for all the war spending. Who do we turn to?

It was not a good day. I think it is time for a hot shower and a stiff drink. Happy Friday.
:beer: