Rapture excuses

1. I intended to pay what I owe you but I have been raptured.
2. Sorry for missing my appointment with you but I have been raptured.
3. I apologize for my grass being uncut but I was raptured.
4. I no longer exist as my previous self and now exist as someone else due to the fact a mistake was made. I was rejected and sent back as a new person. I may look the same but I am not same person as I was, therefore I am no longer responsible for what my previous self did.
5. It is a long journey to heaven and wasn't in good enough health to make the trip.
6. Jesus is still coming, he will make it, just running late.
7. I didn't have enough riches in heaven to pay for the trip.
8. I was in the basement and Jesus couldn't find me.
9. I was driving my car and couldn't be taken for safety reasons.
10. I was having sex experiencing my own rapture (can't have two raptures at the same time).